I'm going crazy. I know I am. I keep having suicidal thoughts, I keep having nightmares of Matthew, I keep smoking. I need help. Matthew might try, he always fixes me, I don't know how, but I need him to fix me now. I want to get these thoughts and nightmares out of my head, but no matter what I do, it won't work. I need help, serious help. I want a happy life. I don't want to be stressed by my own mind, I need him. No one but him can help me. I'm trying to control myself, but it doesn't work, I'm just driving myself crazier. I can't do this. I need to protect him and my family, I don't know how. I need help, badly
