The Defenestrator: The Play

The Defenestrator

(Monsieur Voluer knocks at the front door of the mansion. An older gentleman with thinning white hair (the butler) opens it. He is wearing a formal black suit with tails and white gloves.)

BUTLER: (crosses from stage left and exits stage right- speaks from offstage) Yes, you must be Monsieur Voluer.

NATHAN: (offstage) Oh, um... Uh, yes. That would be me.

BUTLER: Right this way, Sir. (Enters the lounge with NATHAN following.)

(The room has a fireplace, and a few short wooden tables. There are two sofas facing each other with their backs facing long bookcases. There is a pile of masks and other costume pieces sitting on a desk on the other side of the room.)

NATHAN: Is it really necessary that I undertake an alias? I don't think my identity is really at any risk, is it?

BUTLER: I am just the butler, Sir. I do not have the answers.

NATHAN: Yes, pardon me.

BUTLER: This way, Sir.

(The butler walks to the desk and picks up an oversized red velvet tricorn hat. It's piled high with fluffy white feathers, he also carries a venetian raven mask with an enormous white beak.)

BUTLER: For you, Sir. (Hands NATHAN the disguise.)

NATHAN: A mask too, hmm?

BUTLER: Yes, Sir.

(A toilet flush is heard from offstage. NATHAN dawns his disguise. A short woman wearing a short iridescent blue dress, a giant fluffy black boa, and a sugar skull mask that covers her face from the nose and up, stands in the doorway.)

LILLIAN: (looking NATHAN up and down) I suppose you're the one I can thank for dragging me out here?

NATHAN: No, no that's not me. I was under the impression that that was you.

LILLIAN: (apologetically) Afraid not.

NATHAN: Well da-

BUTLER: Am I intruding? Aah, I see you've met Miss Zabojca. The other guests should arrive shortly.

LILLIAN: (impatiently) Other guests?

BUTLER: Yes, they'll be here shortly.

LILLIAN: Ugh, great.

(NATHAN turns to talk to LILLIAN and his giant beak smacks the butler in the back of his head.)

NATHAN: Oh! Oh, I'm so sorry! I- oh this stupid mask!

LILLIAN: (sarcastically) Lucky me, I got the skeleton mask.

(There is a knock at the door. LILLIAN and NATHAN turn abruptly, NATHAN'S beak barely missing LILLIAN'S face. The butler walks back into the room from the kitchen.)

BUTLER: Please come this way. (he directs them into a lounge and shuts the door.)

NATHAN: (after a moment of uncomfortable silence) So, you from around here?

LILLIAN: No, actually I'm from- (she's interrupted when the door opens and the butler comes in.)

(The BUTLER ushers another person into the room. The tall man is wearing a half pig mask. It covers his face from under the nose up, it also has floppy pink ears sprouting at the top of his forehead. A dampened grey fedora sits on top of his short black hair.)

BUTLER: This is the party as of right now.

PAUL: Uh, hello... I am, uh...

BUTLER: Sir Piànzi, Sir.