Crazy, Stupid, Love

Ch. 30: She's happy without Me

2 months later
Amy's POV
I finally am able to talk right, but I'm having trouble controlling my emotions. Without Karma I'm broken. I'm sitting on the bleachers outside of the school on the football field and it's really cold, but all I'm wearing is some jeans with a red/black flannel on and of course my black and white Converse. I was finally able to walk again and I'm miserable. I haven't spoken to anyone, but my therapist and life sucks. Hank and Farrah are getting married in a few days and Hank has been treating me like dirt. I got used to it, but it still sucks. This is my new place to think because I don't like seeing Karma flirt with the football team and not only is she flirting with them, but she's flirting with some of the cheerleaders! She's even slept with some of them! I haven't told Karma about Zen knowing Blaire, but that's because she hates me for my disorder. I don't have anyone to talk to so I don't talk. I have no more therapy sessions because apparently "I'm all better" I'm not though because I'm always depressed and I've only cut myself 9 times in the two months that have passed by. My thoughts were interrupted as a football was thrown at my direction on purpose. Yes after these months the bullying has not stopped. Luckily I caught the ball and threw it farther then they could catch it. I saw Anthony and his team look mad and some looked surprised. I shrugged and stood up leaving. Once I was in the quad a hand grabbed my wrist pulling me back. I pretended that it didn't hurt and turned to be met with Lauren.
Lauren: Look Amy I'm sorry I left home, I know how hard it must be with the marriage and Karma. Can you forgive me? Oh I forgot to mention that Lauren left our house and bought a condo for herself by here. David stays there occasionally, thank God one relationship worked out. I mean I screwed up my own. I'm not mad at her, I can't be. I looked over and fake smiled nodding at her. She smiled and walked away leaving me alone again. I went to my locker and opened it making a small pink note fall out. I was curious so I picked it up and read it.
Meet me under the bleachers after school, I'll be waiting. -Karma
I looked around confused. Why would Karma want to meet me? I sighed then closed my locker. I silently walked back to the field then went under the bleachers. There was actually a lot of space. My breath got caught in my throat when Zen stepped out in front of me from behind a box.
Zen: Well look who fell for it? He chuckled and I sighed. All of a sudden I felt strong arms push me hard causing me to fall to the ground. I groaned and turned using my elbows to hold me up. It was Anthony.
Anthony: Hey Amy. I sighed.
Anthony: Why don't you talk?
Zen: She hasn't talked because of her breakup with my sister. They both laughed and I slowly stood up. I immediately regretted it because Anthony then punched me on the jaw. I felt like I was going to snap as I held my jaw. I felt blood in my mouth.
Karma: What's going on here? We all looked over to the left to see Karma. She looks beautiful. Her auburn colored hair is alittle darker, but she's always looked perfect.
Zen: Oh nothing just chit chatting with Amy. I was still feeling triggered so I took a deep breath then ran out. Once I finally got away I hid behind a wall putting my face in my hands. My jaw really hurt. I shook the pain off and headed to class which was P.E. I'm not surprised that the whole note thing was a trick, I mean with the bullying of course. Karma hates me anyways, especially with this disorder. I didn't feel like changing so I just went to the school gym. The coach doesn't even care about me, he just gives me an +A. I sat down on the bleachers trying to wipe away the blood I had in my mouth. I'm used to the taste of blood nowadays. I saw the gym doors open and Liam, Karma, Anthony, and Zen came in. Lauren and David were playing basketball across the gym. My thoughts were interrupted by a voice that made me jump.
Shane: Hey girl. I turned to look at him and nodded my head up, but wiped some of the blood off my mouth. Now he looked concerned so he scooted closer to me.
Shane: What happened to you? I shrugged and he gave me a look.
Shane: Why aren't you talking? Is it about your friends splitting apart or about Karma? I sighed. Her name makes me want to cry. Shane and Liam stopped dating a month ago.
Shane: How have you been with the disorder? He said handing me a notebook and a pencil. I then wrote 'I can talk right, but I don't talk because there's nothing to talk for. Therapy is over, but I can't control my emotions And the voice is still in my head' I then gave it to him and he looked at me sadly. I looked away from him and looked over at Karma who was being carried over Anthony's shoulder. She was laughing and hitting his back while Anthony was smirking at me. She looks happy without me. I felt tears in my eyes. Go take a break to the restroom, you have your blade in your bag. I nodded slowly. I turned back to Shane and grabbed the notebook. I then wrote 'I have to go to the restroom, see you later.' He looked at me suspiciously and I looked sadly back at Karma who was having fun with Anthony and Liam. Unfortunately when I looked back at Shane, he had followed my gaze. He looked back at me sadly.
Shane: So this is about Karma... He said knowingly with a sad smile. I nodded looking down sadly.
Shane: Well I'm over Liam, he was always checking out girls anyways. I'm sorry you have to go through this disorder alone. I nodded sadly. I then slowly started to stand up. I was about to walk down the bleachers, but he grabbed my wrist. I jumped, but bit my lip in pain. I turned to look at him.
