Ineffable

Ineffable | Seventeen

Kei wasn't exactly surprised when his leader returned early in the morning, dropping his bag onto the floor before he sat on the couch. He picked up his cat and began to pet it gently.

"Why aren't you asleep, Kei?"

"I was, but I woke up half an hour ago, and couldn't sleep again," Kei replied. It was silent for a while, until he decided to spoke up, "What was your relationship with Kuroo Tetsurou?"

There was a short, pregnant silence. "...You noticed, huh? You're too observant sometimes..." Kenma sighed, "Just childhood bestfriend, unfortunately."

"And he doesn't remember you?"

"That's the case," the leader replied, "Enough about me. What about you? I saw your reaction when we were busted in station-A at that time. Seems like you also knew someone."

"Yamaguchi. He was my friend at college. We never stay in touch, though. We're not that close. I tolerate him more than others, that's all," Kei reasoned. He didn't want to burden Kenma with his emotional stress like what happened to Hajime and Keiji, so he wouldn't tell.

"But you do care." Plans ruined.

"I-... Yeah. I guess I do. It can't be helped, but it's okay."

"It's not okay. Too many people are hurting, Kei. I need to stop this."

"But everyone made their own decisions, Kenma-san. Nothing can be done about it. None of us know this would happen. No one needs to take the responsibility," he argued. The topic is getting dark, and he disliked the idea.

"It's not a need. I want to. I want to do some good for once."

"You already helped us all. I think it's more than enough. Without you, I won't be able to afford my college. Not to mention the other members."

"You think how can I have that amount of money, Kei?"

Kei froze. Why didn't it cross his mind before?

"Bounty hunting," the answer came, "I've been keeping that as a secret, but I think you deserve to know, since you still worry about me. I kill people for cash."

'Murderer', was the first word that crossed his mind. How? He understood the bombings, since it has a valid reason. But this? Just for money?

"I only kill drug dealers, just like the bombs we set off months ago. It was really just out of spite, Kei. Indirectly, people like them ruined my life. My father was addicted to those pills that he forgot to take care of his family. My mother and I suffered for so long, she died and he committed suicide soon after. You can call it a grudge. It's just so selfish, but at least I also got to help you all financially."

"I know I shouldn't justify my actions with that, but I still did. I'm not as great as you think I am. I'm just a coward, hiding behind my words like this."

Kei looked down. Such explanations had now brought him an inner conflict. Painful, to learn that his leader had done lots of murder, just out of hatred, just to get money.

"Well... I suppose... It's not a completely bad reason. We are a part of this gang, we chose to take the risks so we won't blame you. Even about your actions. Even about what we did together. And even about the White Crows."

No reply. Kei turned to look at his superior, and he was shocked, to say at least. Kenma was staring at the ceiling, gritting his teeth. Silent tears were threatening to fall, but he blinked them away. The golden eyes glistened slightly, still misty.

The cat meowed, waking up his owner from his daze. Kenma let out a deep breath, as he rose from his seat, grabbing his bag and began to leave.

"Just wait. It will be over soon, I'll fix it all. Everything will be alright, I promise."