The Pinkyswear

Chapter 4

I was sitting in the waiting room at the awful hospital. The hospital itself was nice and friendly with the white walls and pale colours not burning into your mind like poison, but unfortunately, I didn't like hospitals. I rather despised them.

How can you despise something you haven't been to? You was never sick enough to go to the hospital.

The hospital was like a dark, forgotten memory now. It only reminded me of what I had been told only hours ago, by my parents – my adoptive parents. The sweet little whispers, as they told me why I might be having my obsession with pinkyswear. And everything went back to her.

It wasn't amusing or fun knowing the truth; I wanted to puke. Knowing she was my reason, made me want to quit, but I couldn't. It was just my thing. But that wasn't the only thing annoying me.

Twenty-four years, and finally I knew the reason why I couldn't dare to walk into a hospital on my own choice. I just couldn't even think the thought. Gladly, I hadn't the need for the visit that often. I would at every occasion have left and gone home to fix it myself, but my pinky meant too much to me to leave it hanging like that. Literally. 

My eyes kept wanderer around the room as I looked for a hope, or maybe just someone. Someone to say a joke and make this less uncomfortable. Someone to just keep me out of my head, so that I didn't impulsively do something I would regret on. Maybe her.

No, more likely him.

I just wanted someone here, because by myself I was almost running out of air. It felt like I was suffocating, but I couldn't move. There was something triggering me, knowing this was the exact same hospital she had given me up - her own child. And I didn't know about her until now.

                This is just too much.

The clock was almost eight, but I had still gotten told to wait since Saturdays always were pretty damn busy. I couldn't disagree. The shops were always filled on the weekends, being the only free days for the grown-ups, but also the busiest days for tourists and other visitors. 

I had taken it as a chance to run away; there wasn't any place for me here. It was just a finger, but I had forced myself to stay. It had meant too much. This means too much, I had told myself, and I listened for once. I couldn't leave. 

I wanted to run away though; get ever from this scary place where I only felt frightened and almost threatened. Threatened by my identity; my name and who I really was. By her.

This place only reminded me of the story I was told, about me and my birth mom. Right in this place. Twenty-four years ago. The day I was taken away from her, and given to the ones I somehow had gotten to dislike at the moment. About the pinkyswear she had made me.

"I could have driven you here, you know?"

His voice broke me out of my thoughts, as I turned my face against Liam. I was surprised he even care so little to come here, but still he had. At least  I was out of my deadly mind now. 

            "Are you following me?" I asked him. My question was easy, but playfully. Just like I was trying to flirt, which I was trying to at the same time as I wasn't.

Why, Elona? Do you really think this will work out? Do you want it to work out? No, I just want the distraction.  

I smiled a weak smile, before turning my head down to my lap, where my hand was covered in ice. The ice bag would soon be melted; that's how long I had been waiting. These doctors were so slow, and this hospital really gave me the creeps.