Shane: What are you going to go do? I shrugged biting my lip. I then pulled my wrist away from him, but I did it too hard and I quickly turned to contort my face in pain. I felt tears in my eyes and I saw Karma look my way, but she then got picked up in Anthony's arms again laughing. I let out a shaky sigh before running down the bleachers and out the gym doors. He's pretending to care, Amy. He doesn't, no one ever will. I finally burst into the girl's restroom and ran into the big stall crying. I locked it with shaking hands. I then slid down the wall reaching into my bag. I then pulled out my blade and pulled my sleeves up. I started with my right arm. Once I felt the cool sharp steel touch my skin I pressed it down and saw blood ooze out. I let out a shaky sigh before making three more next to it. More, don't you wanna take out the anger on yourself? I mean Karma is disgusted with you just like everyone else is, just do it. I nodded crying before making four on my right arm. I heard the restroom door open and I heard a laugh that was beautiful and familiar, Karma. I held my sobbing in once I heard a male voice.
Anthony: Babe you wanna come to my game tonight? They're dating?
Karma: I would love to, babe. I felt my heart break. I quickly put my blade away and pulled my sleeves down which were getting covered in blood. I winced, but slowly stood up. I got out of the stall, but stopped once I saw Anthony pushing Karma up onto the counter where she was wrapping her legs around his waist. They were making out, but Karma pulled away when she saw my broken figure. She looked guilty. I shut my eyes when I felt tears and because I could feel myself becoming triggered. I opened them slowly and then ran out of the restroom. I need to get out of here, if anybody tries to mess with me then there will be a lot of snapping. Shit, I thought as I felt a strong shoulder hit mine harshly. It hurt, but I turned and grabbed the stupid jock by the back of his collar. I then pulled him back and tripped him causing him to fall. He was laying on the ground groaning, but then he stood up and pushed me hard causing my back to hit the lockers. I winced and I was about to hit him, but I looked to my left to see a worried Karma mouthing me a sentence 'Don't do it, please' I slid down the lockers and pulled my knees to my chest while wrapping my arms around them. I then put my head down silently crying and rocking a bit. I heard laughing and I figured it was the students who are jerks.
Lauren: Amy I saw what happened, what's wrong? I quickly shook my head. My whole body including my hands were shaking. Pathetic.
Karma: Amy? I didn't look up. I started to have flashbacks. I started to have one about when I was in the hospital and I was diagnosed with the schizophrenia Disorder.
~Flashback~
Amy: C..can w..we just act act n..normal. I..I am j..just fine. I..I'm not d..different. Everyone looked up with their expressions softening. I just sighed again. Karma held onto my hand.
Karma: Amy babe I still love you. I..I don't care if your different now. I'll help you. We all will. I love you so much and I'm so sorry.
~End of Flashback~
It was a lie. She lied about not caring that I have the disorder. I felt myself cry more as I started to have another flashback that was also in the same day of the hospital thing.
~Flashback~
Karma: Amy who do you think is standing over there? She said crying.
Amy: M..my dad, but but he's n..not real. I looked at her. She had a tear rolling down her cheek. I used my thumb to wipe the tear away.
Amy: Wh..what's wrong?
Karma: I..It's just scary to see you like this. She's scared of me? I retracted my hand. You see she doesn't like you anymore because you're different now you freak! I looked down. Am I a freak? YES!
Amy: Shutup! I yelled. I then covered my injured face with my hands and my head up. I cried.
Lauren: Amy? Are you okay? I shook my head. 'Karma's only with you because of pity now! As soon as you get out of the hospital she's gonna break up with you!'
~End of Flashback~
The voice was right. I'm a fucking loser, a freak, a pathetic worthless piece of crap and I should die. You should. I was pulled back into reality when I felt someone shake me.
Karma: Amy! I picked my head up and somehow we were outside? We were at the front of the school as I sat against the wall.
Lauren: Amy, Shane carried you out, but what the heck is going on with you? You totally blanked us out crying and thinking! I jumped as I heard her outburst. I then looked over at Shane who was staring at me sadly. He then handed me a notebook and pencil. I started to write slowly because I was shaking. I wrote 'I'm sorry okay? I felt triggered so I had to leave the school, but that dumbass messed with me. I just snapped and I'm sorry. I was stuck in my mind of flashbacks. I'll try not to let it happen again, but I need to go.' I said as I handed it to Karma without eye contact. I then slowly stood up groaning. I then started to walk to my car. Go kill yourself. I shook my head quickly. I went into my car and looked down at my hands. I jumped when there was a tap on my window. I looked over and saw Zen, ugh! I rolled down the window.
Zen: Hey loser. I raised an eyebrow at him.
