Hello, long time no post. I really am quite sorry about that. Nothing interesting has really happened for me to write about so I didn't want to waste your time with nonsensical information and such. Well, not really nonsense. It's more unneeded and wanted information. I could've and almost did, write about the Halloween showing of Rocky Horror Picture Show. If I had done that, however, I would've probably been having to make this a PG-13 rating, if not R. Basically, lots of people going to see it in very little clothing. Of the five total people in my group, only my roommate (now ex-roommate) and I were able to get in. That was only because we purchased our tickets online. That is the very short version of the story. Anyways, on to today's topic.
I am currently in my fourth week back on campus after winter break. We started back at the very end of January. About a week before moving back in I got a text message from Charlotte* saying that she was moving to a different dorm. In the text she gave reasons that I am not going to fully disclose here, I am going to simply say it was for her benefit to be in a dorm closer to the buildings for her major and less of a walk. She also went on to state the obvious that we were very different people. (Honestly that last bit is a brilliant observation, I think even Sherlock Holmes would be impressed. (Note: sarcasm)) I didn't respond back to her immediately because I didn't want to say something that I might regret. It hurt to only be let know when it was for sure. I understand that she likely didn't want to tell me and have me get someone else that would move in with me and then if she ended up not moving having it cause a rift. I thought she knew me better than that. In her same position, the thing I would've done is simply explained things as she did in the first part of the message. Let the other person know that getting a different dorm was something that I was attempting to do. That gives the other person time to try to find someone else, to say 'hey, there is a possibility that my roommate is going to be moving to a different dorm, if she does, would you like to room with me?' A week to find a new roommate was not enough time.
It wasn't that I didn't have people I could ask. Nina* is an international student, so she has to stay in an extended stay dorm, since she can't go home for spring break. My dorm is not an extended stay and she already had a roommate. Rebeka* already had a roommate and they get along really well, so I knew asking would likely be a moot point. Eva* lives next door to me, but with her working late hours and getting back basically when I usually go to sleep and my having to be up hours before she did, we figured it wouldn't be a good idea. Which leads me to my private room.
I love having a private room. After basically having an anxiety attack over who I was going to get stuck with, even having a weird dream that I came into my room and some girl with dolls everywhere named Becky was there, my parents agreed to let me have a private room. I've been happier with my private room than I was all last semester. My sleep schedule is back to normal and I am a lot more relaxed. I can have my guitar and my piano with me too. I am glad that I did not end up rooming with Eva. I learned after my first week on campus some interesting things about what she and Charlotte really thought about me. I wish I had never asked if Eva would want to be my roommate. Charlotte had told her about the possibility of her moving when she first emailed housing. Between the two of them, they talked about me almost as if I wasn't even a person. I saw the messages, I would know. That day, I didn't leave my room. I didn't get dressed. I talked to Simon* and Meredith* over the phone and they really helped me not fully wallow in self-pity. The whole day I was wondering how I had missed it. How could I have not realized two of the people I thought were my good friends hated me? Charlotte had flat out said, "Jesus, I hate her so much."
One thing that I think hurt the most was that they were dismissive of things going on with me. I have anxiety, OCD, and ADHD. One of the things they did was say basically because my anxiety isn't like theirs, I don't really have it. I was on the phone with Meredith nearly in tears after reading the messages wondering what else had Charlotte said to people. I voiced to Meredith the concerns that 'what if everyone I've met down here feels the same way?' 'What if everyone hates me and only puts up with me because they pity me? What if I don't really have these close friends that I thought I did?' She told me to calm down and that those things running through my head is just my anxiety talking. The main thing with my anxiety is people. I worry about the things people hide, mostly how they really feel about me. What if everything I do makes people hate me more and more? The OCD honestly doesn't help at all with that. I have a certain sleep schedule, a certain morning schedule, a certain way I have to do things when I clean up. I really do not like my schedule messed up. Last semester, these schedules were a great source of anxiety. I wasn't getting enough sleep because Charlotte had a fit if I asked her to go somewhere else to skype her boyfriend. The first night she was skyping him I tried to be nice, but she continued to loudly talk to him until one in the morning. Then in the mornings, I had to change my morning routine depending on what she did in the mornings. I had to dry my hair in the bathroom because the hair drier running in the morning bothered her. Some mornings, I had to put my makeup on in the bathroom because I couldn't turn a light on, other mornings I could do it in the room. The inconsistencies really stressed me out. With my private room, I can make sure that I am on task with my morning alarm system. (It's basically a series of alarms that I set for the morning, starting with be up and ending with leaving. It goes through when I have to be done with every single thing I have to do in the morning, timed so that I have the exact time needed for tasks and can be out the door perfectly on time.)
If your roommate leaves you, it's not the end of the world. Perhaps, like me, you will end up being even better off.
*The names have been changed to protect their privacy.
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Thoughts of a First Year College Student.
غير روائيThis is simply some short pieces about my experiences at college my first year. I will not name which college I attend, any of the sorority chapters on campus, or any of the names of my professors. This is to protect the privacy of anyone who may...
