mental overload

III

I jump.
I fall.
Down in a dark, narrow tunnel. I could probably stick out my arms and touch the slippery walls, but I would surely break them.
Oh well...
I extend my arms, and suddenly I'm gliding. I'm still falling, but now it I almost graceful. And I see a light. As cliché as this might sound, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
But I'm not in a tunnel. This is more like a rabbit hole. I am Alice, I am falling, falling, falling...

I am closer to the light now, but I still have a long way to go.
I fall like a leaf, and then I remember.

"Leaves everywhere. On the ground, on our coats. We are laughing, throwing dry leaves at each other, with big smiles on our faces and for once they aren't fake. "

Then, darkness.

"The leaves are back. But we're not playing like kids anymore. We have come to realize what growing up actually means.
I am shouting, why am I shouting?
(Stop, stop, stop...)
She is crying, why am I hurting her?
(Stop, stop, stop...)

The one person that's always been there... Somehow I managed to conceal the beast. But it's too little, too late now.
She is turning, she is running.
Away from me.
I can't stop her.
I can't blame her.
I can't move, speak, breathe, live.

I failed at concealing this monster from the one person that truly mattered. "

I close my eyes. Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop...

"My parents fighting. My blood on the floor of the bathroom, my blood on the floor of the school. My sister, in hospital. And her, the look in her eyes when she realized who I really was.
Who I really am"

I am closer to the light now, but I still have a long way to go.