To See Love in His Eyes

Chapter 5

Two days later Jennifer found herself feeling like a child again. She was pretending to be sick so Maggie wouldn't make her go to support group. She knew Scott would be there and she didn't want see him. It wasn't his fault. It was just a mistake she couldn't face.

Though she felt incredibly guilty, she couldn't stop thinking about the other night. The feeling of his hands on her skin. How his body towered over her small, fragile frame. His dominance was endearing, but despite this, she remembered being slightly frightened. It was quite apparent to the both of them that Scott was much bigger than she was. Try at least sixty pounds heavier. And that night, Jennifer remembered thinking, that if he wanted to, if he was angry enough, if he was bored enough, he could snap her legs in half like twigs. That being said, Jennifer was quite surprised at how gentle he had been. This giant guy, with his giant hands, held her hips tenderly. Kissed her lips gently. Even though he had started out so rough, the way he slowed down, the way he played it so smoothly. So easily. Jennifer would look at herself incredulously in the mirror, what was she saying? What happened was wrong! But there was a voice in her head that kept asking, why?

"Shut up. You're going. You don't have a fever.", Maggie said to her, throwing her clothes at her. Jennifer didn't fight it. Part of her wanted to, and she wouldn't address the part of her that wanted to see him. That wanted to kiss him again. She'd just put the thought behind her, denying it all, though she excepted this defeat all to easily.

"Fuck you.", she muttered as she slipped her jeans on. One last act of defiance to prove to herself that she didn't really want to go. Maggie grabbed the keys and they were off to the church.
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Walking into the building Jennifer's stomach twisted. She was nervous. Would he be cold to her? Would he hate her? Would he talk to her at all? Did she want him to talk to her? She walked in and there he was sitting in a green chair by the door. Which, she thought was odd. She was ten minutes early. And he had a coffee in his hand so, Jennifer concluded, he had gotten here at least fifteen to twenty minutes early. Which was incredibly unlike him. Little did Jennifer know that Scott hadn't been able to sleep that night. He felt awful. He felt like he had taken advantage of her. Though she was a big part of it happening. He tried not to. But even so, he couldn't shake the guilt. So he would keep his distance.

He was staring at her, his eyebrows furrowed. She thought about saying hi. Or maybe smiling.  But then she just walked past him and towards the coffee. Strong, sugar, no cream, she could use some of that liquor now.

Ten minutes later, after everyone had arrive, the session started. It was about building relationships after traumatic accidents, but neither of them could tell you that. They were staring intently, almost longingly, into each other's eyes. It started out as simple glances. Glances that became short 'I hope you're doing well's as if they were exes whom had run into each other at the market, who were trying very hard to be polite and kind. And those looks became 'I miss you's, like they hadn't seen each other in ages, and even now that they were in front of each other, something was keeping them apart. She couldn't help but replay everything from that night in her head. The images were projected onto her eyes, Scott knew exactly what she was thinking about. Every few minutes Jennifer would scoff at herself, shaking her head and looking away. Disgusted with herself. She didn't deserve him. But she never worded it like that. He doesn't deserve me, she would say to herself. Though it meant the something quite different. He deserves so much more. But a few minutes later, his glossy eyes would find hers and the cycle would repeat itself. She didn't want to miss him, but she couldn't help herself. She couldn't stay away. He was like a giant magnet.

Once the session ended Jennifer bolted out of the room as fast as she could, catching the attention of everyone in the room. Scott followed, calling her name.