The Monster (My Best Friend Eminem, My Husband Marshall Mathers)

Chapter thirty-three

Chapter thirty-three

Marshall's P.O.V continued...

The days seem so slow now. I didn't feel like myself and I didn't understand why. Natalia grew distant from me; I was now beginning to feel like I was losing my wife and my daughter. And I began to think maybe waiting for the New Year wasn't such a good idea. I had deep dark thoughts of ending my life, which scared me to no end. It left me unable to concentrate on anything and my music began to show my struggling. Everything I was writing was about the urges, and my lyrics soon became my personal journal.

The Christmas gifts were sent home, separately and when we returned they were there waiting for the kids. Ronnie got a new chess board with his two initials on it and couldn't wait to play with me.

"Come on daddy, please" Ronnie begged. I sat like a lump, holding my forehead up with my hand, deep down I wanted to take the board and chuck it across the room, but I knew it might upset Ronnie and scare Natalia even more then she already is.

Natalia watched from the kitchen as I refused to play with my son, I wanted to, but I just couldn't bring myself to do so. She leaned on the doorway of the kitchen wall, with her arms crossed, as Ronnie continued to beg me.

"Ronnie, is daddy says no, it's no" she said softly. Ronnie with a sad face, walked upstairs to his room with the board game in hand. It broke my heart, as tears streamed down my face. Natalia kneeled down next to me, holding my knees together, giving me an obvious worried look. She could see right through me, for sure now. I could talk to her about it now, it's a perfect moment.

"Why don't we go out for New Year's tonight, I'll ask your mom to watch the kids?" I smiled at her; it's what we probably need.

"I think that sounds great" I mumbled. She smiled at me, placing a kiss on my frozen and numb lips. She went to the kitchen to call my mom. The thought was great, it'll be like our first new year as a marry couple again.

Ronnie was only a couple months old at the time, and we were a couple months into our marriage. Everything felt new and exciting to me again. I was happy to come home every day from the studio and to feel her lips against mine. I have arranged a special New Year's Eve for us, where the lakes are, they always have a special get together, kind of like Michigan's version of New Year's Eve in Rockefellers Center. It was just Natalia and I.

They used a New Year's Eve ball look-a-like to count down to the New Year. I remember the look on her face, there was excitement in her eyes, happiness and hope. And they all were mixed in her eyes to make a glowing sparkle that I have never seen before. I remember seeing her heart beat out of her chest when we came to ten seconds. I didn't need to see the ball for I saw it in her eyes. Happy New Year she shouted! Throwing her arms over me and giving me the most exciting kiss I have ever felt.

I could've danced with her all night long, in that cabin; full of crowd people blowing the noise makers and seeing the sparkling decorations compliment her dark blue dress. Later that night, feeling the effects of the alcoholic drinks, we sat out under the stars in a patch of corn fields. We held each other in ours coats to keep one another warm, as we talked about nothing but promising each other we'll be there for each other no matter what the case maybe.

As she began to fall asleep in my arms; feeling the sober me come out, I lifted her up in my arms and carried her back to the car. Making a bed in the car, for her and me, she mumbled something in what I believe to be,

"I love you, Marshall." She did not say it as if she was drunk, but as if she was soberly dreaming.

I smiled to myself, feeling unusual, I felt my mind clear of any heart ache and urges.

"Ok, sounds great, love you too Deb! Ok bye!" Natalia hung up the phone; she came back into the living room,

"Be ready at eight-thirty" she said. I smiled at her, getting up, approaching her with ease. I placed my hands on both of her cheeks, and gave her a soft kiss on the lips. She laid her head against my chin, feeling the same rush as I was feeling.

"I love you" I whispered.

She smiled softly, "I love you too." The words made me quiver as if it was the first time I was saying it to her. As if I've been dying to say it.

--

We didn't know where we were going, or what we were doing, I just knew I wanted to be with her. It was probably something I needed. The urges were at ease for the night, and hope that maybe I have overcome my urges for good. I dressed in somewhat dressy clothes, a black shirt with a silver-white tie and kakis. She wore a black dress, with red shoes. She made my eyes pop from my sockets and my heart seemed to beat faster.

She smiled sweetly at me, her hair up in a ponytail and in curls. Her lips red as a rose and her nails to compliment them.

"You look so beautiful" I whispered. She smiled at me, kissing me. The car ride to the restraunt was strangely awkward, even though there wasn't anything to be awkward about. We didn't speak much expect where to turn.

I cleared my throat, "How is Hailie?" asking if she doesn't live with me anymore.

"She's fine." "I miss her...I feel like she doesn't even live with us anymore" I said.

"I think she misses you too...you should talk to her."

"She doesn't love me anymore..." I mumbled.

"Don't say that..."

We went to a local grill and bar and I felt like me again. The urges subside completely and I was able to enjoy my New Year's Eve with my wife. We talk as if we were dating and I flirted with her like a boy wanting her to show me her love.

"I think you are very cute" I said.

"Oh, I think you are too" she flirted back.

"Are you here alone?" I whispered in her ear.

"Hmm, yes" she said.

My insides turned into knots as if I was not flirting with my wife, but a young girl who I could call after our night together.

"You wanna come back to my place?"

"Depends..."

"Depends...." I raised my eye brows. "On what?"

"If you'll call me in the morning..." she said softly.

"Ah, you see, I got other girls too I need to call, so what I do is I set up times we can chat" I showed off. She chuckled, knowing I have beaten her in this war of flirting.

"But for you...I will clear everything to talk to all day" I said softly.

She gasped out of surprise, her cheeks slight red, her breathing suddenly noticeable. I came close to her face, ready to give her a kiss. Her face meet with mine and our lips locked together as if it was the first time. I diged into her lips even more, once I tasted them. At first I did not know how the night was going to go, now I know how it will end and it was exciting all the way through.

The New Year ranged in, the bar screamed and shouted kissing and hugging in celebration. I kissed the beautiful women in the black dress, her lips thrilled me deeply. The room went dark and a number of colored lights filled the place along with music that was no match to your heart beat. Like in a music video, she showed me what she could do on the dance floor. I began to sweat as I felt her body move in different ways. She led me to the back of the club and placed me against the wall.

I have never felt as young with Natalia as I do now. Her lips caressed mine, passionately; my arms against the wall, feeling the tension build up. Knowing what I like, she bit my neck, making me growl intensively. It was enough too ripe her clothes off. Un-zipping the part of dress as we made our way to a secluded from the rest of the club.