Reasons Why SHINee Shouldn't Drink

For the Love of Chicken

"I wonder if anyone has ever married chicken?" Lee Jinki turned towards his band-mate, Key, who eyed him with concern and maybe just a hint of annoyance. "Kibum, you know a lot of weird facts - has anyone ever married chicken?"

"Jinki, are you already drunk?"

"Maybe. Will you answer my question?"

"I don't know if anyone has ever gotten married to something that you're supposed to consume, but I suppose I could look it up for you if it'll make you be quiet." Key pretended to type something into his phone before an exaggerated gasp escaped his mouth. "Oh no! It looks like you can't marry your food."

Onew turned to his friend, his eyes full of sadness and a small pout beginning to form on his face. "You don't have to be so mean about it, Key. I was just asking you a question."

Key instantly felt guilty seeing the genuine hurt he had caused his leader. The diva patted Onew's head gently before sighing. "I'm sorry, but even if you could marry chicken, I don't think it would last very long, Jinki-hyung. You wouldn't even make it to the honeymoon phase - you would eat it."

Onew's eyes began welling with tears and Key's jaw instantly dropped in surprise. The leader rarely cried and the fact that he was so upset about being unable to marry chicken was downright worrisome. However when he spoke, Key understood what was really troubling the idol. "Is that why all of my relationships end so badly? Are they afraid that I'm going to eat them? Oh God Kibum, what do I do? At this rate, I'm never going to get married and I really am going to have to marry chicken because it's the only thing thing that won't leave me." Onew buried his face in Key's shoulder and the rapper continued patting his head affectionately as his leader cried into his shirt.

Without warning, Onew jumped off of the couch and went to the counter where the soju he had been drinking was still sitting. Before Key could stop him, he grabbed the bottle and downed the rest of the contents in a matter of seconds. Key put his head in his hands and cursed himself for carelessly letting Onew drink anyway. They had practice in the morning!

Thirty minutes later when the alcohol hit Jinki's system, he was cursing himself for an entirely different reason. Onew was sobbing uncontrollably as he tore into the bucket of chicken that Minho had picked up on the way home from recording for his new show. He had intended for everyone to eat it so that Key wouldn't have to cook dinner, but Onew had ripped it out of his hands and refused to let anyone else near it.

Jonghyun had tried reasoning with Onew but had only managed to get himself hit in the eye with a drumstick bone after the leader finished eating the meat. The lead singer was nursing the injured eye and casting irritated looks at his friend with his other eye every few seconds.

Key let out an exasperated sigh after a few more seconds of watching Onew completely obliterate the poor chicken. "I guess I'll cook dinner. Thanks for trying to help, Minho."

Minho cast him a sympathetic look before turning back to the leader who was now mumbling something about chicken being his one true love. Key shook his head and made his way into the kitchen to start cooking the rice. As he was pressing start on the cooker, he heard a crash from the living room that sent rage through his entire body. Someone had thrown something. They had made the mistake of doing so in his living room.

The rapper bolted into the living room and was met with Onew being pinned down on the floor by Jonghyun who looked like he was ready to kill him. "You seriously ate all of the fucking chicken? How do you eat an entire bucket of chicken, Onew?"

Key searched around for the aforementioned bucket and found it underneath the mirror, where Jonghyun had apparently thrown it. Key was torn between cleaning up and saving his friend. In the end, his consciousness won out and he rushed over to Jonghyun, grabbing his collar in the process and forcibly yanking him backward. Jonghyun tried to wrestle with Kibum but Key used the height difference between them to gain leverage on the shorter man and hauled him over to the couch. With more force than was probably necessary, Key pushed him down onto the furniture and glared down at him with arms crossed over his chest, disapproval written clear as day across his features.