(WARNING!! Possible trigger warning for some people. There is details pertaining to anorexia and purging. Please skip ahead if this is triggering for you or makes you uncomfortable ! (: )
{skylar}
I feel sick to my stomach. He hates me. Luke despises me. Why did I say that? I'm so stupid. I should've just told him what was wrong. He'd understand. I think he would. I rub the sleepiness out of my eyes, looking at the half-eaten granola bar on my bedside table. 89 calories. I nearly gag, tossing it into the garbage can. My stomach rumbles, I want to eat so bad but I can't. I swiftly change into a pair of baggy sweatpants and an over-sized sweater, shielding my frail and weak body. It's the same emotionless routine each morning. Brush my teeth with the chemical-flavored toothpaste, brush my limp hair, rinse my face with frigid water, and force food down. My least favorite part of each morning. I'm downstairs now, heating up a bowl of oatmeal in the microwave. 200 calories is spinning in that ceramic dish right now. Add on 60 calories of syrup, and 80 calories of orange juice. I pull the bowl out immediately, burning my fingers in the process. My stomach groans and the enticing smell of brown sugar and cinnamon fills my nose. Just eat it, I think. One bite won't harm you. Suddenly I'm shoving spoonful after spoonful down my throat. My stomach is filling, warm and fuzzy and full. Then the guilt sets in. What have I done?! I down the glass of orange juice and stare at the empty bowl and cup, then down at my stuffed-to-the-brim belly. I am disgusting. Now I'm hunched over the toilet, forcing myself to choke up every piece of food I wanted to eat. 340 calories mixed with bile pouring out of my mouth. I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand, flushing the clumpy mess, swirling in the water before disappearing. I pop 3 pieces of gum into my mouth, and check the time. 6:00am. I'm right on time. I hate mornings.
skylar: i need help.
*message not sent*
(Listen here guys, i am NOT trying to romanticize mental illnesses on this book nor will i ever. mental illnesses are real problems and arent anything to joke around with. please understand that real people have these real illnesses and are struggling with them more than i can ever imagine or write about. thank you:)))
