A Life Wasted

Close Call

I reached the Wal-Mart without seeing another police car and without incident. I walked with a horrible limp so I had to have drawn attention to myself, but I must have looked homeless because the few people who had looked at me quickly looked away. I'd already decided to go into the store for some shoplifting, so I went straight in. I did hesitate at the front door when I saw a wanted poster with my picture on it. I smiled when I saw the photo they had used, and then went in.

A week before my escape the jail had installed a new digital camera system so they took new pictures of all the inmates. I wasn't happy about this as I knew I was getting close and the only photo they had of me was my seventeen-month old arrest photo. I'd lost thirty-five pounds since then so I looked different. I didn't like the idea of them having a current photo. So I unbound my long hair and let it cover my ears and the side of my face, then blew my cheeks out and squinted my eyes when they took the photo. It was really done as a joke as I expected them to make me retake the photo with my hair out of my face and my face in a relaxed position. But they must not have looked at the photo because nothing was said. So I was pretty pleased with myself when I saw that particular photo on the wanted poster. My own wife wouldn't have recognized me from that photo.

I walked straight to the shoe section, picking up a thick pair of wool socks as I went. I removed and hid my orange jail shoes and put on the thick wool socks. I normally wear a size twelve shoe, but my feet were so swollen I had to go with a size fourteen boot. Boots because I felt better about protecting my feet as best I could. There was a pretty good chance I'd be in the woods before the day was over. If I didn't end up in jail. Or dead.

Feeling more confident with the boots on, I grabbed two bags of trail mix and two sixteen ounces of bottled water. I was severely dehydrated so I dropped one bottle in my back pocket and drank the other as I walked through the store. I wedged the two bags of trail mix in the front of the overalls and walked out of the store without incident. But there was an incident. It happened in the parking lot.

It was early so there weren't many cars in the parking lot, about twenty cars near the door. As I walked through these I causally looked at each hoping to see a set of keys dangling from the ignition. No luck there, but as I walked a car entered the parking lot and pulled in just ahead of me. The guy had just parked his car and stood up when we made eye contact with each other. Both of us froze. I knew him well, as he did me. This guy had seen me nearly every day for the past seventeen months in his capacity as a deputy sheriff and jail guard. I knew his politics; I knew he didn't like abortion any more than I did. Even though he wasn't in uniform I knew he was armed. I knew what kind of off duty gun he carried. I even knew where he carried it. I knew that he wouldn't have been terribly upset about my escape. He wouldn't have helped me, would have even stopped me if he could have, but he wouldn't have been upset about it.

The other thing I knew about him was that he had a great sense of duty and honor. He would arrest me now if he could.

All this went through my mind in a millisecond. What I did was put my right hand behind my back to imitate the move I would make if I had a gun there. I did this so fast it caught him in mid reach for his own gun. Seeing that I had beaten him to it he froze. I don't think his eyes ever left mine. I know mine never left his. This could have gone either way. He might have drawn his weapon while I was reaching and killed me. Justifiably. But he didn't so now I had frozen him in mid reach. I saw in his eyes that he was about to go for his gun again so I shook my head, telling him not to do it. He hadn't moved, then after a second he relaxed his hand, then his body. He had crouched slightly, so now he straightened up.

I hadn't even realized it, but I had taken a modified Weaver stance, so I'd turned my body sideways to him to give him the smallest possible target and I had crouched down a little. Now that he had visibly relaxed his body I did the same, keeping my empty right hand hidden behind my body. It's a technique called mirroring and it works well at putting people at ease. Either consciously or unconsciously he picked up on this and gave me a slight smile. He seemed to fully relax, but purposefully kept his hands so that I could see them. I could almost see his thoughts. He didn't think I was armed, but he had to wonder about the clothes I was wearing. I'd stolen the clothes from somewhere so it was possible I found a gun too. But he was also thinking that I wouldn't shoot him even if I did have a gun. He knew me that well. But he couldn't be sure. And deep down he didn't really want to catch me all that much. He knew I wouldn't harm anyone. He knew I was just trying to get away so I could get back to the abortion clinic thing. And that was something that wouldn't bother him either.

I can't know that he was thinking these things, but I do believe it was something like this. Whatever he was thinking he had decided not to confront me. He gave me a slight nod, and then used his hip to close his car door. Then he turned his back to me and walked into the Wal-Mart. I had to assume he would call in my location. Moving as fast as I could I walked towards a gas station at the end of the Wal-Mart parking lot. The clock was ticking and it was ticking fast.