Touch (Phan OS)

Touch Phil

It all started after we got married. The day of our wedding was the best day in my life. We were so happy that day. For the first time Dan smiled not only for me but everyone. When we were dancing our favourite song played. We hold each other tight in our arms. I softly kissed his lips and he mine. It was a beautiful day. The week after we got married we flew over to Japan for our honeymoon. It was cherry blossom time and Dan and I had the best time of our lives. We knew the fans would find out one day, but we wanted to keep it a secret. But keeping a secret is hard when you invite popular YouTubers.

Our life was perfect, until it started kicking in. Without any signs it came into our lives and ruined it forever. It all started after we returned to London. Dan wasn't feeling well but at first we didn't pay attention. He had headache, threw up several times a day and his skin turned pale. When we went to the doctor it was too late already. Six months, this is what they told us. As fast as thr sun brightend up our day as fast the dark grey clouds came and darkened our lives. He tried to hide the pain, but I knew him too well. I tried to help him as good as I could, but there were days where even I couldn't help. We tried to do as many things as possible, things Dan always wanted to do in his life.

But then he started forgetting things. And soon he started forgetting who he was. And then he forgot me. It pained me to death, but I had to be there for him. When it started Dan forgot simple things like his passwords or where he put stuff, but he did this before, so we didn't care much. The doctor actually mention that this could happen, but we didn't connect this with it. But one day he started acting weird. "Phil? Why do I have saved video files on my computer?", he asked me when he was sitting on the couch with his laptop on his lap. He stopped sitting in his usual browsing position a while ago. " Because you're a YouTuber, love", I chuckled silently. He stared at his screen confused. "Really? Like doing videos and having fans and stuff?", he was confused and it scared me. I sat down next to him and touched his arm softly. "Can't you really remember this?", I asked worried and he shook his head. This was the moment I realized it was taking more control over him. " May I?", I asked and took his laptop. I went on YouTube and showed him his videos, starting with Hello Internet. "Hello, my name is👉 [Dan]👈", young Dan said . " Oh my god, please tell me this isn't actually how I introduced myself? This is so cringy", he laughed. We watchrd PINOF, our tour videos, our show. All of what he had forgotten. All the memories of us were gone.

From this day on he kept forgetting more things about us. I showed him his videos daily but the next day he couldn't remember anything. Beside forgetting things about himself he started forgetting how to do things. I had to teach him simple things again. Soon the deadline would come. He was mess. We hadn't told the fans yet. Few months ago when he still was alright we made a video together announcing we would go on hiatus to work on a project. No one knew that this would be the last time was in front of a camera. We stopped doing Younow so we could focus on our lives better. Most of the time Dan just sat in his room, staring at the wall or doing nothing. He somehow knew that he hadn't much time left.

And then the last day with him arrived. The day he forgot who I was. When the day started I thought "hey, today might be a good day", but this thought got shattered five seconds later when I heard Dan whine and cough badly from his room. I rushed over and opened the door, looking at him. " Dan, you're alright?", I asked worried. "Who are you? What are you doing in my flat?", he asked confused. "I am Phillip Michael Howell, your husband", I said. My heart was shattering in million little pieces, into dust. And this dust flew away, leaving a hurt vessle behind. " I don't know you sir and I feel really uncomfortable having a stranger in my room", he coughed again. "Dan, it's me, please let me help you", I slowly walked up to his bed. " How do you know my name?", he asked shocked. "I know that you are Daniel James Howell, you're born on June 11, 1991 in Berkshire, England. You have a younger brother who you are really protective of. You attended the University of Manchester tonstudy law but dropped out to do YouTube. We know each other for years and moved in together years ago and six months ago we married", I put up my hands to show the wedding ring. He had the same ring on his hand. " You proposed to me after we finished our TATINOF europe tour and we went on honeymoon in Japan. But then you became sick and now you keep on forgetting things and and now you forgot me", tears ran down my face. Dan looked at me. "I am sorry Sir. Your story actually sounds so nice and it feels like you're telling the truth, but unfortunately I can't remember anything", he coughed and then threw up again. But this time it was blood. " Oh no", I said. I grabbed his phone and fast called an ambulance. Then I sat down next to Dan and tried to comfort him. He was shaking, coughing. "I started secretly eating your cereals and you hated it. You always had to buy new ones because I couldn't stop eating", I laughed.

