Love and All It Does

P R O L O G U E
I keep my feelings for him stored away in a journal. Whenever I write there, I pour my heart out in the high hopes of being able to clear it out and forget all about him. It never worked though, for every time I try to think back to the times we've spent together, I only end up in a state of deeper confusion.

It was three years ago, back in year eight when I first came to South California University. I had succeeded in convincing myself I was over him for the sole reason I had started pitying myself for loving someone and not be loved back the same way. I thought I deserved better for a first love. But when I saw him walking down the hallway with his friends, I couldn't believe my eyes. I know this is impractically true because the world never stops spinning, but that moment felt like such. I thought I was going insane, but no matter how hard and often I pinch myself, there he is. Breathing the same air I was breathing. That's when I came to conclude that I wasn't—at all—over him; that I can never be.

And because I was desperate, and I felt like bursting with this indescribable feeling of love and delight, I approached him and fell on his arms. I was young, forgive me, I didn't know how pathetic that would make me look like. The sad reality of it was that I didn't get the reaction I had hoped for; there's this mockery and humiliation painting his face and that was when I backed away. I feel like shrinking because everyone had bothered to stop and watch like this was some entertainment. I had basically proffered myself to be the center of attention.

I cleared my throat and straightened up. "Hey, I missed you. How dare you leave!" I teased and chuckled nervously. There was no hint of recognition from his ever-beautiful green eyes, that I had realized I wasn't so familiar with anymore. I was starting to feel afraid. What is this?, I had asked myself.

He had tilted his head, eyes squinted and my stupid self had still hoped he'll quit it with make-pretend. There was still this little hope in me that he remembers me and how much we'd spent together. Well, he has to. But he didn't. Instead he said, "I'm sorry, but who are you?"

That was when I felt my heart break into pieces. I couldn't believe what came out of his lips. I couldn't believe he would say that. He had hurt me in ways unexplainable by those mere words which sounded bad together. Who are you? Who was I...

I was mad. And I stayed mad for a while. I had endured that much longing and he will pay it back with not recognizing me? Did he do that because he's apparently earned a reputation that he needed to uphold and by doing that, he needs to forget who I was? Did he do that because he spent more years in France than he did with me and felt like I was unimportant anymore? Did he suddenly decide that his prominence meant more than the actual relationship he had established with me? It didn't make sense how he couldn't remember me. Did I change that much? Was it my hair? Or the way I dress?

That was then, this is now. Although I still write on my journal, but that's only when I couldn't keep these unspoken feelings I still have for him. I don't feel the same way as I did before because three years had changed me. I decided not to have to do anything with him anymore, even if I still feel a pang in my heart when he only passes me by the hallways. Fine then, I told myself, if this is your game, I'd be the MVP.

We've gone our separate ways now and there's no point of having to collide once again. If this is how our lives were fated, then I'll let it be. If we were ever meant to be with each other, we'll find our way back.

It was nice loving someone from a distance. Because then, I learned that what love does is give you a perfect illusion of a happy ending, while slowly unraveling the reality that you cannot have it.

A U T H O R ' S N O T E
All of the ideas and events here were just made up. The characters are in no way related to the real ones. This is fictitious. I used the characters for their looks, nothing else. 

This story is not copyrighted nor stolen. Any story that are partly similar to what is mine are coincidental and is not intended by the author. If you happen to see anyone copyrighting and/or claiming my story as theirs, please let me know.

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Thank you and happy reading! I hope you enjoy!