Winging It //BWWM//

Chapter Four

Dedicated to Mikyyla

Here's the truth: Your situation is never permanent. It's what you make it. Life isn't solid, its fluid. It changes. ~Anonymous

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Eva

   "Are you ready?" Melanie asked as she held the baby in her arms, standing in from of me while I was sitting on the couch.

   It was my first time breastfeeding and honestly I was comeptlely nervous. I have yet to feel like the baby is mine and so it felt wrong to do such an intimate thing with her.

   Though I know I didnt have to do it, Melanie was sure that breastfeeding is one of the best ways to really create a bond with your baby and I really wanted to connect with her. I really want to feel like she's mine. Maybe then I can also figure out what her name is going to be.

   "I'll never be ready but okay." I held my arms out.

   She laid the cooing baby into my arms, letting me adjust her body so I was comfortable before instructing me. "Now just take out your breast, and put it close to her mouth like a regular baby body so she can latch."

  I did as I was told, leaning forward a bit so she could feel my breast near her lips.

   Unexpectedly she didn't latch which kind of worried me. She moved her head back and forth almost like she was trying to push me away.

  I looked up at Melanie worriedly.

   "Just give her a minute, don't worry." She assured me.

   I looked back down to see her still moving her head back and forth. However after a second she finally did latch which caused an uncomfortable chill to go down my spine.

   "Whoa there." I looked up at Melanie in pure discomfort. "This doesn't feel good, it actually kind of hurts."

    "The first time is always the worse." She grabbed the baby's cloth before putting it over my shoulder. "But its okay, you get use to it." She sat down next to me. "You're doing great, honey."

   I looked down at the baby to see her eyes closed as she ate in content, while holding on to my breast. She was still so small, so fragile and I just couldn't get over how adorable she was.

   Who would want to abandon such a beautiful bundle of joy?

   I haven't been a mother that long but I could never imagine how people could mistreat innocent children. The things you hear that children have to go through, is just horrible.

   "So your mom decided she wasn't going to support you, huh?" Melanie asked as she shook her head. She heard a bunch of stories about my mother but had never met her and frankly I don't think she wants to meet her.

   "Yeah, she said it right to my face." I sighed. "I shouldn't have been surprised but I was. I don't know but it was something about this time that made me feel like our relationship, the last of it just broke. Any hope I ever had of having a better connecting with her it just died. When my Dad left, my world shattered and my mother and grandmother ware the only thing I had left of life before him and now I don't have either."

   "As a mother, I am truly sorry." Melanie said sincerely. "I once was like your mother when I found out Remy was a lesbian."

   "Really?" My eyes widen in surprise as I let out a low pained whine, feeling her gums move around my nipple.