The colours from the window filled my eyes and I stared at them from my place on the bed. The blankets were thin but I didn't mind, I was used to the cold. I didn't even feel it. I was happy. I mean, as happy as you can be if you're locked up in an asylum never to see more than 5 human's at once. This week will be quiet, no voices filling my head and urging me to kill. The inevitability of my life hits me square in the chest. I will never be "cured". The weeks will turn into months and then years and then decades until I leave this hell. The same schedule over and over again until I fall more deeply into madness. 1 week of hell with her in my head, the sedation and than 1 week of quiet.
I wonder if my parents still remember me. How could they forget? I nearly murdered them in their sleep. They probably got a big shock. I had been keeping her secret, I never told anyone of the voice in my head. I even kept her in check and never harmed anyone. That night was different. She was angry, she wanted blood to spill. Blood did spill that night, my mums. I cut her face with the knife. From her forehead to her neck. She tried to escape but I was stronger. They never trusted me after that. They couldn't. Sending me off to an asylum seemed like the best possible solution.
After that I lived my life in this small cell, only leaving for sessions with Dr Torris. The sessions never helped, she would keep mocking him and I would have to control my urges to murder him. One day I couldn't stand her. She was pushing her will into me and I had had no control over my body. I nearly murdered him that day. I murdered the guard who tried to stop me. I stabbed his stomach and gouged out his eyes out with a pen. I was horrified at what I had done, I killed another innocent soul. I tried to tell Dr Torris that it wasn't me who killed the guard, that it was her.
He would listen to me and nod, but I knew deep down he didn't believe me. He didn't believe me even a little bit. I was a monster to him, a monster to everyone. Too dangerous to be let out into the world. I hear footsteps approaching and crane my neck back to see who's coming, a guard halts outside my cell and peers in. He quickly spots me and smiles, radiating warmth, not something I'm used to. "How ya doing?" he asks in a heavy English accent. "Depressed, psychotic, just the usual Ray". He smiles and unlocks the cell door and enters slowly striding in and coming to sit on the side of my bed.
I remember when I first came here, he was the only person in this goddamn place that was nice to me and treated me like a human. We'd bonded quickly, he was the closest person I had to a friend, probably the only one I will ever have. "Is it really that late?" I ask, knowing that syringe in his hand he was trying to cover subtly was a sleeping serum. "It's 10:30 pm, curfew time" he was staring at me, like he was trying to figure out a secret I held. I didn't really have a secret, as far as anyone knew I was owned by this Asylum, they knew everything.
"I heard there was...incident" he prodded, the thing that surprised me was when he mentioned my "incidents" he didn't seem scared or disgusted like most people instead he seemed remorseful. "Just the usual, attack by her...I nearly gouged a mans eye out" I say trying to hide my face with my stringy black hair. I was ashamed by what I was, ashamed by what I had nearly done. "It wasn't you" Ray said noticing my unease "It was her". I didn't want to talk about this, it was uncomfortable "Lets get this over with" I lied down and exposed my neck. He rose and placed his cool hands under my vein and I felt the cool metal of the needle pierce my skin.
After that all was dark, the serum had done it's work.
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I woke up with a headache, my sleep had been uneventful with no dreams, just the way they always are. The headache only lasts for 10 minutes. I sit up and see 5 guards positioned outside my cell. Weird. They wouldn't position this many guards at this time, they know she won't attack for a week. Something's wrong. "Inmate 77B your presence is mandatory at Dr Torris' office" a guard says with a neutral expression. A gold pin was attached to his uniform, meaning he was an exceptional guard, one of the best.
I noted that all 5 guards had the same golden pins. Why would they send these guards? The guard that spoke unlocked my cell door and walked in with another guard and seized me by my elbows. Their grip was hard and their hands ruff, there would be another bruise to add to the list. I didn't struggle or put up a fight, maybe Dr Torris wanted another session with me to make sure that she was sedated successfully. They marched me into his office with 1 guard in front of me and 3 behind. Did they think I was going to run?
Dr Torris was wearing a white suit, it was too bright, it hurt my eyes. "Just sit her down and then you can leave" he instructed. They sat me in a chair and filed out leaving me with Dr Torris. "Lets, get this on with you're already late for a session" he said. What was he referring to? "We're planning a new rehabilitation program for inmates here, it requires inmates to communicate with each other". I froze. I couldn't believe my ears. I was going to actually talk to people? Other than Ray and Dr Torris?
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Hey guys, please forgive me for updating this late it's been so many months and school and life have just been hectic. I hope you like this chapter :) I swear Calum will make an appearance in the next chapter.
