Sometimes I just get so stressed out, mad, or angry. But I can't do anything about it, whether i'm at work or talking to my sister.. I get the urge to cry when someone makes me upset.. because I'm angry and need to take it out on someone.
I go for...
Me and Harry are sharing a hotel room which, I'm not mad at, I love Harry and being able to cuddle with him and eat together while talking mindlessly.
Harry and I are unpacking right now, even though we're only going to be here for a couple days, I feel the need to get all organized. We aren't talking, it's not very unusual, we're just listening to some Christmas music while we dance and unpack. It's funny, Harry singing loudly, I just smile and laugh when Harry's off key.
"Lou" Harry speaks when Rudolf the Red Nose Reindeer ends. I look over, He's holding up a medium sized teddy bear that resembles a rainbow.
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"Got this for you? Thought you would like it, should we name it.. perhaps Larry?" Harry smiles at me.
Me cheeks heat up as he talks to me, sort of like a child, I don't even know why I like Teddy Bears. I love teddy bears, so soft and fuzzy, I love just holding one, even if it's embarrassing, I like the feeling of teddy bears.
"I love it!" I told Harry earnestly, walking over to where Harry sat on the bed. I hug around Harry's waist, taking a seat in his lap. I grab the stuffy, or Larry, and pulling it close to my chest, my cheeks i'm sure are flushed, but I love it. This gift.
"Thank you Hazza." I pull Harry into another hug, "Love you bug," Harry says, "Love you Haz."
Harry pulls me in for a loving kiss, our lips and tongues were moving, hands were clasped onto each others hips.
It felt so good to have this moment with Harry I haven't had in a while. The feeling of loss thrown out the window, I'm glad I have Harry. Without him, I'm sure I won't make it through a year of a break.
"Hazzy..." I moan, but pull away. I'm hugging the bear close, needing it for comfort at this moment. "You alright Lou?" I don't know what comes over me, but I cry. I cry because I don't know what I need, I don't know how I'm going to make it through the break without Harry, and I want Harry to save me, to love me.
"Baby," Harry pats my back as I cry into his shoulder, "Everything 'll be alright, yah, we're going to make it through this love. Maybe we should... talk to management, yah. After the tour we come out, we can live together, have some fun, just give no fucks for the break yeah? I think that sounds great, doesn't it love?"
I shake my head furiously, I can't tell anybody, no. There is to many people out there to hurt me, but then again, so many people want Larry and... I just want happiness,
"What's wrong love?" Harry slides his hand up and down my back, comforting me. "I-I.. Someone will make fun of us and- they'll hurt us, I just wish everyone was ok with gay people... they aren't any better than us." My sad eyes travel their way up to Harry's curious ones. "That's right hun, the Haters aren't going to back off okay, we just need to show them that we're strong and made it through 5 years of modest management, and in the end, we are going to love who we love okay? I came out to my school before One Direction, remember? I'm Bisexual and no one really cared, and the one who made fun of me aren't important. The people who matter are the people you love, the people who care for you. And if the fans don't respect us, they were never fans and they never actually cared for our well being."
I nod as he talks. I understand what he's saying, but still. Am I okay with it?
•
I wake up to Harry rubbing my back, we're laying down, both of our faces facing each other's. I noticed two things as soon as I wake up, my teddy is still clutched tight to my chest and my thumb is placed in my mouth.
Harry is staring at me with intrigued eyes, I pull my thumb slowly out of my mouth and rub the excess saliva onto my shirt.
"Hi babe." Harry says with his scraggly morning voice. "Hi" I say shyly, tucking my face in his chest. "What are we doing today?" I say trying not to let the awkwardness move into my sentence.
"Well hun, I'm sure we can eat breakfast, take a nice hot bath together, do something before lunch. After I think we're going to a couple interviews and then a meeting after. Tomorrow is another concert."
I nod as Harry talks, something about the way he's been talking to me lately has got chills going up and down my body.
Every time he mutters 'baby, hun' and 'babe' tingles run through my body. It's not weird, just... interesting.
I've thought about it a lot, what I want to do. It's weird to think about, that I want to be babied, that I want a teddy and for Harry to feed me and bath me.
Many times I've thought about calling him daddy... or mummy.
"Can we go eat... uh I want waffles" I say slowly looking at him. He nods his head muttering 'me too'
Once we're all dressed, we walk down to grab breakfast, it's only 7 in the morning so there's not a lot of people. A few people stared at us but no one asked for autographs since they were all older, maybe mums and dads.
I go over to the waffle machine, Harry with me and we make our waffles. I grab a few other thinks, some muffins and fruit. Harry grabs a lot of fruit, and only puts butter on his waffles while I grab peanut butter, it's yummy.
We get some juice, and make our way back upstairs since we want to eat in private. Once we made it to our room, we sat down and began to eat.
