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She had never stood so still as she did when there was a knock at the door.
She knew that it was Steven, and, had his arrival been under different circumstances, she wouldn't have hesitated to allow him in. It wasn't his first time coming over; there were times when he'd just bring over food and a movie and that's how they'd spend their night. It was entirely predictable, but this night wasn't.
Even she couldn't foretell what could possibly happen, and she had developed a knack for understanding people so much that she could sometimes predict even their next words.
But Steven was just the epitome of unpredictability; possible ruin or possible reconstruction. As much as it was intriguing, it was scary.
She still hadn't moved. Like a deer in the headlights, she stood before the door. What excuse could she possibly use for not letting him in? He already knew she was awake and had even told her that he was coming over. She knew that she had no choice but to open the door and come face-to-face with her very own cataclysm.
He greeted her with a soft, catastrophic smile. "I-I was just gonna come in," he began, speaking faintly as if he was afraid he'd awaken someone, "but I didn't know if that would be inappropriate or not, so..."
"It's okay," she assured him with a small nod, and then took a step back, pulling the door open more, to create enough space for him to enter. By the time she closed the door behind him and turned to face him, he had already put his jacket on the back of the couch and quietly stood a few feet before her. "Um, sorry I sent all that to you," she added with a short breath that was supposed to act as a laugh, folding her arms over her chest. "It was supposed to be for Lauren, but, um... Anyway, yeah. Sorry you had to, um, endure my girl talk. It-"
"I would never leave you," he asserted, leaving her entirely off guard, her eyes wide and hands trembling, as he continued, "I mean, I'd never abandon you with my diabetic dog only to speak to you once a week... And I'd never hurt you, either. I think the way you're like this is 'cause someone hurt you once, and I just want you to know that I wouldn't. I can take your bad days as much as I'd appreciate your good ones, and I don't care if we only last a couple of weeks. I'd enjoy every moment of it, no matter what." His shoulders rose with a deep inhale as he took the slightest step towards her; all while she could only cautiously watch him, watch his lips shape every single word as he continued, "And, um, for the record, I think you're great. I think you're beautiful and funny and amazing, and to be with you, even for just a couple of days, would probably be one of the best things that's ever happened to me, so... Yeah. Uh, your turn."
She racked her brain for any reply that could reciprocate everything he had covered in his speech, but couldn't form any such thought. He covered every imaginable point; it made her wonder how many times he practiced the speech on the drive to her house, because she knew that there was no way he improvised the entire time.
And there was no way she could.
She took a deep breath, eyes darting as she shot a glance in every direction aside from his. "I, um..." she began with a shaky voice, "can't." Just as the last word left her mouth, she finally met his dark eyes and watched them go from relief, like the weight of the world had been lifted off his shoulders with every word that left his mouth, to concern.
"Um, I think you could," he hesitantly replied, "but you don't have to. I just wanted you to know that I have a lot of faith in us, and in you, so... I'm gonna go now."
Her mouth fell agape, ready to articulate whatever words she could come up with, but he began leaving, grabbing his jacket from the couch, and she didn't say a word. She couldn't. She silently stood where she had been standing for the past five minutes, directly in front of the front door - subsequently right in his way.
He didn't realise this until he stood just inches in front of her. A hand hovering about the doorknob, he had already decided that he was going to leave - he would leave and go home, and just pretend like it had never happened when they'd have to see each other at work the next day.
But just the way she stood made him want to stay. The way she was clearly aware of where she was standing and what she was doing, and how she was so consumed by her thoughts that she couldn't even look at him.
It must've all happened in a single second: she pulled her mind from the faraway places it had wandered too, finally looked at him, and stood on the tip of her toes to be level enough that her lips could press to his.
It was like being helpless in the midst of a hurricane. He, in his entirety, in this moment, was a hurricane of the utmost hazard, and she was just desperate to survive the first catastrophic wave. Nothing else mattered except for persevering through the initial damage.
He returned the kiss, however unexpected it might have been, softly, at first, but then with a swift intensity that it was almost overwhelming and she felt she had no choice but to pull away. Again, she went back to avoiding looking his direction - even with his body pressed to hers, a hand caressing her jaw and the other clinging onto the doorknob like it was the only thing that could stop him from floating away.
And then she spoke, so quietly he almost couldn't hear her, her whisper muffled by his own heavy breaths as he struggled to regain a normal breathing pattern: "You're fucked."
He took another heavy breath, the exhale splaying out against her dark hair, and then he breathe out a soft laugh and backed away. She still couldn't even spare him a glance, but she could hear the grin plastered on his face as he lightly replied, "Worth it."
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if you listen closely, you can hear me screeching in the distance because of stexa
but anyway so yeah perhaps this is just the beginning of the end ((((-;
