Yours Truly, Autumn

Prologue

P R É F A C E

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Je te souhaite le meilleur, peut importe où tu es, peut importe avec qui tu es. J'espère que tu te retrouves en cette lettre, car elle t'est adressée.

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How to fall in love. It's quite simple. All you need is two people. Two hearts, two minds, two pair of hands. It's always the same.

It starts with mindless flirting, whether it's with a complete stranger or the boy who lived at the end of the street since as long as you can remember.

Or in our case, the girl you crashed into at that stupid party Jessica threw.

Many say that to fall in love is either your demise or your redemption. It's one or the other. Yet, with us, I'm not sure it was either.

Falling in love with you was like... knowing I finally found my place in this world. We connected so fast, so very fast. I knew I had my place in your arms ever since I first laid my eyes on you.

It always starts with two people, but how does it end? With a broken body lying on the floor while the other is already out the door? Or with both of them standing outside, screaming at each other for mistakes they've already forgot?

How did we end?

Did we end the moment you walked out, or did we end when I let you go?

I'm not sure anymore. Perhaps we ended somewhere in between, somewhere along the fights and the kisses, somewhere along the curses and the promises. A middle between salvation and crashing down. Because when it did felt utterly good falling for you, it also felt like crashing down head first.

It's all a blur really. Were you already out the door when I pushed you out of my life? Or, was I pushing you out only for you to leave?

Does it even matter anymore? Probably not. You know how I get when the gears in my mind starts turning. Who's at fault, who's not.

If I had to answer this question, I would say neither of us.

Funny how that works, isn't it Noah?

How a long time ago, your name would have rolled off my tongue if I had someone to blame.

The truth is, we had it coming. We did. I was just too... too ignorant to see the signs.

If you were to receive this letter, you'd roll your eyes at me. "You're not ignorant Autumn. You're smart and beautiful and special, but not ignorant."

And if you were to tell me this right now, I would almost believe you. You always had a way to make me believe. The truth is, I'm naïve - I did let you go.

I'm diverting from the direction I wanted this letter to take. The point is, things have changed.

I'm not the same girl I was back then. I'm not the same girl I was after you left also.

Dammit, Noah why do I always have to bring up your departure? Why do it always comes back to you leaving?

How the fuck am I supposed to get over you when I can't even write this letter the way I want?

Yes. I know. I just swore. I told you I changed.

Still, what I meant to say was - what I have wanted to say from the beginning is - I'm writing this to you for myself. I want to move on Noah. I want to go on with my life without feeling like complete and utter shit because you left. Because you told me how you'd always be there for me. And look at you now. Probably halfway around the world, working different jobs every week, different countries every month.