The Dragon

Brave

19 years old

We had just graduated high school over a  year ago, and let me tell you, it was a doozy in general, but the last year absolutely destroyed me. My parents had divorced many years ago, and when I graduated, I was going to stay with my dad and my step-mom for a bit over the summer. That alone was anxiety inducing since I didn't know her all that well. My mom had told my dad that they should visit us for a while first, since me being in a new place with a new person would be too much, but he insisted. But what we didn't expect was that he had been diagnosed with cancer...and he passed away while I was visiting. I was sent home immediately after he died, but I couldn't handle it and my mom ended up having to drive me to the hospital. It was that bad. It's still gotten even worse as the years went on, but I did still have my best friend through it all. She visited me every day in the hospital, which the doctors actually said helped. They said to have her around as much as possible, so as soon as she finished school and was moving out of her parents' house anyways, she stayed with me for a while. I was taking a year or two at least away from school, as suggested by many doctors, psychologists, and therapists. They said I should've been taken out of school a while ago, but that at least I wasn't being sent to school. Online school was just fine. We didn't have an extra room, so she settled her stuff in my room and we ended up sharing my bed most nights. It's funny, I've still been struggling with my feelings toward her for 3 years now. I loved cuddling her at night, but did I think of it as a friendly thing or a romantic thing? I still wasn't sure. You'd think I had figured it out by now, but nope. Apparently not. Great...
My mom never said anything about it, though. She knew to stay out of it and let us figure it out, but she did say once that she always wondered how she felt. I wanted to ask so bad, to bring up the conversation, but I was too scared. So, while I was lying awake tonight, with her right beside me, I just sighed and looked at her, before hugging her a little closer and drifting off to sleep.

~~~

I was lying there next to Mark just thinking. He had just fallen asleep a couple minutes ago. I don't think he knew that I knew he had still been awake, or that I was awake as well. He was just staring at the ceiling for hours, muttering things I couldn't understand under his breath before sighing and falling asleep. It had been happening most nights, but I could never make out what he was thinking about. Meanwhile I was up late thinking as well, but most likely about something completely different. I had been into him for about three years now, and still had never said a word about it. I didn't know how he'd react and I was scared that I'd lose him. I couldn't stop thinking about it though. Then, before I thought about it, I did something I knew I should never have done.

"Hey, so, I've been thinking for a while now...about us. And I know you can't hear me because you're off in dreamland but I need to get it off my chest. So, I'm into you. And I know that's bad, given your situation, and I understand that that's not what you want or need. But it's there. I love you more than you will ever know, and it's been killing me for a few years now. It's just...I love everything about you, I think someone would be insane not to once they got to know you. But like I said, I know you need a friend, and I'm a firm believer that I can have these strong feelings for you and just be your friend, and I'm okay with that. I just needed to say it."

Once I finished, I immediately regretted it, but at the same time, I felt so much better just getting to say it to him, even if he didn't hear it. But then, something I didn't expect happened.

"I love you too, Linds."

I looked at him, startled as we both sat up a little.