Take A Minute

Part 7

Sometimes everything starts to seem like too much. I start to feel like I'm drifting away from my best friends even if I'm not. I begin to feel all the pain that I had thought I left behind. All the nerves and fear come back from deep inside. And I become this pathetic human being. It's not supposed to be this way. I'm supposed to be happy. I have great friends, who love and accept e for me. But I also have those other people who no matter what I feel like I can't do anything to make them happy, or get them to like me. Honestly, as I think about it, most of my friends I have are only because I was just there, when they would hang out with my best friends, so I would get the occasional "Hey" or "What's up?" and eventually they grew to like me more, but I could never compare to them.  Yes, I always joke about being the third or fifth wheel. And I have become their official third wheel, and it's usually just me joking around, but I also feel that if I don't then I'll just be forgotten and pushed to the side. And I try to make friends on my own, I really do, but either I can't think of something to say, or I end up saying the wrong thing. They all tell me just to be myself and let the conversation flow, but obviously that isn't working. And I don't seem to understand why. It worked so easily for them, they just clicked, and I mean that's what happened with me and my two best friends. But other than them every other frienship I've ever had has ended in fights, or goes back and fourth between fighting and not.