Matters Of The Youthful Heart

The Ex (Part 1)

The ex, my soulmate. The only one of the candidates who I am currently not  on talking terms with. Yes it makes no sense but give me a chance to further explain the story of my unicorn Jamie.

I gave him the name unicorn, because he was a mystical creature to me. So beautiful, so perfect. He was my very own fairy tale. A Cinderella story if you may. He was so unique,  unlike anyone I had ever met before.

You could say it was love at first sight; I met my unicorn at twelve years when i was leaving childhood behind and entertaining into the wonderful world of teenage life. At the time i was staying with my aunt as both of my parents had left the country seeking better employment, taking my sister with them. Abandoned and lonely i stumbled upon my Knight in shining armour and I thought everything would finally be okay, but dark clouds were on the horizon.

I spotted Jamie while leaving school on a particularly hot sunny Friday afternoon, I was frustrated and tired as usual and couldn't wait to get home and for the weekend to start. Yet when I saw him I stopped and stared, getting home was no longer a priority to me,  to this day I have no idea what it was about you that made my head spin. I silently scolded myself for even imagining some one like him would ever look in my direction and continued on my way. But i couldn't get him out of my mind, throughout the whole weekend. When Monday eventually rolled around i had decided i needed to make a move. I approached Savannah his cousin and asked her for his phone number (the most brazen moment in my adolescence). To my surprise she actually gave it to me! And to my even greater surprise i actually found the guts to text him!! My first attempts to talk to Jamie were unsuccessful, he seemed to think it was funny that a mere primary school child was crushing on him and he had bigger better prospects being in his second year of highschool . There was always some cruel joke or trick up his and I was heartbroken by his treatment of me, not even getting to know me before placing his judgment. On my heart i knew the reason behind his cruelty was the fact that he had no interest in my whatsoever. So i hatched a plan, a plan to make him want me.

A small white lie, that's all it would take.

I told a small white lie that would define the next four years of my life. I made him believe i was someone else, not his cousins chubby classmate but a hot pretty blonde. Looking back the lie was stupid and definitely not believable but with a few stolen facebook photos i had my new identity. My unicorn happily swallowed the bait and begun endless conversations and sleepless nights of over the phone conversations with my persona (Angel). As easily as one falls asleep after a long day of laborious work, i fell in love (as lonely, confused children often do). I didn't know or care about what would happen in the future, i was happy. Even though i could barely move in the tight, sticky web of lies, i was happy for the first time in a long time.

His  romantic attentions were elsewhere however and i dutifully picked up the role of a good friend that was let down for me. I would rather be his friend and endure his constant rants about her than nothing at all. As i had found my soulmate in him he had found his in his "step" cousin Savannah (disgustingly complicated right). The tears i shed when i heard this news were endless. Didn't he see that i was the one for him? That i was the one that loved him?? That all she would ever do was cause him heartache and pain? I kept my questions to myself and waited in the shadows for the day that he would realise that all he ever needed called be found in the form of me.

So twisted at such a young age, him with his family affairs and me with my lies. Keeping up the persona was difficult and like all secrets eventually i was exposed. Exposed by the same "step" cousin who didn't even reciprocate my dear unicorns feelings!! I needed some one to blame for my situation (getting caught) so i blamed her. She quickly picked the holes in my story and unraveled my whole world. I had only known my Knight for a year but i felt like i was loosing a long time friend, an ice cold hand gripped my heart, my legs crumbled below me and breathing was nearly impossible. How was i supposed to explain to the man i loved that i was nothing but a dishonest, stupid girl?