Girl Code

How Do I Feel? - Elizabeth Ramos (Introduction)

How do I know how I feel about him?

It's just that, whenever I'm around him I feel like a different person. A new me. My friends ask me over and over if I like him, but I'll usually respond with a "no" or "I don't know."

How should I feel about him? Should I be scared to let him hurt my feelings, yet beg for my forgiveness? Well, it's reasonable enough if I am because I'm afraid to let him hurt me. Anyway, what do I know? I'm just a stupid, little girl whom people say I'm too "obsessed" with boys.

But I shouldn't let people's words hurt me, though they do. I just can't ignore them. I have ears and I can hear every word they say. Despite whether or not they do or don't speak, the expressions on their face say otherwise.

Continuous voices in my head say, "Go ahead girl, do what you're afraid of. Don't be a chicken, you have to take a chance before it's too late."  What if I don't want to take a chance? What if I want to be a chicken because I'm too afraid to tell him that... that I like him?

For the next few minutes silence came upon me. I can't believe it, I can't believe I finally said the words. I like Antonio Frenci. I, Elizabeth Ramos, likes Antonio Frenci. It felt good, it felt good to say those words. It felt relaxing and relieving. Now the only thing I had left to do was to tell it to those close to me.

The first person I wanted to tell was, James. I wanted to tell him first because he was Antonio's brother, and he was also my friend. A few moments after I told him the news, I saw it that James was upset and he was kind of annoyed too. I didn't know why, but at least I knew he was happy for me. Now telling Antonio himself, was the hardest thing that I could do because I was a nervous wreck. I walked up to him anyways and asked if we could talk.

When we sat down, I told him these exact words,

"So Antonio! The person that likes you... Well, her name is..." I breathed before I said anything. "Her name is Elizabeth." He stared at me and that was when I knew worse was coming. He then told me, with a smile on his face, "I know."

He knew, but I didn't even know until a few minutes ago. Was it that obvious that I liked him that even I didn't know, myself? From this point on, it became awkward.

OH! How could I have been so foolish to have forgotten to tell Melanie?

Melanie, my best friend.

So I walked up to her and I said, "Hey Melanie, guess what...?"

Melanie responded, "You like Antonio, don't you? I've always known, Elizabeth. I knew it all along."

"Yeah, I do... Wait! How did you know? How does everyone know?"

"Well, it's simple to say that it's the way you act around him. And why is it that when I asked you if you did earlier, you denied me?" she said.

"I said no because I didn't know until now."

She gave me a stern look. "Who else knows?" Melanie asked.

"Well... I told James first then An..."

As I was interrupted, "Woah, woah, woah... You told James first? Why would you do that? I thought I'd be the first one to tell because we're best friends?" Melanie was angry.

"I don't see why it's such a big deal, I mean, at least I told you." I told her.

"Yeah, but you told me last."

"Forget it." I said I response.

"You know what, I'll just speak to you tomorrow." Melanie said in a annoyed voice as she left the room.

"You wouldn't understand anyway," I mumbled under my breath.

~~~~

So it was the following day, and I already couldn't wait for "Tomorrow is Today After School Program" (T.I.T.A.S.P.)

I just couldn't wait to see Antonio. Every time I looked at the clock, it seemed as if the time was getting slower and slower.

At last, it was time for T.I.T.A.S.P. and I was finally going to see him. Sadly, this was the last day of the week so that meant I would not be able to see him for another 48 hours. Honestly, those 48 hours were worth the wait to see him on Monday.

Suddenly, I bumped into Marie Rose and I felt anger, frustration, and hatred towards her, flowing through my body.