Life With The Men I Love: Lies, Love and Pain

Chapter 39

Dear Tremaine,

I know you think I'm foolish, even lost, for trying to protect a man who's hurt me. But there are things you don't understand, things buried deep in me, wounds I'm not sure will ever heal. Losing Kevin shattered me. He was my whole world, and when he left, it was as if a part of my soul went with him. When you came into my life, I thought you were going to help me put those broken pieces back together, to show me a love as unconditional as his.

At first, you did. You understood me in a way no one else could, and when you told me you'd love me to the best of your ability, I believed it. You taught me to love again, to believe in something new and real. I'll never forget the moment you told me you loved me or the day you asked me to be your wife. I'd never felt that kind of joy before. For a brief, beautiful moment, I thought I had everything.

But that day was short-lived. The night I saw you with her, the night everything I thought I knew shattered—I can't put into words the emptiness that followed. You broke something in me that night, something I didn't think could ever be repaired. I felt so empty, so alone, but then I found Dri. I thought I'd lost the chance to be a mother, but there she was, my own miracle. I forgave you that day because she brought so much light into my world.

And then you came back into my life. I left a man who loved me to be with you, believing we'd find our way back to each other. But when it came down to choosing, I waited and watched, hoping you'd choose me. And then you said, "I do," to her. Those two words cut me more deeply than anything else.

Still, I stayed. I kept hoping, kept coming back, and with each passing year, you chipped away at me a little more. You were so caught up in your world, your decisions, that you couldn't see me breaking. Grey was the one who helped me pick up the pieces. He wasn't the man he is now. Back then, he was patient, understanding, and he stayed when everyone else walked away.

When Dri was a baby, I fell apart. The weight of a newborn, a career, the constant stress—it nearly crushed me. I tried reaching out to my family, to friends, but no one had the time. I'd barely start talking before they'd say they had to go. Grey was there, picking me up, taking care of Dri when I thought I couldn't even take care of myself. He helped me become the mother I needed to be, even when I'd given up on myself.

And then there was that night—the night I almost didn't make it out. I came home and someone was there, waiting for me, ready to force himself on me. Grey came in just in time. Afterward, I was a wreck. I tried to tell my family, but they were too busy. My mother was off with Mila, forgetting that she had another daughter. I was alone, and Grey was the only person who stayed, who didn't turn away. He loved me through the darkest parts of my life, through postpartum, anxiety, depression, through the scars you and Kevin left. I don't think anyone will ever understand what he did for me.

Now he's sick, and I thought I could save him the way he once saved me. But I see now that some battles are beyond my reach, beyond my love. Call me foolish, but I had to try. I wanted him to know that he'd never be alone, just as he was there for me. Everything I'm doing now—leaving, taking Adrianna—is to protect you and our children. There are parts of this I know you can't see or understand, but I love you, Tremaine, and I always will.

The kids and I are leaving for a while. I don't want to keep Adrianna from you, not when she's finally a part of your life, but I don't have a choice. You'll see her again soon, once everything has calmed down. For now, please understand that this is something I have to do. Goodbye, Tremaine.

With all my love,
India ❤️

Trey

There was a CD attached to the letter. I slid it into the stereo, sank into the sofa, and listened. India's voice washed over me, raw and open in a way I hadn't let myself see before. I never knew—never realized—how much she was carrying, and all I'd done was add to her burden. She's been through so much, and I was just another weight dragging her down. I kept making decisions that I thought were right, but I never once stopped to think about how those choices cut into her.

I understand now why she tried to help him. He did everything for her that I should have done. He stood by her side when no one else would, and I see now that all this time, she needed him. I get it. I see her loyalty, her devotion to people who've stood by her. I can't fault her for that, even if it hurts me. I used to think she was just too soft-hearted, too quick to care for others, but now I know that's her strength. She's fighting to keep us safe, even if that means leaving with my daughter.

But the thought of losing Dri... I'm not ready. I've only just started to be her father, and I don't know how to let her go, even for a while. India says she's protecting us, but it feels like she's tearing my heart out. I can only hope that whatever she's fighting, she'll make it back. And maybe, maybe I'll finally be the man she needed all along.