white noise || malum

twelve.

Calum flopped onto his back onto his bed, a grin on his lips as well as the lingering taste of Michael's pretty pink lips.

They both might have been a little awkward afterwards, but he had kissed Michael and the blonde didn't even object. He kissed him back.

Calum's heart was beating so fast he thought it would burst.

Wait until Ashton heard about this.

Ashton.

Shit, where could Ashton have gone in his condition? He couldn't get himself into trouble, could he?

"Ashton?" Calum quickly sat up and called his best friend's name, although he wasn't sure if he could hear. Where could he have gone?

-

Michael felt his phone begin to vibrate from its spot on the couch cushion besides him. He paused the game he had been playing, and took off his headphones before answering his phone.

"Hello?"

"Michael," Calum's voice answered immediately, sounding shaky as if he was going to cry.

"Calum? Is everything okay?" Michael asked, concern in his voice.

"It's- it's Ashton. I don't know where he is, I can't find him, I looked everywhere I could think of but-"

Michael interrupted his friend's nervous babbling. "Calum, babe, calm down, alright? I'll be right over."

Neither of the two realized the nickname Michael had called Calum in the panic.

"I'm- I'm-" Calum stuttered, and Michael heard the younger boy sniffle a bit.

"Deep breaths, Cal."

"I'm at his grave." Calum said weakly, his voice a whisper.

"I'll be there as soon as I can."

-

Michael made his way through the cemetery where Ashton's grave was, using his phone's flashlight as his guide. Michael had visited it quite a couple times before, and it always filled his heart with sadness and grief. He never had a moment where he though, "he's in a better place now" because he wanted his friend back so badly.

He saw Calum crouched in front of Ashton's grave on his knees, his face in his hands. As he approached the smaller boy, Michael could hear Calum's quiet sobs.

Michael whispered the raven haired boy's name as he knelt down beside him, resting his hand on his back and rubbing slow circles against it gently. Calum finally lifted his head to face the blonde, his eyes puffy and red with tears.

"I lost him again." The maori boy whispered. "I couldn't find him anywhere. I went to every place I knew he liked, but he wasn't there."

Michael didn't know what to say. So instead of saying anything, he wrapped his arms around Calum and pulled him close to his chest. Calum gripped the fabric of Michael's shirt in his hands, burying his face in the crook of the paler boy's neck. "I'm sorry." Michael mumbled.

Me too, Calum wanted to say. He wanted to say sorry to Ashton. How could he have let him go again? Ashton had picked him back up, helped him reunite with Luke and Michael, and everything seemed to be okay. Not perfect, but okay. Even without Ashton not actually completely there.

A little light flicked on in Calum's head at that thought. Luke and Michael were okay without Ashton. He was okay without Ashton just earlier that evening. He had Michael.

Without Ashton lifting him back up, he never would have even been speaking to Michael. But what if it wasn't even Ashton? What if it was just Calum's promise to his friend?

What if it was a promise to himself?

He didn't do it just for Ashton. Sure, he did see things through Ashton's eyes, but he spoke to Luke and Michael again for himself.

It wasn't Ashton. It was Calum realizing he couldn't do this alone anymore. It was Calum realizing he couldn't stand living without friends like Luke and Michael.

It was Calum realizing he couldn't live without Michael.

Calum lifted his head to look up at Michael, who was gazing down at him with concern in his eyes. Michael never was completely sure how the whole Ashton thing worked, but if Calum was this upset about it, it had to be true.

"Are you okay?" Michael asked softly, not wanting to upset him any further.

Calum nodded, pulling away slightly and wiping the tears from his eyes with his sleeve.

The two boys stood up, and Calum gave the blonde a small smile. "Thank you."

Michael felt relief wash over at him at the sight of Calum's smile. "You don't have to thank me for anything."

Calum shoved his hands into his pockets, looking down at the grass. "I think he's in a much better place now. I'm just glad I got to see him again."

Michael reached back out for his the shorter boy's hands, lacing his fingers with his. "I'm glad you did too."

After a moment of silence, Michael spoke up again, giving Calum a slight smile. "It's really late, Cal. And it's been a long night. And you must be crazy, because it looked like you walked here."

Calum scoffed. "More like ran."

Michael chuckled softly, shaking his head at the dark haired boy. He could barely even see him, only the light of flashlight coming from his phone in his pocket illuminated his caramel skin. "How about I give you a ride home?"

Calum nodded. "That would be nice."

"And by home, I mean home with me."

-

this has been all sad so far and only 1 malum date and Yikes

but hey i promise the rest will be all malum and hopefully happy :D

thanks for reading if you did aye