Recovered

Chapter 4

Katrina

I saw Thalia on the streets one day after she left. I followed her. Thalia and her new friends were talking. About me I realized. I snuck just a little closer to hear the conversation better.

"Your "friend" what's she like?" one of them asked.

"Which one?" Thalia responded.

"The...uh blonde one. Ya know, the one you keep sabotaging."

"Oh, Katrina? She's the worst."

I started working for random people for money. It wasn't a great job, but soon I had enough for a bike.

Then I left. I don't know why I stayed in that terrible city anyway.  I biked 500 miles, and then I biked 500 more. But I didn't fall down at any doors. No-one wanted me, and I had nowhere to go.

I would be in a new city and that's all that matters. I had a goal for traveling. I read a quote by David Mitchell that said, "Travel far enough. You meet yourself." I wanted to meet myself. I couldn't help but wonder where I was residing. Who I was. I wanted to know. 

I went so far only to remember that it didn't matter how far I went, there wouldn't be anything for me anywhere.  I would still be me, the not ever good enough me. And I would still be alone.

That's the sad thing about betrayal,  that it never comes from your enemies. Thalia was about the only friend I ever had. And even though I was somewhere away. I couldn't enjoy life. This place was no better with no friends. Betrayal hurts, but not as much as not having your friends. I miss having friends.

"At night, when the stars light up my room

I sit by myself;

Talking to the moon,

Trying to get to you.

In hopes, you're on the other side,

Talking to me too.

Or, am I a fool, who sits alone, talking to the moon."

I guess that sometimes it's better to be alone, so nobody can hurt you.

My whole world is falling apart. Traveling is not as enjoyable, as I thought it would be. It's amazing but in a weird way. Traveling is like moving from one dark corner of my mind and soul to another. It's like seeing the broken dreams that I had, take a beautiful form, which is then filled with monsters.

A wise person once said to me, "No reason to stay, is a good reason to go." Sometimes I am glad I left. I no longer have to walk past people that I used to know, while they give me they're judgmental stares. But it hurts. Being far away from my whole life.

In fact, all of me hurts. I am breaking. Why am like this? Why am me? Why do feel so good during the day, but not at night? I am not even sad; this is the happiest I have ever been. I feel better, free, so why am I empty and sad? And why do I hurt? It seems like all my happiness is ephemeral.