Clouded

Time

Skye's Perspective

Tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock..

Time to me, was a form of torture.

It was everything I both despised and hoped for at the same time, a love hate relationship with an invisible barrier that ran my life in some sort of order despite my own will. Time was something that couldn't be solved by even the most talented of scientists.

Something I both loathed and dreaded yet yearned for secretly.. because.. Time was something I had lost much of, and no matter how much I tried to hide how little that hurt me, on the inside, every second that would tick by in some strangers arms would tear at a little piece of me each time. I'm surprised there's anything left..

You can't escape time, no matter what, it flows on. People count on it as much as they count on the sun rising the next day. Because without time, where would we be? in a chaotic swirl of madness that won't ever end. How do I know? because I've been there. For months on end I would lose track of time, I wouldn't know if it was day or night, sunshine or snow.

No wonder I was broken, no wonder no one wanted me anymore. I shatter everything I touch and now.. now I had hurt the only one I had left.. Sean.

The bright, enthusiastic being that made life worth living day by day. I felt of some worth.. to even keep him company when he seemed lonely, but in reality I was only spreading my corruption.

Time and time again I've asked myself, when will it end? when will this endless nightmare allow me to finally wake up, in Mark's arms, where we could be happy together.. Just one last time.

Then there was Sean, who I had left in bed, to try and sleep while I perched upon a step of the staircase, listening to the clock as it ticked by. Each second seemed longer than the last as I listened, I felt what was left of my sanity slowly draining from the constant echoing sequence that wouldn't stop. It was the only thing I could hear.. That, and the whirlwind of my thoughts. 

It reminded me of a rhyme that I had once heard.. "Tick tock, Goes the clock, upon this Godly hour. Listen too long and your soul will turn into something sour"

I remember it from the orphanage, a girl, no older than nine would sing it constantly, never missing a beat. I didn't pay no mind to her at the time, but I think I finally understand. Such a terrible tune.. It's slow beat an echo of a memory. A mere fragment.

My mind had too many thoughts, thoughts that had been both held back and forgotten and I felt as though my head were about to burst from the pressure. I had already given myself a headache, even in the silence I sat in, even though the clock would pierce it every other second, it was relatively peaceful..

I however couldn't handle it a second longer, I didn't deserve peace.. I didn't deserve Sean.

So I ran.

I did as I had done before and I ran, fast though the cosy wooden door, through the tree's that scattered the late dawn's light into fragmented beams of orange and passion fruit and though countless fields of greenery.

Then after some time, I found myself back at square one.

It had been less than an hour and I found myself standing back upon the edge of the coastline, the cliff towering across the beaches below in its glorious stone stature. The cold winter's air blowing my hair into rivulets around me.

Through my haze I could see its beauty, as I had done so before, the tangles of weeds and flowers of every pastel colour imaginable that wound itself through the half broken down fences that acted as a pathetic barrier to tourists.

Every detail seemed perfect, the fence broken, beaten down into an aesthetic historic view, decorated with twirls of wildflowers winding themselves in vines around each beam. The tall blades of grass that flourished in the slight sea breeze, spreading the fragrance of the colourful flowers as waves of calm flooded through me.

Though looks could deceive anyone.. even me.

It was as though I were in some sort of trance and the world around me seemed to shrink. My senses sky rocketed and I felt a sour curl of dread knot itself into my stomach before a clothed hand was wrapped firmly across my face and beads of liquid trailed down my skin. The finale sensation I could feel and a voice that murmured faintly in the distance, as though next to me but a mile away all at once was heard.

Then it all went black.