I See Why He Didn't Say No (Marliza)

I Hate My Life

Positive, positive, positive, positive, and so on. They all read the same.

Maria began to sob into her hands and her breathing became ragged and she had to lean against the wall to steady herself. She hadn't had an anxiety attack in an entire week and she could already tell she was about to have a terrible one.

She tried in vain to catch her breath for another minute or so before giving up and letting herself slip into an attack. Her vision blurred, she hyperventilated and sobbed. She was drowning again and she couldn't pull herself out of the water. All she could feel was panic. 

I can't have a baby. Especially not his baby. What will Eliza say? I'm gonna be kicked out.

Suddenly Maria heard the doorknob to the bathroom jiggle.

Somehow she stood, panicked and knocked all of the pregnancy tests into the trashcan, still in the midst of an anxiety attack. She dropped back to the ground as it consumed her again.

-

Eliza left the diner and let her sisters stay longer. She had to get changed for work and they were still eating. They were also planning on going to a movie afterward. When Eliza opened the front door of the house she expected to see Maria on the couch, but she was nowhere in sight. The TV wasn't even on.

"Maria?"

There was no response.

Then Eliza heard it. Muffled sobs and panicked breathing coming from the bathroom. 

"MARIA?"

Eliza ran to the bathroom door and pressed her ear against it. She could hear Maria hyperventilating and crying and she knew that the girl was having an anxiety attack. She jiggled the doorknob. "Maria, let me in please."

The girl on the other side of the door began to cry louder and Eliza heard objects falling into the trashcan. What was going on?

"Maria, honey, I just wanna help you. Can you hear me?" Eliza tried again.

"I c-can't unlock the d-door," Maria finally spoke.

Eliza frowned. "Can you try really hard for me? Just reach up and try really hard?"

She heard the sound of the lock clicking and she pushed the door open. Maria was kneeling on the ground, leaning against the wall. Her body was shaking so violently as she attempted to catch her breath, even retching a few times.

Eliza grabbed her hand and placed it on her shoulder. This one would take longer to reign in. "Maria, listen to my voice. You're just in Angelica's bathroom, okay? You're safe. I'm right here. Nothing bad is going to happen to you or me or anyone. Match my breathing."

Maria tried to do as instructed, but Eliza could see her struggling and she just couldn't do it.

"E-Eliza I'm gonna d-d-d-die he-ere," Maria managed to get out in between her gasping sobs.

"No." Eliza shook her head. "You're gonna be okay. You're much stronger than that. Find my breathing. Match my breathing. You can do it." She took both of Maria's hands and placed them on both of her shoulders. She turned to face the shaking girl and put her hands on Maria's shoulders as well, hoping to ground her.

Maria tried harder, her face nearly blue, and after a few minutes, her breathing was becoming less frantic.

"There you go," Eliza congratulated, softly rubbing Maria's shoulders with her thumbs, "You got this."

After about thirty minutes Maria was almost back to normal, save for the silent tears running down her cheeks.

Eliza sat against the wall and pulled Maria into her lap, letting the girl's head fall onto her chest. "That was a big one, Maria."

The girl nodded softly.

"Wanna tell me what happened?"

Hearing those words, Maria's breath quickened and she tried to pull away. "No, no, no, no, n--"

"--Okay, okay, it's okay," Eliza soothed, pulling the girl back into her gently, "You don't have to do anything you don't want to."

"Do you wanna go take a nap?"

Maria nodded and Eliza helped her up and walked with her. When they reached Eliza's room she helped the girl onto the bed and tucked her. Then she made to walk out of the room.

"Can you just-just lay with me for a little bit?" Maria asked nervously.

"Of course." Eliza crawled under the covers and tentatively put her arms around Maria, who settled back into her.

About thirty minutes later Maria was asleep and Eliza got up slowly, careful not to wake her. She needed to do some investigating to figure out what brought on Maria's anxiety attack. She remembered the sound of something being knocked into the garbage can in the bathroom and decided to look there.

It didn't take Eliza long to figure out what happened. As soon as she looked into the trashcan she saw the pregnancy tests and she knew. "Holy shit."

"What are you doing?"

Eliza whipped around to see Maria standing in the doorway of the bathroom, looking down at her feet. "What are you doing up?" Eliza asked, flustered.

Maria backed up. "I-I'm sorry. I just woke up and you weren't there and I couldn't fall back asleep. I'm sorry," she tried to justify, her face showing fear.

"It's okay, it's okay," Eliza spoke gently, "I didn't mean to make you scared. I'm not angry, I promise." She turned back to the trashcan uneasily. Should she tell Maria what she knew?

She didn't get a chance to decide because Maria cut in, "You know, don't you?"

"I--"

"--Look, please don't kick me out--"

"--Maria--"

"--I'm so, so sorry. I'm-I'm just trash. I'm a whore, everybody knows it. J-Just please don't make me leave. James would find me and I-I'm scared." Her voice broke and she began sobbing.

Eliza stood up and hugged her tightly. "Shh, it's okay. I won't kick you out. I would never do that to you, Maria."

"What am I gonna do, Eliza?" Maria cried into Eliza's shirt.

Eliza stroked her hair. "It's gonna be okay. You don't have to make any decisions right now. I will support you in whatever you want to do." 

"Thank you. I don't know what I did to deserve you, Eliza."

"You deserve the world," Eliza whispered, kissing the top of Maria's head.

AN: Wow what a crazy chapter. Just warning you guys: IT'S GOING TO GET POLITICALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL *evil laughs*