Some Entries

11/9/16

      Election day came and went, with Trump on top. Jack is utterly devastated. He's basically been put on mute for most of today. I mean, I'm disappointed too, but what's done is done. He definitely needs to lighten up, but he also thinks that no one is upset with him! I mean, he probably thinks I'm pro-Trump because I haven' said otherwise.

      I just didn't want to get into another debate over politics. We've gotten into enough religious ones that I now have a major dislike towards them, especially against Rachel and Dan. I do pity Jack, his closest friends are all religious or Republican (minus Kyrsten who doesn't get involved i politics because of religion), and even if I did speak up to try and cheer him up, he'd reject me due tot the fact that I'm annoying and like to push his buttons. If he wasn't so harsh, and I wasn't so buggy, maybe we could be actual friends. I feel though it may be too late now, and it saddens me. But I'm human, and weak af, and don't my opinion in fear of criticism, so he'll never know. Even if I were to text him my condolences, he barely ever looks at mine (I wouldn't be surprised if he blocked me). Jack is great friend when he can be, more insightful and intelligent than caring and stuff, but I love when we get into big discussions like that. It makes me feel inspired, minus when he only played dub-step and made strange noises during the Skype call.

      Debates are a touchy subject for us. Nothing gets solved, everyone is claiming they are more correct and better, and it ends up skewed. In our religious debates it always ends up in a 3v1, 3 Christians versus a Catholic converted to atheism. I try not to get too involved, unless it's to be a mediator to try and end it. I feel as though if I helped Jack, Rachel wouldn't respect me as much, and she's usually a great person to talk to. If I tell her my true beliefs, she may attempt to convince me otherwise, and I don't want her to try and fight a battle she will not win. I want to talk to Jack more, but he never answers, and I feel like sometimes he'll be the only one to understand me, without trying to debate my beliefs. Rachel says it's hard to be a Christian in today's society. Bitch, it's hard to be an atheist in just a handful of friends! Christianity is far more accepted than atheism as of now (in my opinion and experience), and no one really gives a fuck about what the Bible truly says. I just want to be me without getting political and religious.

      I still can't believe some of Rachel's claims against Clinton was that she'd make college cheaper, yes we'd get higher taxes, but higher taxes will be less of a problem with less college debt and more people will be earning a better income by going t college! She would've been in her first year of college by the end of her term! People were also upset by gun laws, yea, and it could make the public a hell of a lot safer. But then again, these points are all moot by now.

      I just don't know anymore, I really don't. I'm so used to being influenced by others that when I finally think for myself, everyone says I'm wrong and that I should submit to them and their beliefs (but still be yourself! LOL!). I'm done with politics until the next election, and I'm done with religion, and I'm rooting for Jack o keep his opinion , because that's something that I'll never be able to do. I admire his strength and insight, and wish we could talk more.