The Monster (My Best Friend Eminem, My Husband Marshall Mathers)

Chapter twenty

Chapter Twenty

Marshall’s P.O.V

            It was like being in another world; my entire family sat before me, laughing, talking, arguing and ate together. Not one person had a tear in their eye or a worry in the world. It felt like a glass or plastic bubble has been put around me and every time I tried to break free it would grow tighter around me. It tortured me to see everyone happy; I wanted them to notice my struggling. I wanted them to notice, but it is my burden I can’t do this to everybody.

            I thought I kicked this feeling, the urge to use and it came back once I saw the turkey. The saying ‘quieting cold turkey’ pop into my mind and the thought of using and how easy it was to get on it and how hard it was to quiet it, just like quieting cold turkey. It was a dark place I was in right now. And every day it grows stronger and darker.

            “Come outside with me, Marshall” my father said. Without saying much I went out in the backyard with him. The cold air hit me like a thousand knives. It sent chills all the way down my spine.  I crossed my arms over hoping the goosebumps will fade.

“Have you been alright?”

            What does he mean ‘have I been alright’ the question came out as if he knew; straight forward and now I have to convince my father I’m not on drugs.

“What you mean, Pop?” I said, like a child.

“No, you’ve been quite lately” “Oh, yeah, I’ve been fine” I said, quietly. I felt myself losing control again. The burning came back stronger. I wanted to run and hide.

            “It’s good Laney came home” he said, sipping beer. I shoved my cold hands into my pocket as I peered back at Laney who was chasing Ronnie around.

I chuckled, “Yeah”. My father patted me on the back, “Marshall…you can tell me son it’s ok…” I was a dead man, my father knew but I didn’t use I will swear on it.

“Tell you what” I mumbled. A lump formed in my throat and my breathing suddenly stopped. Was I in trouble? Is this what it feels like when my old man confronts me?

            “Marshall, tell me the truth…are you using?” my father asked. The moment came where I can talk to somebody about it. A single tear streamed down my face.

“Mom, dad Jake is here” Hailie shouted. Without knowing, or maybe because I was so cold, I rushed inside. The moment where I could tell my dad went out the window.

            I greeted Jake with a firm handshake, I’m not too fond of the kid, even if he was dressed nicely and he was nice around Natalia and I there was something I didn’t like about him.

“Marshall why don’t you take Jake into the living room to watch the Cowboys” Natalia suggested to make Hailie happy. I smiled slightly as I took him into the living room.

            Once I sat down with him, the feeling became stronger and harder. My father tossed me a beer and patted me on the back.

“We will discuss it later” he mumbled. The beer took some of the edge off and I was able to relax to a certain extent.

            I didn’t say much to the kid, nor did I want too.

“Umm…” Jake cleared his throat.  “Mr. Mathers….” He said. Great now I’m gonna have to talk to him. His voice irritated me and caused me to feel uneasy.

            “I…I just want to say that growing up…I really enjoyed your music” he said. I could’ve ended it with ‘oh good, thanks’ but it’ll go back to Hailie and I’ll be in deep shit with her and Talia. They’ll think I’m not trying to get along with the kid.

“Oh really, what was your favorite songs?” I asked, trying to sound interested.

            “Oh, 3AM, 97’ Bonnie and Clyde, Beautiful, Lose Yourself of course, Amityville…Hailie…” he smiled when he mentioned ‘Hailie’. He continued to name the songs he liked. Most was from my early work and he took the time to mention why he liked it.

            “Kim…” he mentioned. My heart suddenly dropped and I felt the color wash from my face.

“Kim” I questioned.

“Yeah, oh man if only you made a video of that song…it’ll be awesome!” he exclaimed. “And Amityville…oh my God…my entire room is covered with that house”.

            The beer can crush in my hands when he kept talking about the song ‘Kim’. This boy idolizes a song I made out of anger about my ex-wife. Not that I forgive Kim or am I defending her, but to ramble on about a song like ‘Kim’ instead of ‘Lose Yourself’ made me realize this kid doesn’t have all his shit together.

            What made me worry even more about this is the fact he is dating my daughter who is a splitting image of Kim most of the time. Why am I allowing this kid in my home? I’m Hailie’s father I have a saying in this too! The more he rambled about ‘Kim’, the angrier I became and harder the urges became on me.

            The beer was suddenly on the floor and on my lap pouring from the cracks of the can. I growled softly; taking the boy by the arm and throwing him out the house.

“Dad, why did you do that?” Hailie shouted. Her face was beat red and her fist into balls. I suddenly came into reality and realized I violently threw a minor out of my home.

            I stood in front of Hailie, confused, embarrassed and terrible at what I did to Hailie. But at the same time, the boy rambled on for fifteen minutes about every horrific song I made and what he liked about it. Not to mention he said a lot of cruel things about the mother of his girlfriend. I feel deep down; I did the right thing even though now, Hailie hates me.

            Tears swelled into her eyes as she rushed out of the house to convince Jake to come back inside. I stood watched feeling the rush of the cold air coming in and the two teens arguing in the darkness.

“The hell, is the matter with you? Have you lost your mind?” Natalia exclaimed quietly, rushing in from the kitchen. It was the first time she has looked angry towards me. I couldn’t argue with her, once I gain enough strength and common ground at what just happened I will explain then why I did what I did.

            “Later, Natalia” I said.

“Later! You just ended your daughter’s first relationship!” she shouted.

“Natalia, I will discuss this with you later!” I growled. My harsh voice and short tempered made her take a step back in fear.

“Natalia, please…” I begged for her forgiveness.

“Who are you?” she whispered, walking away with tears in her eyes. Oh My God, what am I becoming?

            Jake walked away after saying, “You and I are through!” leaving Hailie in the dark, cold. With her arms crossed to shield herself from the cold; she walked inside giving me the coldest angriest face she has ever given. Stomping up the stairs to her room and slamming the door, and no doubt crying on her bed right now. What am I becoming? Oh God Marshall what are you becoming?