A Life Wasted

Doubling Down

After a few days of feeling sorry for myself I decided on a course of action. I wanted to go home and forget all this had happened, but since that wasn't possible. I knew I had made a mistake, but I also understood it wasn't one I could reverse so I made up my mind to finish what I started. In gambling terms, I decided to double down. Up until this point I had lacked a direction much less any type of coherent plan. Now I had the outline of a plan. I would do all that I could to prevent abortions. Not a specific idea or a coherent plan, but general direction to take. Just having this gave me a sense of purpose and made me feel better about my circumstances. I didn't feel better about myself, I still hated myself, but with the decision to do something bigger than me I was able to feel better about the horrible mistake I had made.

When most people are hunted they find a familiar place to lay low and stay there. Usually around people they know. This is generally a mistake. When the cops hunt a guy they always start with his home turf and with people that he knows. For local cops this hunt generally occurs in the limited geographical area of the cop's own jurisdiction. This is not case with federal law enforcement.

One thing experience taught me about myself is that when I am hunted I move. I move constantly. I don't know why this is the case, but my gut reaction to being hunted is the opposite of nearly everyone else. My default reaction is to run far away from those chasing me. It's not something I consciously thought through, rather my natural reaction. For this reason, I drove that first stolen car to North Carolina, then stole a new SUV from a dealership. Once in the new car I drove it to Atlanta. Atlanta was not particularly safe for me because it was an area I had once lived. But Atlanta was a big place and far from home.

I had yet to realize that the abortion clinic data found in the Yukon would immediately bring the United States Marshals Service into the chase because I had yet to realize the hornets' nest I had stirred up with what I had attempted to do. I was ignorant to the political ramifications of taking on the abortion issue and as a result did not understand that a nationwide man-hunt had already been launched for me. I had quickly become a United States Marshals Service most wanted fugitive. The one thing that did make me overly cautious was the two guys in tactical gear. This was pre-9/11 so it was rare to see local cops in tactical gear. That they wore night vision especially made me think that they were more than a well-equipped local police force. It was also troubling that they were patrolling such a remote and unlikely spot so far from where, and so long after I had last been seen. None of it added up to me. Even in the privacy of my own mind I thought I was being paranoid.

So I forced myself to act as if the FBI was looking for me. I'd never been hunted by the FBI so I didn't know what to expect. Looking back on it I over-estimated their ability. I certainly over estimated how fast they would move. I anticipated they would know I had lived in Atlanta and would either make contact with or be watching people I knew. I knew to stay away from my mother and brother, who both lived in Atlanta, but I figured it would take them a while to reach as deep as all the people I knew there. There is a guy I had done business with in Atlanta before we moved to Alaska. I don't really make close friends, but he was a guy I knew well. More importantly he owed me money.

In 1989 when we moved to Alaska this guy had owed me $2,500. In 1991 when I traveled to the lower forty-eight (what Alaskan's call the rest of the United States) to make some money I stopped by this guy's house. He was still struggling but he did manage to pay me $500 of what he owed. Now I wanted the rest of that money, but I had to get it before the FBI contacted him. I did not trust him enough to go to him when he knew I was wanted.

He hadn't heard from me in eight years, so was surprised when I stopped by his house. I timed it for the morning to give him every opportunity to put together the money immediately because I would never come back. Needless to say he was surprised to see me, but knew immediately why I was there. He owed me $2,000 for far too long, but he had no reason to be afraid of me. He had no idea I'd ever been a criminal, much less that I had become one again. After he got over the shock of seeing me he said, "Good to see you. I was getting ready to leave, but I have your money. I can write you a check." I made up a story about losing my wallet and not having ID, so I followed him to the bank while he withdrew the cash. The trip to Atlanta had gone well. I now had the money to keep moving. To my knowledge the feds never contacted this guy. I doubt he realized I'd been wanted until two years later when my face would be plastered all over the media.

Before leaving Atlanta I needed to look for a gun. Atlanta was the best place I knew to buy a used gun from an individual seller, meaning a gun with no record. So before leaving town I bought the local paper and a few of the local area shoppers. One of the guns I spotted for sale by a private owner was a Glock. I'd heard of Glock but never held one, so I figured I'd see if I liked the gun before calling the guy. I knew of a big sporting goods store nearby that sold a large selection of guns so drove there to see how a Glock felt in my hand.