Zen: Look we were partnered to do the science project for Mr. Russo's class, let's go to my house. I sighed. I don't want to be with Zen in Karma's house. He'll probably make me into his project because of my disorder. I motioned for him to get in. He accepted without a word, but I think I saw him smirk. What's he playing at? Once he got in I pulled out of the parking lot and started driving to Karma's. Once we got there his parents weren't home so we started doing the project downstairs. An hour into the project and the front door opens. I don't bother to look up because I'm trying to not electrocute myself with this little machine I have.
Karma: Amy? I hear laughter. I manage to shock myself causing my fingers to get red and hot. I winced then finally looked up. I couldn't believe my eyes! A laughing Lauren and Shane were standing at the door with coffee in there hands. They looked shocked and guilty. They've been lying to me!? They said that neither of them speak to Karma. Yeah right! I'm feeling triggered so I shrugged and looked back down focusing hard on the machine. I put the two cables together hard causing sparks to come out, shocking the shit out of me. I let go of the device and winced shaking my hands in pain. Tears brimmed in the corner of my eyes. I could see Zen smirking. I looked up with gritted teeth still shaking my burning hands.
Karma: W..what are you doing here, Amy? I looked down.
Zen: We got partnered for a science project.
Karma: Oh, well how's it going?
Zen: Well Amy shocked herself two times so I would say we're getting there. She looked at me then my shaking hands.
Karma: Amy, you okay? I shook my head. I felt like I couldn't breathe. Maybe you should stop breathing? I finally got air so I took a deep breath.
Lauren: Amy? I looked over at her. They lied to you. They hate you. Your all alone now. Fuck, I need to get out of here. I quickly grabbed a pencil and paper then wrote 'I really have to go, but I'll help out tomorrow' I then gave it to Zen. He nodded. I stood up and grabbed my stuff. As I did my hands were still red and hurting. I winced then went for the door.
Lauren: Amy.
Shane: Amy. They both said at the same time, but I just squeezed by them and left out the door. I'm pretty sure they saw my crumbled expression. As I was about to open my car door a voice stopped me.
Karma: Amy? I looked up at her.
Karma: Are you okay? I shook my head slowly. I then opened my car door and went inside. I then slipped out of the driveway and drove home. My hands were still burning. As I pulled up my driveway I saw Hank talking on the phone outside. I rolled my eyes then got out of the car with my stuff. Once I was close enough Hank hung up and he looked mad at me. His nose was finally easy to look at. During the months that I was trying make myself better he had hit me straight on the nose for payback. It was bruised badly and it took a while to heal. These months have been hell, especially without Karma. He took a step closer as I took one too.
Hank: Where have you been!? I shrugged then tried to walk past him, but he pushed me back. I sighed Looking down knowing that this wasn't gonna end good.
Hank: Don't walk away when I'm talking to you! Why aren't you talking!? I looked down.
Hank: Oh wait it's because you are fucking retarded! He said smacking the back of my head, hard. I bit my lip as I felt tears in my eyes. I wanted to hit him back, but then he hits me twice as hard.
Hank: You're so fucking worthless! No wonder Lauren left the house! He said backhanding me hard making me turn around holding me cheek in pain. I felt a tear roll down and when I opened my eyes I saw a guilty looking Karma. I let go of my burning red cheek and looked over at Hank who smirked at Karma
Hank: Why look who it is? It's the girl who ended her relationship with Amy because Amy's stupid and not worth loving. He smirked and I looked down closing my eyes feeling nothing but guilt and pain. Karma then walked next to me.
Karma: I..I just came to make sure Amy got home safe. He looked angry now.
Hank: So that's where Amy was!? He yelled. He was gonna hit Karma, but I quickly dropped my stuff and pushed him hard making him fall back. I saw him start to get up so I moved Karma behind me. He then punched me hard on the right cheek where he backhanded me. I groaned in pain as I felt blood in my mouth. He was gonna hit me again, but Farrah walked out.
Farrah: Honey you can't fight her right now, our wedding is in a few days. After that you get her to yourself. They smiled at each other and my breath hitched. I could see that Karma was shocked at what she said. Hank nodded at Farrah then they started to go inside, but he turned to look at me.
Hank: You're gonna regret protecting that little girl, Amy. She doesn't love you, who could? I slowly shook my head. Once he was gone I let out a long breath, but winced once I felt half my face burn. I then reached down and grabbed my stuff.
Karma: A..Amy I'm so sorry that you had to deal with this for months. I shrugged giving her sad eyes before turning and walking into my house. Once I closed the door I quickly ran upstairs and locked myself in my room. Get your blade. I shook my head falling against the wall. I laid my back against it then felt my breathing shorten so I slid down the wall and blacked out.
~Time Skip~
When I woke up I realized it was dark already. Crap, I forgot that there was a football game tonight. I just go because I don't like being at home, it's too painful and I'm pretty athletic so I like sports, I just couldn't play anything because of all the drama that happened. I took out my phone and the time was 6:10 pm. The game started at six. I stood up slowly stumbling. I heard my name being called so I quickly jumped out of the window. Unfortunately I jumped too far and did not land on the ledge, I ended up on the ground. I groaned in pain, but then I saw my dad at the window of my room.