So Much More

Happy Birthday

"Okay, fine. You want to know something Mr. John?"

He went silent as his adams apple bobbed from my tone of voice. 

"I don't need anyone telling what I need or don't need." I jabbed my forefinger into his chest as my anger grew. "Why should I listen to anyone outside of school anyway? It isn't like they were there when my parents left. Even when they suspected nothing happened. A couple visits here and there and didn't care who showed up to cover for them."

Ryan just stood to the side listening to every word as I backed his brother up until he nearly stumbled off the porch. He was quiet and let me vent out my frustrations on Mr. John. 

"All they cared about while I grew up was attendance and grades. Higher the grades the more attention they get. This went on from age six. That's right." 

Mr. John was shocked and tried to speak, "I'm so.."

"Sorry?!" I laughed as a single tear made its way down my cheek. "I don't need pity. I have taken care of myself just fine. At least they had the decency to send money for the neighbors to pay their bills until I was sixteen." There was a gasp from behind me. It was Ryan.

Mr. John stayed silent as he listened to me go on explaining my life. Yelling and shouting at him from every angle. He didn't budge even as I started to pound on his chest for being such a nosy nuisance.

"My first job wasn't one for kids. It was bad in fact. I didn't know anything about it though. I just found out about it on a job site. Deliveries by bike really. Not suppose to be dangerous right. Even a kid could do it. Wrong. Packages can carry things that will put even the carrier in danger. People came after me once. After that I decided to quit. Good thing I found another job waiting tables."

Mr. John fell to the ground now. Staring up at me with sad and pitying eyes. He landed pretty hard and his dominant hand was cut on a rock. Not deep and not enough for him to tear his eyes from mine. Not even as tears came more. 

"Mr. John let me tell you something. I had two jobs. Both were barely enough considering they were only part-time. All were on weekends except when on summer break. Lucky wouldn't even begin to describe it either. Drawing things and creating them helped some to. People started to ask me to do things and gave me money to cover it. Soon a business started up."

I gave a hard laugh as I faced a house that was over a mile away. My neighborhood wasn't a very close sitting. You had to walk a pretty good bit before you got to any of their houses. That must be what Mr. John was thinking to as he followed my eyes.

"This neighborhood only helped me because my parents left my child support. Whatever they didn't use to get me clothes or food with they kept. One even tried to kidnap me once. Not sure which. Just know that I was happy that I was needed for once until a cop showed."

Ryan took this opportunity to speak. "Why didn't you tell anyone?"

I turned my head to where his voice came. "Why won't a mouse come out from hiding? Cause' fear is a common factor in a world like this. Plus there was hope. Hope that would bring my family back but not any more. Not since five years ago." I turned and fully faced him. "Why should a thirteen year old waste time on that when she needs to fend for herself with what little she knows."

"So you would've rather faced the world by yourself then with a stranger?" Mr. John spoke. 

I gave a sad chuckle. "You don't get it. When small and alone fear controls you. Everyone is a monster when night prevails and you can't see anyone's face. When you grow to know better then why grow up with a family that might abuse you. Or stay in an orphanage knowing that you are too old and none wants you. Everyone knows that babies are what are wanted not teens."

Walking back up the front porch I turned my face to them with a grimace. "Happy eighteenth birthday to me. I got this far by myself and I know I can make it farther without your pity. Now leave. I have work to do." The door slammed behind me. Words can't describe how I feel. 

The only thing that can calm my nerves is drawing. Yet right now that is not where my feet are taking me. Instead it is a darkened room I haven't been in for ages. It is filled with dust and cobwebs for not being used or aired out for so long. My old room. One that was once filled with a very happy memory.