Rise From The Ashes (Kakuzu Story)

Chapter 19.

As a ray of sunlight came through a gap in the curtains, it cut across the room and reached the bed, passing over Kakuzu's face and rousing him from sleep. Recoiling at the bright light, he lifted a hand to cover his eyes and shifted in order to get away from it, this action bringing the current situation to his attention, making him halt in his movements. Glancing down at his body and noting his lack of clothes, his mood dropped as he looked to his side and found what he had hoped wouldn't be there. Suzaku was still asleep, curled up against his chest, as Kakuzu finally noticed his other arm was tucked underneath her, pulling her close to him as she no doubt had been for most of the night. For a moment Kakuzu began to wonder just how he would be able to untangle himself from Suzaku and get out, unsure what would happen if he did anything, but as his eyes ran over Suzaku's peaceful expression he paused, just watching her as her chest rose and fell in sync with his own. A combination of emotions flickered through Kakuzu as he observed Suzaku, and he gave up on trying to move away, especially as Suzaku began to shift a while later, nestling against his chest and finally causing a smirk to flash across Kakuzu's face.

Noticing what he was doing a moment later and Kakuzu relaxed against the pillows, lying back to stare up at the ceiling, his smirk disappearing to be replaced with a glare, automatically gritting his teeth as he did so. When he thought it over, it wasn't his current actions that really mattered—it was what he was going to do after the morning was over. Kakuzu had established just what was happening with how he viewed Suzaku, but he hadn't decided what he was going to do about it. If anything, he had been leaning towards leaving things be and not mentioning anything, and yet it hadn't turned out quite like he had been expected. Not only that, but he had been the one to instigate it, which was something Kakuzu hadn't predicted in the slightest. It wasn't an action Kakuzu was particularly happy with—he liked being in control of any situation he came into contact with, and with his emotions as well. Apart from anger, Kakuzu kept the rest of his emotions suppressed for the most part, and he preferred to plan out what he would do when it came to anything, being naturally cautious—now look where he was.

What he had done—how he had acted—had been completely spontaneous, and Kakuzu wasn't sure how to deal with that. But so much of what Suzaku did and said caught him off guard, not being used to being treated like that, and Kakuzu couldn't predict what his reactions would be in return, especially not when it came down to something like this. He hadn't dealt with this kind of situation in decades, and it wasn't easy to know what to do. Of course, that was even more true now it had actually happened. Kakuzu had given in to his feelings towards Suzaku, but there were going to be consequences. How things would be between them now was one thing, as they were in the middle of a mission, or if they wanted to continue things in general; whether it would be revealed to the Akatsuki and how they might react if they did find out, and what they might do when the mission ended. The latter problem had been the main reason why Kakuzu had felt it was better to avoid getting into this kind of territory, knowing Suzaku wasn't part of the Akatsuki and would have to leave when the mission was over. All in all, it was only causing his frustration to rise, and closing his eyes for a moment, Kakuzu sighed in irritation.

"Something bothering you, Kakuzu?"

Suzaku's soft voice abruptly called out from beside him, and instantly Kakuzu's eyes flashed open and he turned to look at her. Without him noticing Suzaku had woken up, though she remained nestled up against his chest, showing no signs of moving any time soon. Wondering whether to be annoyed at how calm she looked regardless of everything that had happened and could possibly happen in the near future, his frustration soon dissipated the longer he met her gaze, eventually shrugging slightly and returning to look back up at the ceiling, running his free hand over his face as he finally responded,

"We shouldn't have done this."

Kakuzu didn't say anything more to explain himself, not knowing how to bring up the topic and unsure about where it would lead. There was no telling how things would turn out, and if Kakuzu was completely honest with himself, he wasn't fully certain of the whole idea, even if it was Suzaku. Even if he knew the connection they had and how well they got on, Kakuzu had been defensive of everyone for so long during his life, and taking into account what the situation might end up as, Kakuzu wasn't entirely willing to fully let Suzaku in. It only left you vulnerable in the end. Suzaku knew what that was like, however, having been through the same sort of thing Kakuzu had—but she couldn't deny the feeling that she wanted to. With the fact that Kakuzu had been the one to instigate the situation, Suzaku felt more certain of her feelings, and though she shared some of the worries Kakuzu did, she was calmer than she had thought she would be. Being with Kakuzu like she was put Suzaku at ease in a way she wasn't sure she really remembered. It meant that even though she didn't know how things could turn out, knowing their actions would only heighten their reactions, Suzaku still replied nonchalantly,

"Still; you probably shouldn't have done a lot of things in life, Kakuzu. Even then, however, that's from a certain perspective. Things can change if you look at them differently."

With that, Suzaku raised herself up on her elbow and placed her hand on Kakuzu's cheek, pulling him forward to press her lips against his. Automatically Kakuzu responded, doing nothing to pull away as they remained connected, before Suzaku pulled back and turned, getting out of bed to head into the bathroom without another word. Watching her as she did so, Kakuzu didn't move from his position for a while, thinking over what she had said and unsure how to view it. Though he was glad for what she had said, it still didn't set his mind at ease. He couldn't forget they were practically on a time limit, and how many years it had been between their meetings. Kakuzu's frustration remained at the back of his mind, torn between his feelings towards what they'd done. He didn't exactly regret it in some ways (;p) but at the same time he couldn't help but wish they hadn't. He was in the exact same situation he had been beforehand when it came down to coming up with a solution to their circumstances, only this time it was harder to make a choice.

It wasn't a position Kakuzu liked to be in.

Not that there was much he could do about it for the moment, causing Kakuzu to shake off his thoughts and get up, taking a shower and getting dressed as usual. They had to discuss how they would act now, however, and they both quickly came to the decision to not mention anything to the others. They wouldn't have been about to announce it to the world if they were fine with continuing things and making it 'official', but it was better to set things aside for the time being. It meant they could go on as normal and not have to deal with the rest of the Akatsuki butting in on their privacy along with what they were already going through. Without a solution to their problems, putting it at the back of their minds was the best option, along with the fact they had a mission to complete, and considering they shared the opinion that the mission came first, no matter the situation, neither Suzaku nor Kakuzu were about to let their personal lives get in the way.

Therefore, with that decision, they quickly got going to avoid anyone noticing that something was different. Having spent the night in Kakuzu's room, Suzaku made sure no one was around before heading back to her own room, knowing there would be no excuse for her coming out of Kakuzu's room so early in the morning. But after waiting a little while, they both left to go on with their morning routines as normal, meeting up with the rest of the Akatsuki as they joined them in the kitchen and waited until Pein arrived to tell them what they would all be doing for the day. Having lived as long as they had, however, Suzaku and Kakuzu had skipped past the idea of being nervous around each other after what had occurred, and nothing changed between them. They talked and dealt with each other as normal, knowing what was going on but leaving things be for the time being. Maybe that way it would make things easier in the long term. But both of them were certain of one thing, at least:

They didn't want to feel like this.