Life With The Men I Love: Lies, Love and Pain

Chapter 32

$$$ India $$$

I sat there, watching Ivy as she played, her little giggles filling the room and giving me a small sliver of peace. She was the only part of Grey that felt untouched by all the chaos, the one piece of him that was innocent and unscarred. My thoughts were interrupted by Adrianna, who walked into the room with a concerned look on her face.

"Mommy?" she called softly.

"Yes, baby?"

"I think something's wrong with Grey."

I frowned, instantly on alert. "Why do you say that?"

"I heard him talking to himself," she said hesitantly, her face reflecting a mix of confusion and worry.

"He was probably just thinking out loud, sweetheart," I said, though I felt a twinge of unease.

"But... he was shaking, Mommy."

The worry in her voice made me pause. "I... I don't know, Dri."

"I think you should check on him," she suggested quietly.

"Maybe I should," I replied, feeling the weight of her concern. "Would you watch Ivy for me?"

"Sure, Mommy," she said, her face lighting up a bit. "Oh, before you go... what are we doing for Ivy's first birthday?"

"Grey mentioned something about Disney World," I answered, smiling as her face brightened with excitement. "We'll talk about it later, okay?"

She nodded, and I gave her a quick hug before making my way upstairs. The closer I got to our room, the heavier the air seemed to feel. I reached the door and saw it was cracked open, allowing me a glimpse inside. Through the gap, I saw Grey sitting on the edge of the bed, shoulders hunched, his hands shaking as he stared down at the floor.

"Grey?" I called softly, stepping into the room.

He looked up, his face marked with exhaustion. "I can't stop the dreams, India," he murmured, his voice barely audible.

"What dreams?" I asked, walking closer.

"For the past few days, I've been dreaming about my father."

A chill ran through me. "Do you... do you want to talk about it?"

He hesitated, looking away. "No."

I sighed. "Talking can help, Grey. Keeping everything inside only makes it worse."

After a long silence, he whispered, "When I was a kid, he... he used to hit me and my mom." Though I already knew this, I stayed silent, letting him talk. "In my dreams, it's like I'm back there again. He's saying all the same things, telling me it's right, that you have to show her who's in charge so she won't think about leaving you. That... that it's how you love someone."

His voice broke, and my heart ached for him. "Grey, that isn't love. That's not how you show love."

"I keep telling myself that, but it's all I know," he said, his voice filled with frustration and sadness.

I took a deep breath. "You need to go back to the psychiatrist, Grey. You can't handle all of this on your own."

He shook his head. "They just tell me things I already know. It doesn't help."

"Maybe not right away," I replied gently, "but I'm trying to help you too, and I can't do it alone. You need more support than I can give you."

The room fell silent. After a moment, he asked, "How much do I hurt you, India?"