one shots ft. destiel [pt. I] .

23 - suicidal

Trigger warning: suicidal attempt

Start video at; 0:22

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I felt the hits and the kicks of society,
Probably the reason why I suffer from anxiety.
I was never in the form of perfection.
So I became the best example of neglection

When Castiel was diagnosed with anxiety and depression, he hasn't been his happy self.

Before Castiel became depressed, he used to play all kinds of sports. You name it he played it. He was even friends with almost every one in school.

So he was basically a social butterfly

Then he started to drift away. He stopped doing sports, he stopped talking to people, but only talked to his closest friends such as Charlie, Kevin, Dean, Sam and Gabriel.

Depression is like... your happy one second, then your sad the next. Wanting to just cry until theres no more tears left.

At lunch Castiel would sometimes sit by himself under an awning against the school wall, where people never go to, he would sit and eat his lunch and he would even cry out his problems.

His friends tried to help him be happy again, but nothing worked, so he would just stayed in his little spot under the awning and just space out everything around him.

Bringing a book or his sketch pad so he had something to do after he ate.

His doctor had suggest for Castiel to take medication for his depression, 'Happy Pill' they called it, because it was supposed to make Castiel feel less depressed and more happy.

But that didn't work. Every time he would take it, he felt more depressed then he already was, he eventually stopped taking it even when he's supposed to.

They called me names from
*faggot to *gay trash.
To other shit I won't say, It's that bad..
They called me up
and always need back up.
Call me a *bitch, and say that my family was jacked up.

Sense Castiel was depressed people thought he wouldn't care if they would bullied him. 

Ever since he came out as gay, people would call him horrible names because they thought Castiel was so gullible now that they can just make him miserable.

Every hall he walked down, all he heard was 'faggot' echoing through them.

Every class he went to, he had paper balls thrown at him, spit balls and even notes passed to him saying,

'Kill your self ' or 'you didn't deserve to be everyone's friend, faggot'

Some people would even tell him that his family was disappointed in him because he's gay, and that they didn't deserve to have a faggot son living under their roof.

Castiel sometimes thought his friends, that he hangs out with him, didn't care about him, he thought that they were just a little bit nicer than most people at the school so they would just hang out with him so he won't be a lonely freak.

Death threats every time I logged in,
Always on some other shit, damn, here we go again.
I was already alone, now I'm looking for a friend.
Got no friends so here I am wishing it would end.
And it didn't, it never did, was always something.