Afraid - H.S - Under Heavy Editing

Ch.11

Ch.  11

Alyssa's POV

Harry wasn't standing in the doorway when I finally finished vomiting. I stood up and walked into the kitchen, where he was waiting with his arms crossed over his chest, leaning on the counter.

I walked past him slowly, taking the plate of pancakes and scraping the remains into the garbage. I felt guilt building in my chest. I knew how it felt to go days without food, and wasting it had never gone over well with me.

He watched me as I cleaned the mess he made. I glanced back a few times to double check, but his eyes never left me. I almost dropped a few things under his gaze. Harry would snicker and continue staring.

When I finished cleaning, I grabbed the bag with my things and began walking up the stairs. "Alyssa," Harry called when I got about halfway up.

"Yes?" I turned. He looked me in the eye and signaled me to follow him by nudging his head in the direction of the stair case.

He walked up the stairs with a set of keys, right past me and up to the first door on the left. He unlocked it and pushed it open, revealing a large, elegant bathroom. "I, uh," he cleared his throat awkwardly, "thought you might need this."

"Thank you," I said sincerely. But honestly I couldn't keep using his bathroom, I needed my own.

He nodded and walked off.

When I opened the cabinet beneath the sink to put away my products, I found soap, shampoo and conditioner, razors, toilet paper, and toothpaste. I found a toothbrush resting on the counter but I had my own in my room. I wondered why Harry would buy all this is if he lived alone.

And then, I wondered why he would buy me. I am a human being and yet I was worth an x amount of money to someone else? I just let that thought set in. I am not a guest to him I am property... He bought me. Harry took my freedom away. Harry owns me, and if he tells me to do something, I have to do it. Or else... I get "punished".

What does that even mean? Is he going to spank me? Beat me? 'Ground me'?

What if he sells me to someone else? What if he rapes me? Maybe he's being nice to gain my trust. Well I've learned that you can't trust anyone, not even the ones you love the most.

The events of this week were like a three hundred pound weight on my shoulders. Time had passed so slowly since I'd gotten here, I wasn't even sure if it had been a week. It felt like it had been months.

I sat on the bathroom floor for a few minutes before rushing up to my room and locking the door, pacing back and forth along the hard wood floors.

Maybe I was working myself up more than I needed to. But then again, maybe I was working myself up just enough, but either way, I could feel an anxiety attack coming on. I hadn't had one since I was fifteen.

People had been calling my mother names. I'd been used to that. What had set me off was when people said I would end up like her. They shouted it in the halls, on the streets, everywhere...

Suddenly the room seemed even smaller. The walls inched closer and closer with every ragged breath I took. My throat tightened. I could hear my heart beating in my ears. My chest tightened with every beat.

I started tugging at my clothes, I felt like the were restricting me. I ended up stretching out my shirt's neck line.

My breathing turned to wheezing. I held in a scream, but another followed and this time I let it out, pulling at the roots of my hair.

I sat and pulled my knees to my chest in the corner as I screamed bloody murder. I couldn't calm down. I couldn't get control of myself.

My breathing didn't calm. I cried and cried. I hated crying, which made it all worse.

I heard Harry try to open the door, but it was still locked. "Alyssa! open the door!" I ignored  him Then, there was more pounding and yelling until he finally just broke the door down.

He took a step towards me and I scooted further into the corner. This is his fault.

He was the cause of this. He made me so anxious. He made me angry. Harry made me panic. Harry bought me.

I screamed and cried harder.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" Harry yelled in frustration.

He took a few steps even closer. I was so dizzy that I was seeing two him as he came towards me. I wanted to get away, but I couldn't move. He bent down in front of me and pulled me into his lap, smoothing down my hair. I tried to get away from him as hard as I possibly could but it was no use he was so much stronger than I was. 

"Shh..." He hushed me. I tried to squirm away from his hold but he just held on. 

"Let me go you Lunatic! You're a monster!" I screamed at him. When he didn't I started to scratch at him, I didn't want to be anywhere near him. 

"You need to calm down." He said calmly. 

"I need you to let me go! Let me go home! I rather get beat every day than be stuck here with a bastard like you!" I bellowed with hatred laced through out every word. I wanted to hurt him.

Harry sighed and with one hand he held my nose and closed my mouth so I couldn't breathe, then released me a few seconds later. 

My breathing calmed and I stopped squirming. 

"How?" I asked, flustered by the state I'd just been in. "H-How did you-"

"Get it to stop?" Harry interrupted me. He stood up and I stayed on the floor. "I used to get really bad panic attacks. Holding your breath helps sometimes."

He's had panic attacks? He seems like he'd be so strong, he seems he doesn't care about anything enough to get him worked up.

Although he was the cause of my anxiety, I couldn't help but be thankful he stopped my attack.

"Thank you." I managed to lowly squeak, I meant it but not entirely. He nodded.

"Now," he sighed, "go clean up the living room. I'll be having some friends over for a while, and I'm going to trust you tonight..." He said. He started to head for the door, and I got up to follow him. He stopped in the door frame and continued.

"I'm going out, and if you're not here when I come back," Harry leaned over so his face was right in front of my own. "There will be consequences."

Harry looked at me once more to his full height and left. I waited until I heard his foot steps stop and I went down to the living room.

As I cleaned, I started forming an escape plan in my mind.

You'll never get away with it. His voice rang in my ears. But it was still fun to plan. Like a fire escape rout I guess is a way you can look at it. I mean I had money upstairs. It wasn't much, but it would have to be enough.

Maybe you can do it... You'll be alone.

I thought.

Maybe tonight I was getting away.