Rise From The Ashes (Kakuzu Story)

Chapter 17.

There was no point denying it now.

When Kakuzu had first met Suzaku, even before seeing what she looked like, he had felt they shared something between them. Even though they hadn't spent long around each other, and hadn't exactly divulged a huge amount of information on themselves, that feeling had remained—they had known it was true. It was why neither Kakuzu nor Suzaku forgot about the other when they had parted, regardless of how many years had passed in the meantime. It was that connection that they had continued to think about, wondering how things would have gone if they had stayed around each other. That what they might have been able to find out would only prove what they had suspected was right—that they were similar, they did have things in common, they had been through the same sort of things in their pasts. That maybe, just maybe, even after what they had been through with people and how they viewed humanity after all that had gone on...they could have been friends. In a way that neither of them had really experienced.

Only just as Suzaku had predicted they had met again, and working together on the mission with the Akatsuki, spending more time together, all their questions and wonderings were proved correct. Their curiosity was sated, and what they had contemplated might be true was as clear as day. Yet there were things that Kakuzu and Suzaku hadn't predicted. They had always figured they could have been friends, that they were similar and were interested in the same sort of things. But with all this time spent around each other, it had become clear that it went further than that. Neither of them exactly dealt with connections very often—that just by looking at someone there would be a need to know more, but even so it didn't appear to be what either of them expected. Ever since Takigakure had betrayed Kakuzu, the only thing he had concentrated on was money. Why bother with anything else, after all? Money you could rely on, but people would give false smiles and promises they would never keep—nothing but lies. That was the way humanity was, and Kakuzu wanted no part in it any longer. Yet being around Suzaku, getting to know her...and Kakuzu found that it wasn't the same with her.

It wasn't that he was about to start being open and friendly with everyone, helping out with others goals and spreading generosity. He still hated humanity, and knew that words were never something you could trust. But Suzaku was different. For once, he didn't mind letting her get closer. He was lowering his defences in a way that was willingly, yet at the same time felt totally automatic—he couldn't help but let her in. Kakuzu just didn't doubt her—Suzaku had been through the same kind of thing, and she could understand his perspective, because she returned it in full. To her clan and everyone from her past, she had never been good enough. No matter what she would have done, none of it would have made a difference—to them, she had been worthless. It was why she had left them behind, not bothering to try and prove herself to them any longer, knowing there was no point in doing so. Leaving that place, Suzaku had known she could rely only on herself, because anyone you came into contact with made judgements, had their opinions. But why should she have to meet them? Why should she have to care about them? They no longer mattered. Though in much the same way as Kakuzu, those thoughts didn't apply to him.

Suzaku could know for certain that Kakuzu wouldn't treat her like others had done, because he understood being in that position. He knew what it was like doing your best for those you cared about—and for them to appreciate it—only to turn around and say otherwise when something happened they didn't like. Kakuzu didn't take a touchy-feely approach to the world, relying on hope and optimism to get by, believing in the 'good in everyone'. He didn't care what people thought of him, and even if he had his opinions, he never let it affect him—he simply went on with his life. Suzaku had liked the fact that Kakuzu let her actions speak from the beginning. It wasn't what she looked like or what she said that mattered—it was what she did that gave him his evidence as to whether he could work with her and not doubt her judgement on a situation. It was a mutual respect between them that allowed them to be willing to listen to one another and not let their first impressions rule how they reacted to one another.

Only things hadn't exactly ended there.

It wasn't just a mutual respect anymore—that much was obvious. Wanting Suzaku to help out on the mission in a way that wasn't just because of her knowledge and abilities showed that. Then as she and Kakuzu hung out as the mission went on, it wasn't merely chatting every now and again—about topics that meant they learnt more about each other, but remained aloof and kept a distance between them. Without even noticing it—without being able to do anything to stop it—Kakuzu and Suzaku had become so much more casual around each other, willing to hang out in a way they didn't do with people, talking about their pasts and telling things about each other that they never did and had never done with anyone else. Whereas before they had kept to themselves because it was the only way to survive in the world, they had allowed each other to break past the walls they had set up in order to get closer and become friends. But with the way they talked, and times like the one where Suzaku had told Kakuzu about her past...Kakuzu couldn't help but feel that it might just be going further than that.

He had tried to brush it aside to begin with, to remain firm and focused on what was going on around him—that stuff like that didn't apply to him. But he couldn't not notice those moments that appeared here and there when he spent time alone with Suzaku—moments that were becoming more numerous as time went by. What triggered them, Kakuzu couldn't tell, and even when telling himself he wouldn't let it happen again, automatically he'd find himself drawn in by something Suzaku had done or said, and trying to stop it was pointless—impossible. He knew he got on with Suzaku, and was closer to her than he had been to anyone, even taking into account his time in Takigakure. Yet somehow he hadn't quite predicted like this. There was only so long he could keep denying it for, however, and it came to a point, after finding himself thinking about Suzaku even when alone, that Kakuzu had no choice but to admit it to himself—if anyone else had described it, he would have pointed out it was obvious they were into them. Just because it was concerning him didn't mean things were any different.

The only problem was what to do about it. Okay, so Kakuzu had admitted to himself that he liked Suzaku—but understanding it was one thing, reacting to it was another. He couldn't be certain of Suzaku's own feelings, though if necessary he'd simply talk to her about it. He'd lived too long to be nervous about things like this, and it was so much simpler if he just confronted her head on about the whole situation. But so what if he did? What would happen then? Even if things turned out the way he wanted to, there was still the issue of the Akatsuki. Though Suzaku was working with them at the moment in order to complete the mission, she wasn't actually a member. When the mission came to an end, they would all return to their other missions, and Suzaku would have to do the same, working on her own just as she had been doing before they had met up again. Kakuzu wasn't about to manipulate things just to get Suzaku into the Akatsuki, true, but he still didn't like the idea of leaving her behind.

In a way, it reminded Kakuzu of how things had been the first time they had met. After spending that time together, it had seemed like things had ended so suddenly, with Suzaku merely dissipating into the wind as quickly as she had appeared. It had been decades before Kakuzu had seen her again, and when he really thought about it, he didn't like the idea of the same amount of time passing again before they could meet up once more—especially not with how he was feeling right now. Maybe it was best if he just kept things how they were, giving himself time to accept the fact Suzaku would have to leave—maybe discuss the idea of meeting up afterwards with her in the first place. But Kakuzu began to wonder if acting on it was the best thing to do—maybe it was best left alone.

Though he was about to find out it wasn't as easy as it sounded...