Those Three Words

Chapter Twenty-one

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     I wiped my sleepy eyes as I woke up from a nap. I'd spent the whole day at the hospital and I haven't even eaten a bite. I knew any minute someone would walk in the room and force me to leave for a short period of time. I hated leaving his bed side, though. I know someone is always there when I'm not, but it doesn't feel right knowing I'm not there.

"Avalon, you need to go downstairs with your brother and get something to eat." I sighed, I knew it would happen soon. I stood up beside Carsons bed and kissed his hand. I didn't want to walk away, but I knew I had to. I had to leave if I wanted to stay here again tonight. Carsons grandmother wouldn't allow me to spend the night unless I ate something during the day. I guess it's sweet, she's looking out for me. I just hate it so much.

     Declan and I walked down to get something to eat quickly. He's always so worried that I'm not eating much. I'm just not hungry, though. All I want to do is hold Carsons hand. I just want to be by his side 24/7. It's bad enough that I have to go to school. My work told me that I could come back as soon as everything with Carson was better, so that meant a lot. That means more time with him.

     Mia was here today, and she ran up to me to hug me. Mia and I have became closer than ever. She reminds me so much of her big brother. She's such a sweetheart. I think the fact that she's mute as well has something to do with why we're so closer. We have a bond because of it, a bond that is special to my heart.

     I can tell that she misses her big brother. Every time she sees  him laying in the hospital bed like that, she starts crying. I feel so bad. If it weren't for me she wouldn't have to see her brother like that. I don't think anybody realizes that this is all my fault. They're showing me so much support when I did this to him. I don't deserve all the support that they're giving me.

     We all grabbed a bite to eat, and then went back upstairs to see Carson before I went home to shower. Declan was forcing me to, and he wanted me to watch Mia for a little bit so his grandmother could stay by herself in the hospital for a bit. I agreed, because she deserved to be able to see her grandson.

     After my shower, I gave Mia a bath. I thought I would help her grandmother out as much as possible. Declan, Mia, and I went over to Carsons house to play with the dog for a bit. River was going crazy, He missed Carson so much, and you could tell. He moped around all day instead of being the happy puppy he always is. It made me want to write my letter for the day to Carson.

'Saturday, November 22nd

Carson,

      Today I'm writing your second letter. It makes me sad that I have to write two, so you need to wake up soon before I write three. I miss you. I miss you being awake, and I miss being by your side in general. I forgot to mention yesterday how much it bothers me when I can't see you. I don't eat so I can spend all day with you, and I only leave when I'm forced. I hate being apart from you.

     I spent most of the day at the hospital with you until your gram and sister showed up. I let your gram stay and spend some time alone with you, and Declan and I took Mia home. They all really miss you, I can tell.

     Your gram looked so sad when she walked in and saw you today. The doctors came in and added a bunch of new tubes. They tried to explain it, but it was in medical talk. All I know is it wasn't good. You were doing so good, what's wrong with you boy? You have to work harder at this. You have to fight.

     Mia misses you so much. I can tell how much your sister truly loves you. She walks into your hospital room and starts crying when she looks at you. I feel so bad for her, and for you, and for your gram. I wish things were different, I wish it were me laying there instead. I hate to see your family go through this, it's so depressing.

     River misses you, too. Every time I go to your house to play with him, feed him, and let him out to potty, he's doing nothing but moping around. He misses his daddy playing a little rough with him. As soon as you get out you better pet your puppy. He's going crazy, Carson, I swear. His depression is what caused me to write todays letter.

     Today wasn't anything too special. It was a Saturday, so I just sat around in the hospital watching you. Of course, any time with you is special, I'd just rather it not be in a hospital room. It's depressing seeing you the way you are.

     I miss you more than anything right now. I'm so nervous about court. There's eight days left until I put Brian away. That means 8 more days until I prove to you that I'm keeping up my end of this deal. You better prove to me that you're going to keep fighting. That means no more new tubes. The less tubes the better. Prove it to me, Carson. I know you can do it. I know I can do it. We can both overcome these obstacles, and then we can be together again. We can be happy again.

     Last but not least, I want you to remember how much you mean to me. I have so much faith in you. I love you more than anything in this whole world, Carson. Please, fight harder.. I need you in my life.

                                              -Avalon.'

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