When the Ambulance arrived Dan was barely breathing, which is why they had to out an oxygen mask on his face. Due to the fact that we're married I was allowed to take the ambulance ride with him. But I knew Dan wouldn't see the moon going down today. The ambulance brought Dan into hospital where he immediately was brought into ICU. I knew there was no chance to save him, but somewhere inside me was still this wish of keeping him alive. Two hours later a doctor came up to me and told me that Dan won't make it until tomorrow and that I should contact his loved ones. Immediately I called his family which rushed here so they could say goodbye. Dan wasn't awake the whole time, but he was awake when his parents were there. Gladly he recognized them and talked to them, always asking why the stranger(me) was still in the room. His mother was sobbing the whole time and Dan didn't understand at all why. Adrian tried to resist crying. But he couldn't. Before they left Adrian hugged Dan for the last time and said " It was an honour to call you brother. I will never forget you, your kindness, all you done for me. Please never forget that you leave behind people who need you" and with a last kiss on his cheek Adrian left us alone.

The time had come. It was my turn to say goodbye. But I didn't want to. I din't want to loose my best friend, my firstmtruenlove, my soulmate, my husband, my Dan. I knew it has to end. The era Daniel James Howell and Phillip Michael Howell, former Lester, would end today. Today I had to give up on the only person I would give my life for. Today I had to leave my only reason to stay alive. Today was the last time our lips would touch.
I sat down on the chair next to the bed and looked at Dan. They had removed the oxygen mask earlier and put a thing into his nose. His eyes were closed. He was probably sleeping. "Dan... I..I don't actually know how to start this...", tears started running down my face. " In the last few years you were the best friend I've ever had. You were what I needed", I sobbed. "Without you I don't know... You gave my life purpose. When I first met you I knew you are the human being I wanted to stay the rest of my life with. But little did I know it was only me spending the rest of your life with, while I have to walk this road alone. The last months were hard, but we had fun, right?", I looked at him, hoping he would open his eyes again. "When we were in all those parks, that was fun. I wish this wouldn't end today", I wiped my tears again. " I wish I could do this all again. Because then I would have married you way longer. When we married each other we promised to stay at each others side, that only death may do us part. And now it does. I don't want you to go. I need you", I was crying now. "I am so sorry Dan. I wish I could....", I said sobbing. Slowly I stood up, leant over him and kissed him once more softly. Then I rurned off the machines.

One week later was his funeral. I've planned the funeral few months ago when the doctor told me that there was no cure for him. His family and I decided to have a grave underneath a cherry tree. It was still blooming and petals were falling on the grave. The hearse was from a dark wood. Adrian, PJ, Tyler and I carried the hearse. All of our friends had come. I watched how he was lowered down into the earth. It was the end. With him all of my feels got burried. I put down black roses on his grave. I knew he would love them.
After the funeral we went home into our-my flat. There we just stood in the living room and stared at each other. Felix was still comforting Marzia whonwas pregnant since 5 months. They decided to name it whether Dan or Danielle, as a tribute to Dan. Adrian walked over to me. He hugged me. " Thank you for making his life better. Thank you for keeping my brother alive, for being his reason not to jump. No one ever did this for him", he sobbed onto my shoulder. When he let go I felt something weird at my arm. I felt this before. A touch.

Two months after his death I had moved into a new flat. I couldn't live there anymore. I still had all of his stuff because I couldn't let go. Every day I watched his videos, hearing his voicre comforted me. But the pain inside of me grew and grew. Time passed and I turned into a mess.
And one day I decided that enough is enough. I took out my bestbtuxedo, a white plain shirt and put it on. I recorded a video explaining everything and set everything up. My plan was good. I would upload the video and let it publish automatically, sending it to all my friends and posting it online. Then I took a rope.
I stood on the chair, taking my last breathes. "I am sorry", I said sadly. "I am sorry for letting you go. I am so so sorry Dan", I put the rope around my neck. " I shouldn't have let you go down. I should have fought for you Dan. I am so sorry". Crack

I looked around. It was foggy around me. "PHIIIL, NOOO", I heard Dan say. Wait, Dan?! I looked around and saw him. " Dan, is this you?", I asked confused. Dan slowly turned around and looked at me. "Is this really you?", he asked and I nodded. And then we kissed again, after all this time. " What happened to your neck?", he asked worried, running his fingers over the marks the rope had left on me. "It doesn't matter. All that matters is that you and I are together-forver", I took his hand and together we left, leaving our graves underneath the cherry tree behind with black roses all over them.