The Runaway

Gone

guilt, hatrid,betrail just some of the feelings i am feeling at what i have hered.

my hands stary to shacke my brething staggered.

my eyes dart around trying to find my mum. why? i dont really know to be honest but she is no where 

"where is my mother?" i ask with a toneless voice 

"out" he replied in the same tone 

"where" i asked again

"shops, now is there any thing you wanted or are you just going to stand there, you know its your falt so you have your answer" he said tiered of the convosation

"no i dont, you didnt say how it is my falf! im a kid how can it be MY fault!" i demanded an answer 

"well someone has a temper dont they.... fine if you must know" he started "about 7 months befor you were born i didnt know your mother was pregnant and we wnt on holiday to spain and we had a grate time but when we got back your mother..became ill.." he paursed "she told me about her being pregnant and we went to the doctors to find out what was wrong ..... it was an ill ness that they had never seen befor and didnt know how to treat it without harming you or your mother so they gave her some antibiotics and it got better"

"so hows this my fault" i asked not following

"shut up let me talk" he spat 

"the months past and she wasnt her self since we got back and then a month befor you were ment to join us on the earth we were going for our last scan when a car colided with ours and a screem esaped your mums lips and her waters broke and she was in pain but didnt kow why, the ambulance was quick got us the the hospital and hours pased befor they would tell me anything and when they did they told me i could loes both of you that you were both on deaths door"he continued " i didnt know what to do but they let me see you and your mother, your mother lay there pail skin cold her hair damp and in a mess her eyes dull and life less but life was still in her body somewere and she would be alive again no matter what aslong as i had anything to do with it!" his voice raised in anger?" and you were a tiny baby girl newborn pink and your tiny chest raising and falling. weeks past and the bills were piling up, i losy my job and turned to alcohol to numb the pain but eventually you both got better but your mum never fully recovered and me? well you are the thing that took away the happyness the life from your mother who tund me to alcohol"

as the words sunk it i couldnt speak, it wasnt my fault it was his for turning to alcojol but yet i am a reminder that bring him to go back for more. 

i turn towards the stairs and head up them without a word, i enter my room which is cold and still 

' mum 

i am sorry that i have made you un happy all these years and  i am the one who has turend dad into what he is to day.

i am going, leaving and i wanted to let you know that i love you so much and all i want is for you to be happy and if that means me going then i will go. i would have loved to see you happy like befor i was born 

I wish all the best, be happy and dont worry 

I LOVE YOU 

skylar

'

tears dripping onto the page as i tare in out to stick onto the door of thier room i pack a back pack with some cloth water and food and a picture of me and lucy i take one last look at my room at the moments i cried myself to sleep hered things a kid shouldnt hear and looked out the samll window hoping that things would get better, guess that wish never came ture. i remember a night it was the day befor christmas eve and i was looking out of the window praying that this year my dad wouldnt get drunk and hurt us or even just not get drunk and thats when the shooting star went past and that day my wish came true that christmas was the only day we were happy together and noone argued and we spent the day as a family.. a normal family. 

i steped out of the room and put the note on the door labled to my mum and made myway doen the narrow stairs to fund my dad passed out drunk on the sofa, his skin dry and the bags under his eyes dark his cloths with rips and stains on like you would find a hobo wearing i guess. i thought leaving him i would feel some love towards him but nothing, not a thing, to me he is a peice of dirt that you find in the bin.

i opened the door and walked out shuting in behind me and walk to the end of the path and turn around 

" Good by house, memories, maybe ill be back... someday" i whispered and tured back abound trying to figure out my next move

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