Rise From The Ashes (Kakuzu Story)

Chapter 18.

Kakuzu wouldn't say he was troubled about how things were going...

But he'd been a lot more thoughtful lately, to say the least. He couldn't forget the fact that the mission would only last so long, and then Suzaku would disappear off again, leaving him in exactly the same situation he had been the first time. The thoughts remained at the forefront of his mind and stayed that way as he went on with the mission. So many times his thoughts flickered back and forth from leaving things be and allowing himself to accept Suzaku would leave after the mission was over, and to do whatever he could to get her to stay, to confess as to what he was going through and not let her disappear. But regardless of how many times he thought it over, Kakuzu could never come up with a proper answer. There were pros and cons of both situations, and there were outside influences to take into account. Kakuzu had always believed in taking caution with whatever he did—you rushed into things head first like Hidan did and things never went well. Only through planning things and thinking things over could you truly know what to do. Still, that mind-set wasn't exactly helping him now. Kakuzu was trying to plan things out, but this was different. Battle strategies were a little different to emotional issues.

That fact simply left Kakuzu uncertain and frustrated—two feelings he didn't like to experience. So far he'd managed to keep it from everyone else, knowing that if he started acting different there would only be a huge load of questions that he couldn't—and didn't—want to answer. Kakuzu hadn't thought he'd be able to keep it from Suzaku, however, and in a way, he hadn't. She'd noticed how he was when there was no one else around, not concentrating on things the way he normally did, and even when he looked at her. But Suzaku wasn't exactly the same as she had been at the beginning of all this, either. She, too, often found herself wondering how things would turn out. Knowing Kakuzu had been in the area—the fact he still had the token she'd given to him—had meant something to Suzaku, and now with the way they'd spent time together and gotten closer, it made her contemplate what would happen next. The Akatsuki was Kakuzu's organization, Suzaku wasn't about to contest that, and all members had been handpicked specifically to be there. Forcing her way into the organization wasn't something Suzaku would ever do—she didn't do pleading. Yet in the same way as Kakuzu, she continued to wonder how they would see each other again. She hated sounding like such a sap, but as much as she tried to brush it aside, Suzaku couldn't help but admit to herself that she didn't want to have to let the same amount of years pass by before she saw Kakuzu once more.

But though they both thought about the situation, they never spoke about it with each other. Emotions weren't their strong point, and with Kakuzu still considering the idea that maybe keeping it to himself and giving himself time to let it go, it wasn't a conversation that would be easy to start. Regardless, neither of them could deny the small bit of hope inside of them that aspired for the possibility that this mission wouldn't be the only time they'd see each other for another seventy years or so. Still, with how long they both had lived they knew there was no point in denying it, and as such let it remain as they continued with the mission, not about to start avoiding one another or act any different in their personalities. Some people might go around sighing and moping at the prospect of what might happen at the end of the mission—but they weren't Kakuzu or Suzaku. After everything they'd been through, after been hardened to the world, that wasn't their way of doing things. All you could do was go on.

Not that it was as easy as simply thinking it and wanting it to happen. Hanging out with each other had a habit of bringing everything back again, almost begging Kakuzu to make a decision, and he was starting to get annoyed at his own thoughts and feelings. It was why he was now sitting alone in his room at the end of the day, having done everything they could for the mission for now, resting at his desk, but not actually doing anything. The map was still lying on the table, the book he was reading at the moment as well, but instead Kakuzu had his feet up on the table, and arms crossed, was staring out the window with a glare on his face. For several minutes he sat there, not truly focusing on anything outside as his thoughts took precedence, until eventually he snapped out of it to run his fingers through his hair, rubbing his jaw from where he'd been gritting his teeth in frustration. After ninety-one years in this world, and he still got like this—and for a woman. He'd thought he'd be over it by now. Then again, taking into account the situation, he couldn't help but think that maybe he would be allowed this exception.

The only thing that brought him out of his thoughts was a knock on the door, and shaking off his stupor, Kakuzu called out an assent as he took his feet off the table and rolled his shoulders as he straightened up. He might not care about people's opinions anymore, but it was automatic—being around people put him on the defence, not about to lower his guard for anyone. Of course, the moment Suzaku stepped in and he halted slightly in that assertion, but irritated at that thought, Kakuzu brushed it aside to focus entirely on Suzaku. Though at first Suzaku wasn't quite sure what to say. She wouldn't say she was totally rendered speechless, but she was surprised, at the least. It was only now that it fully occurred to Suzaku that even after all the time she had Kakuzu had spent together on the mission and in general, she had never seen his face. He had always kept his mask and hood on, so seeing him like this had caught her off guard a little. But as he greeted her and looked at her expectantly, Suzaku quickly suppressed that feeling—she was fine.

"Why do you wear your mask?" Suzaku abruptly questioned, surprising even herself, but knowing there was no going back now, she continued quickly, "Is it to cover up your stitches? Because I wouldn't say there's any need to—I like them."

Replying only with a raised eyebrow, Suzaku shrugged at the response, stepping forward to lean against the desk, but her words had caught in Kakuzu's mind. Unable to dismiss them, he swiftly stood up, saying he'd just been about to go for a walk, and if she'd like to join him. Suzaku nodded in agreement, and they walked out of the hideout together, making sure they wouldn't go too far with the group still out there and no doubt willing to kill them if they came across them. Kakuzu wasn't planning on going far, anyway—he just needed some air after what Suzaku had said, rolling his shoulders as he walked in order to shake off his frustration. It was comments like that, that made him think twice about simply leaving things be and accepting what was to come. Suzaku was having a similar sort of reaction, wondering why precisely she had decided to say that. Why exactly Suzaku hadn't been able to control herself was beyond her, but it meant that as they walked further into the forest, they both remained silent as their thoughts took over once more.

Then again, it was to be expected. They had both accepted what was going on with their feelings, and it made sense that things like this would happen. It would just be nice to know when, but clearly that wasn't the case. A fact that was ever more true as Suzaku realised she hadn't said a thing this entire time, turning to Kakuzu to try and begin a conversation, only for their eyes to meet and for her to see something in his eyes she wasn't sure of. Trying to figure it out only seemed to draw her in more, not even noticing as they both slowed to a halt while they continued to stare at one another. But Kakuzu couldn't look away. Thinking over what Suzaku had just said, unable to ignore how it made him react, only to look at her a moment later...Kakuzu was focused only on Suzaku as he swiftly stepped forward and pressed his lips against hers.

For a moment Suzaku froze, utterly shocked at what he'd done, but it didn't take long before she went onto autopilot, automatically wrapping her arms around his neck and he did the same around her waist. Kakuzu didn't hesitate, skipping past asking for permission as he simply wormed his tongue into her mouth, causing Suzaku to moan softly in response. Intertwining her tongue with his, however, she soon switched her focus to the stitches on the side of his mouth, exploring them with her tongue and making Kakuzu moan in return. His hands began to wander as their mouths reconnected, sliding up underneath her top to massage at her sides as they rose higher and higher, making Suzaku shiver in pleasure. In return, as one hand buried itself in his hair, the other slid down his torso to explore the stitches around the rest of his body as Kakuzu grunted at the feeling. Pushing her backwards Suzaku soon found herself up against a tree as Kakuzu moved his attention from her lips to her neck, making his way around until she gasped in pleasure, causing him to suck and lick at that spot harshly while Suzaku moaned at the feeling. Neither of them could pinpoint how exactly it had happened, but suddenly they didn't care. What might happen in the future could come later.

All that mattered right now was each other.