Clouded

Drift

Skye's Perspective

I looked at him and regret spilled over my mind like ink, and blacked out my thoughts as I saw the tears and the grief behind his eyes, his beautiful blue eyes.. as if the ocean itself was trapped behind crystalline bubbles. They are the colour you could drown in if you stared too long, though I figured that wouldn't be a problem.

He stayed there, holding me for a while longer, before he pulled back and studied me for a second as if he couldn't believe I was the same person he had seen a few years back. In truth, I wasn't.. I was the same girl, sure, but I was a broken, fragmented version. One that I didn't want anyone to see, least of all him.. my brother's best friend.

It hurt, the ache I had long forgotten had come back, settling deep within, my memory flashed back to the time I found out, where I screamed at the top of my lungs that I wanted him back, where I fell to the floor and led there as limbs reached out to pull and tug at me until there was nothing left. One thought in my mind as it happened, I Want To Die.

The quote was all too familiar now as from that moment to this one, I had repeated it a thousand times, some while perfectly fine, others when I thought I was about to take my last breath.

It didn't happen of course, I failed, realistically around thirty times, until I gave up complete control and lived my life in the shell of a person I once was, then when I was free, I failed again. I was both pleased and disgusted at myself that I let it happen. One second. One second was the difference between life and death.. and again I was forced to choose life.

I didn't know what to do, I didn't want to cause him pain.. How did I even end up in Ireland of all places, I miss home.. I miss mark..

"Hey.." he offered a sad smile but I didn't return it, too shook up from my mental break down, which I wasn't proud of in the first place.

"Look at me.. please.." I automatically did as I was told.. as I was trained to do.. I lifted my head.

He looked surprised for a second, before he continued softly.

"I can take you to the hospital, its a bit of a drive from here if you can manage?"

"No, No, No.. no.. I can't, please don't make me.. they'll find me.. they'll take me back.. I don't.. I can't.. I'd rather die" I choked, more tears falling. It wasn't like me to cry anymore, I had thought I had become some emotionless husk, but I think I preferred it that way.

"O..Okay.. no.. no hospitals then" he looked as terrified as I felt, I didn't mean to snap.. 

He looked like he had found both a miracle and a curse at the same time, until he shook himself a bit and reached around to the bedside table and picked up a cup filled with water and held it up to me.

"Here, you look dehydrated, we'll get some food in you and you'll feel much better!" he smiled, a flicker of his true, cheerful self resonated and it made the corners of my mouth turn up slightly into what could pass as barely a smile, before I knew what I had done and returned to my blank stare. He noticed though, still smiling softly at me as I began to take small sips of water. It burned my dry throat and I choked a couple of times before forcing the liquid down. He had a worried expression before he turned and jumped up from the bed, all enthusiasm again.

"I'll be right back, with some om noms, anything particular you fancy?"

I just shook my head in response and he nodded and turned to leave but as he went to close the door behind him, I startled.

"C..Could you, um.. leave the door open.. please.." I quickly added, in hopes he wouldn't think much of it, I didn't want him to worry.

"Sure!" he chirped and bounced out of the room.

I had no idea how he was so cheerful after that whole ordeal, but that was Sean all over.

Now that he had left, I could fully focus on my surroundings and my eyes scanned the fairly spacious room. There was a large black desk sat at one corner of the room, adorned by what I could guess was his set up for YouTube, if he even still did that.. Though the sight of the familiar cameras and lights set up to record made me wince slightly. Then there was the bed I was rather comfortably sat up in, covered by a mountain of fluffy blankets, woven by hand. The bed was the other side of the room, far out of sight from any camera. Above me, on the wall was a string of lanterns in all different colours. It made the room glow a soft cosy orange, which I loved. It was homely. Something I wasn't used too, but could appreciate.

On the wall also hung multiple paintings, mainly of scenes of nature that featured a piece of something futuristic and robotic. They were pretty, but one caught my eye, it was a watercolour painting. Framed and kept upon a shelf beside the door, it pictured a cherry blossom tree in different shades of purple and blue. I unravelled myself from the soft bedding and stood up to have a closer look, not taking any notice of the pain that shot from every limb on my body. It was mine.. I painted it, when I first learnt watercolours, Sean said it was pretty so I said he could have it to remember me by when he left to go back to Ireland.. He kept it all this time..