Promise?

I Miss You

I miss cold nights,
under torn blankets,
with special names.

I miss depressing days,
with video games,
and favours just for me.

I miss before the calling names,
from pipes that blaze.
I miss juice being juice,
and not always my chase.

I miss a silent soul,
in a small black book.
I miss flower petals,
on my dresser,
rather than my grave.

I miss grocery stores with,
inpatient eye rolls.
I miss teddy bears so big,
they take up the livingroom.
I miss lonely nights,
from London's skies,
hopes you're searching too.

I miss macaroni and meat,
tomato sauce with beef.
I miss pixel square beds,
they're coloured red,
two are side by side.

I miss even raging fires,
sown from lies,
words I won't repeat.
I miss a man in masks,
the faceless task,
everything's kept away.
I miss bleeding red,
from feelings bad,
better than nothing.

I miss being not alone,
for another understands.
I miss smiling,
in a way that doesn't,
feel like just another act.

I miss beforehand,
when it seemed so,
never changing.
I miss only one bed,
a livingroom filled,
with black couches in leather,
and paw prints.

I miss before my vodka drowned,
before cigarettes were found,
back when tight black dresses,
zippers stayed sticking down.

I miss when a stripped red sweater,
fell off of my shoulder.
I miss when jeans,
ripped on the fence.
I miss videos of hiding,
in a fridge appearing high.
I miss movies where characters,
sing and nobody hears their song.
I miss a glistening sun and,
an angry brother.
I miss tingling lips struggling,
to stand up straight.

I miss a heart that,
changes colours,
on a chain forever gone.
I miss a heart that,
contains five numbers,
nothing left but sad or numb.

I miss but,
am I even allowed.
I miss and then,
they cry and they frown.
I miss so I,
shut my mouth.
I miss and I have,
to silently scream,
to silently drown.
I miss with,
no sound.

I miss the nonexistent.
Forever unfound but not me now.
I miss I miss I miss...