Heliotrope

Chapter 8: Wisteria

When I woke, I wasn't alone. There was a boy next to me in bed, who wasn't my husband. I couldn't move. I just watched his chest move, as he was still in his deep slumber. I ran my eyes all over every aspect of his fucking gorgeous body.

Our clothes were on the floor. I remembered how I had held him closer to me than ever before, how I shuddered at his hot breath all over me. How amazing it was.

But no. This wasn't for love. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. This was all wrong. This was out coping mechanism - this took his mind off of Bonnie, and mine off of Ash. Ash.

I had been unfaithful. I had cheated. I had done the one thing I had sworn I would never do. The one thing I looked at and shook my head in disgust at. But last night had been such an emotional night. It was like being drug-addicts, in need of their fix. We needed something to take all of the pain away, and we needed it now.

I left the room, but I couldn't stop thinking about it. The way my lips had just been dragged onto his sweet, soft one. It was electric. He felt so fucking electric. He was new and exciting. He was a bad taste in my mouth that I just couldn't get enough of. I wanted more. I wanted more of his taste, his touch, his quiet "I love you"s.

But it was too much. I should have never taken any of it in the first place. I belonged to Ash. My husband. And I was a disgusting excuse for a human. I didn't know what to do, who to love.

"Ash?" I couldn't speak. There was a knot in my throat. It wouldn't go no matter how hard I tried to get rid of it. Maybe it was just another punishment for being the filthy whore I was, the one who cheated on her husband. "Ash?" I choked up on the telephone. Dial-A-Bride.

"Serena!" He sounded like an emotional wreck. "I'm so sorry, I can't live with myself, anymore-" You're not the only one.

"I'm sorry, too." I spat out.

"No, no." He interrupted. "Everything is on me. This is all my fault. The hair, the arguments, the verbal abuse. I've been such a dick. But I can't lose you, Serena." I couldn't breathe. I wanted to just melt onto the floor - I wanted to disappear. Nothing made sense, last night I had wanted Clemont like I had never wanted Ash. I was hurt, so was he. I was already regretting what I did, but now my husband was proving to me my worst doubt: that he still loved me. That we could work out, afterall. "I don't want to wake up in the mornings beside anyone but you." 

That broke me. I just cried. And cried. I couldn't look at my reflection in the mirror without wanting the ground to swallow me up. Clemont was in love with me. "I've wanted you since I first met you, but I could never have you." He told me last night. But I had already married myself away to an older, stronger man. I was the wife of Ash Ketchum. He could never know about this. Not even if the planets collided. If I pretended it never happened - maybe I could fool myself into thinking that I was fine. Things could be perfect, again. Would he ever forgive me if he knew? "I love you, Ash."

"I love you, too." He paused. "I'm sorry I didn't trust you. Are you coming home?"

He was right to have not trusted me. I was pure evil, wickedness of the worst kind. I was dancing into disaster with a cruel smile on my face. I shouldn't have been walking the world. "Yes, but not now. I'm staying here for a little while." I sat down on the sofa, mentally exhausted. "I'll see you, soon."

"Alright, I love you, goodbye, babygirl." And for the first time in years, him calling me that actually had an effect. But it wasn't a good one.

I ended the call. Clemont, in all of his shameful shirtless glory, walked into the lounge. No more nightgowns, it was baggy sweatpants, now. We just looked at eachother and bowed our heads in shame. "I-I'm-" he couldn't speak, properly. "I'm sorry. I took advantage of you and I feel awful."

"No! Don't, please-" I walked towards, still a mess due to how absolutely fucking gorgeous he was. " I came onto you."  Those words were the truth, but I didn't want to admit that they were.