Love Is Just Another Four Letter Word

All we can do now is wait

   

      What can i say for today? Oh right, well today i just followed the same routine, but I guess that's what I'm best at. Just going with everything that is around me. But i felt like something was different. This time things felt ......unaccomplished, like something was holding me back. I may only be in freshman year but I guess that's what high school does. It's a change that makes you realize the best and worst parts of yourself, slowly creeping up on you, making you doubt your whole existence. But who am I to say that's what everyone's' experience is like, maybe that's just me. Today I have to go to the hospital anyways, it's not going well. Things turned downhill and I'm scared this will be the end of it.

   As soon as I got home , I ran straight to my room and called my friend.. Only he knows the situation, only he knows what makes me feel better. He quickly answered, knowing I usually text unless I've just gone to the hospital.

"I won't say a word until it is necessary ok? I am here for you, just like I've always been."

"Thank you. Things are worse. Each time I go there i expect a different answer from the doctors but it's always the same 'There isn't anything we can do but wait.' and each time I hear it, I feel like my world is crumbling into a million pieces. I just really want to focus on school, even if I hate it, it's my only escape. I don't know what I would do if you weren't in my life. You keep me sane and I love you for it."

"I love you too, and I know it is difficult to hear and I dont want you bearing this alone. Please, let me go with you next time, I can't let you go through this alone. You need someone there with you, and I would be more than glad to go."

"I already told you why I can't let you come. Don't forget you are part of the reason why I am going through this."

"I know, and I don't know what I can do to make up for all of this.. Even if something existed that would make you forgive me."

"I need time, but you still are my best friend, nothing will change that. I've forgiven you for parts of it. Please just come over, I need a friend right now. We can talk about other things later, just please don't leave me here alone."
  
  As i said that I could feel the knot forming in my throat wanting to errupt. I hung up the call knowing he would come over soon and let the tears fill my pillow. The damn words always creeping in my head, the same words that made me want to not feel the hurt when I knew I would hear them again

  All we can do now is wait.

But what if I didn't want to wait. I can't wait, I need someone to tell me everything is fine and everything will be over soon. Even if it is just a lie.
  And just like that, my bedroom door burst open, except it wasn't whom I had hoped it be, so I stayed in my bed, bug-eyed and jaw on the floor. I couldn't move and could barely breath. I must be imagining this!