The Notebook

Chapter 11

In case you guys are confused, the timeline of Lily and Ethan were different. Lily's POV has a later date than Ethan's. That was in order to show the differences of their thoughts and also to give the audience a new perspective instead of the boring old shifting of POVs.

"Lily."

     I shifted my eyes from Ethan's journal to look at Ruby. She stared at me with the same apprehension that has become quite familiar to me.

     "Yes, what is it?" I asked. She bit her lip and looked down, as if the floor was the most interesting thing in the world.

     "It has been 3 days ever since you went back to school. When are you planning to go back?" I could tell from her shy gaze that she was not used to caring for someone after such a long time and when her cheeks reddened even more from my silence, I cannot help but smile sheepishly. I stood up from my seat and walked towards her. She regarded me at first with slight aversion, a trait that I was already used of as well. When I hugged her, that was the time she relaxed a little bit.

   "Are you worried about me?" I asked with a teasing tone.

   She didn't answered me but instead looked away.

   "When are you planning to go back to school?" She asked again and I could tell that she only did that to ignore my question.

    I decided to humor her. I looked at Ethan's journal with a sigh.

   "To be honest, I don't really know." I admitted.

   "Are you afraid of showing yourself to him?" She did not need to tell his name. Her eyes were black onyx instead of chocolate. A tingling sensation went through my body.

   She's jealous. I could tell, I knew from the way she was fidgeting slightly. She was trying to seem apathetic but her eyes betrayed everything. I could not help it. I kissed her. My arms slowly wrapped tighter around her.

   There it was again, she froze as my lips molded perfectly with hers. A slight smile made my lips tilt up when she finally responded albeit not as passionately.

   I was starting to feel dizzy with her smell and taste. I could tell she just recently smoked. She smelled slightly of vanilla and smoke and her favorite perfume which has a refreshing citrus smell invaded my senses.

   She pulled back away from me and shied away when I tried going for another kiss. Her arms wrapped around her.

   "You're avoiding my question." She said with a slightly annoyed tone in her voice.

   I wanted to argue that she just did the same thing a couple of minutes ago but decided against it. Instead, I decided to lie.

   "I'm just shy." I excused.

  She does not have to tell me that she does not believe me. Her expression already showed how annoyed she looked. I'm not really complaining, she looked cute like that, just like a puppy that was refused with treats.

    The reason why I do not wanted to meet Ethan was the fact that after reading his journal I felt this sense of need. I need to know him, I cannot believe I'm saying this but I want him.

     Him, with his glorious mind, his emerald eyes and his dark chaotic hair.

     I want him so much it frightened me.

  "That's enough."

    I directed my eyes towards Ruby.

   "Stop being such a coward." She said. "Whether you want it or not, tomorrow you'll go back to school."

   "Ruby, stop trying to control my life." I told her. She sighed and pursed her lips.

   "I'm saying this for your own good. What's stopping you? If you like Ethan then go ahead and pursue him." She said.

   I froze.

   "You're fine with that?" I asked, my voice barely a whisper.

    Why do I feel this way? In the course of few days, I felt like I could just connect with her. It was weird even for me. We told each other that we were only using each other. Do I really think that? Am I using her or am I starting to feel something I shouldn't have?

   What's up with this place anyway? It has only been a few days but I already claim to like someone just because of seeing his journal and now this? As far as I know I has always been straight so why the hell does it hurts so much hearing those words from her?

   Why does it feels like everything was happening so fast? I had been staying here for less than a week and yet here I am having all these complications happening to me.

   A hand was suddenly rubbing my cheek and I was shocked to see chocolate brown eyes looking at me with such sadness.

  "Don't cry please." she said. I blinked. I'm crying? Before I knew it, I felt another tear falling from my eyes down to my cheek. This time, she capture the tear with her lips. I looked at her profile, her eyelashes were crazy long.

  Do I really like the two of them or am I just attracted to them? Is this even love? Can love bloom in a matter of few days? Can I even love two people at the same time?

  "You're fine with me going for Ethan?" I asked again, more clearly this time. My hand went to grip my chest. If she ever said yes I would feel so hurt. I closed my eyes in order to brace the pain that I knew would come. She was just using me, of course she wouldn't care but still..

   A soft sensation made its way towards my lips. I opened my eyes and stared at her. There it was again, the same pained expression that I really hate seeing, it broke my heart seeing her like that.

  "Do you think I have a choice?" she asked.

   "Ruby?"

    Her arms wrapped around me. My eyes widened, for the last couple of days I had been so used to initiating everything. Her arms were thin but why do I feel safe?

    "You do not belong to me. So even if I'm not fine with it I'm just going to suck it up." She said.

   Tears slowly made its way from my eyes once again. I hope things weren't so complicated. If I never knew Ethan, if I never wanted him so badly then I would be with Ruby. Everyday would be like this, I can kiss her, hug her, and I can be with her.

   However things aren't that easy. I can't just drown out my feelings for Ethan and she knew that. Aside from that, I knew that I have someone that was in rivalry with her heart. I do not know who but I could tell from the way she was sometimes looking away whenever we were together. Our hearts do not belong solely for each other.  

   But I like her, so much it hurts. I like her so much. I like her. I like her. I like her.

   I don't want to lose her.

   My hands went to remove her jacket.

   "Lily. Not today please." She said but I ignored her. My hand went to caress her breast.

   "Please, Ruby just for today. I want to forget." I whispered in her ear.  She let me do what I want which I was grateful for. I never felt violated with her. She was soft and smooth and frail. My kisses trailed down from her long, graceful neck down to her protruding collar bone.

   I guided her to my room, and lay her down in the bed. Her hand went to stroke my cheek as her other hand slowly made its way towards my hips.