Bruised

Beauty Queen

The water dripped from her face, droplets clashing unto the sink. She ran a finger under her eye, the bags heavy and dark. She was meant to be perfect. She was meant to be better than everyone else. Yet when she looked into her own eyes, all she saw was failure.

A loud knock sounded on the door. “Christine, we're going to be late!” Her mother's voice called from the other side.

“Prim and proper Christine.” she whispered to herself, as she opened the small draw under the sink and reached for the concealer. “Beauty over all.” she repeated the words she had heard her mother say over and over again.

She opened the concealer container and began to dab the light cover up on the bags under her eyes. “Prim and proper Christine.” She muttered. The concealer slipped from her fingers and she cursed as it splattered all over the floor.

“Christine!” Her mother's voice called once again.

Inside she felt like screaming, yet outside she remained as cool as she had been trained. The ultimate ice queen. She collected the concealer and the now broken lid, slipping it quickly back in the small draw. Her hands felt clammy as they put on her pearls, and the gold chain that hang from her neck felt heavy and cold.

Her blonde hair slipped past her shoulders, the extensions feeling harsh and itchy. “Christine!”

Deep breath in...deep breath out. She finally opened the bathroom door, seeing her mother huffing angrily, her arms crossed, her own blonde hair flowing in silky curls past her shoulders. “About time. Lets go, in the car now!”

The drive to the Beauty Pageant seemed everlasting yet her mother wouldn't let her put her shoulders down or press her back against the seat once. “You'll crinkle that dress.” she spoke, frowning whenever she moved an inch. “What's up with you today? Your more fidgety than normal...surely your not nervous? We've done this a hundred times Christine, and you've won every single time. What do you have to be anxious about?” Her mother berated.

When no answer came, she finally sighed and pointed to the dash board. “Grab yourself a book from in there. Might take your mind of things.”

Christine obeyed as always, opening the dash board and grabbing the first book her fingers touched. When she looked down at the title, she was surprised to see the words “Holy bible” written on the book. Her mother had a bible in the car?

“Oh, that was from one of those crazy religion people that visit the neighbourhood, handing out free bibles. Remind me to throw it away.” Her mother said quickly when she noticed the book her daughter had chosen.

Yet, Christine felt drawn to the book in her hands and she couldn't help opening it with curiosity. She opened to a random page, not really sure where to start. She had heard all the genesis and Moses stories at school and she really didn't want to go back down that route.

'And the Israelites...' blah de blah de blah. She skipped the pages with a quiet sigh almost about to give up on the book when she landed on a verse that jumped surprisingly at her.

'But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”' 1 Samuel 16:7

The heart? Did she even have one? All her life people had looked at her appearance. They marvelled at her pretty hair and told her repeatedly how they loved her beautiful eyes. That was something else she had learned at school during religious studies. God's love for each and every person...yet, God's love didn't matter all that much to her, especially when pretty much the whole school was in love with her?

Yet, why did she walk past the girls toilets many a time and hear her name associated with the words “cow” “slut” and “bitch.”

“How do you know when someone loves you?” The words slipped out of her lips.

Her mother glanced at her for a second, brows raised. “When someone loves you?”

She nodded. “Do they get butterflies like in the movies mother? Would they risk their life for you? Do they-”

The laugh that came out her mother, loud and deep, shocked her. “Silly girl. Love doesn't exist! I'll tell you what it is when a man loves you my dear. Its when they see you and they think you are the most beautiful girl in the world, then they will bow down to all you wishes and do what ever you may ask them too.” She smirked.

"But what about the heart-”

"Heart? You think they care about your feelings? They only care about you appearance, nothing else. Why do you think your Aunt Barbara hasn't married yet?”

'Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him.'

“Love doesn't exist. No one cares about feelings, or even making you happy. Everyone will judge you on your appearance Christine. Everyone.”

'For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.'

“Stop the car.” Christine whispered, cutting off her off.

Her mother looked at her in shock. “What?”

“Stop the car.”

“Christine-” Her hand flew to the door handle and she tugged hard, opening it while the car was still moving. Her mother slammed down hard on the breaks, causing people behind to start honking their horns and shouting curses.

She unclipped her seat belt. “Christine, what on earth are you doing?” She kicked off her heals. “Christine, close that door this instant-Christine!”

She clutched the bible to her chest and clambered out of the car, running down the road. She didn't know where she was going but heck, she'd never felt so free in her life. A beauty queen, running down the road, stepping on mud and getting it all over her rich, expensive white dress.

She dodged cars and for once didn't hastily fix her hair when it flew out of tight updo. Familiar, tears thrashed down her face, yet for one, they felt good. She felt something inside of her get released out with her tears and she didn't care about the make up that was surely running havoc down her cheeks.

A beauty queen, running down the road, stepping on mud and getting it all over her rich, expensive white dress. A beauty queen with a heart so empty, that she yearned to fill it before it was too late. A beauty queen who knew that while everyone was looking at her appearance, at least someone out there was looking at her heart.

And she better make it as perfect as she can if they are.