The Life of a Rogue

8. Dirty, Dirty Thoughts

A/N: Hey. Uh, hi. Slightly socially awkward here, um what's up? So I wonder how many Americans are reading this... I actually find America and Australia quite interesting. Like, it's different but I can relate. It's kind of like how I'd imagine a parrallel world would be like... Ah. Freaking you lot out huh. *cue awkward nervous laugh* Anyway the point of this is: I'm sorry this is quite short but I feel like the chapter should end there... You're welcome for the picture.

  I stood there numbly for a few seconds.

 "What?"

 "Take me with you."

 "What-why?" I shook my head.

 There's a pause before he stutters, "B-because I want to be with you, alright? Is that too much to ask?" A blush rose to his cheeks and he stuffed his hands into his pockets, rocking on his heels.

 I tried to process what he was saying... "Yes. That is." His face fell with disbelief and disappointment. I wanted to walk over there and promise him anything. Comfort him and promise that we could be together forever.

 But I didn't. 

 And instead Joshua got angry. "Why the hell not?!"

 "Because I'm a fucking rogue! That's why!" I screamed at him, stating the complete obvious that clearly keeps missing. "I live alone, I eat alone, I play alone, I sleep alone, I work alone!"

 He blinked and bit his lip, looking anywhere but me. I don't think he's ever seen me so out of control. "Can't you just stop pushing me away," he murmured and it sounded more of a plead then a question.

 I sighed, the feeling of guilt eating me inside, the anger soon drains from me. "I'm sorry," I surprised myself when that fell from my mouth. I haven't apologized since I stole my father's favourite watch and he decided to give it to me... Don't go there, Charlotte. "I'm sorry that I'm not the mate you wanted. I'm sorry that I'm just some fucked up bitch who has deep commitment issues."

 I let that hang there.

 To my surprise, Joshua let out low chuckle. "...You know I dreamt of my mate. A sweet girl who was really nice and cute. Someone who would laugh at every joke I would make. Someone who would be all shy around me. Someone I could protect from any harm. Someone who would take me in with open arms."

 I feel my heart sink as he describes someone completely opposite to me. My Wolf cries in pain and anguish. I look away, not able to take it face on as he keeps tearing me apart.

 "And I get you." He chuckles but I don't see what's funny. "You're the complete opposite..." Tears well up in my eyes and I can feel the same pain he's must have felt. God, how karma was such a bitch. "But-but I don't care one bit."

 He looks up at me sheepishly. His eyes locking on mine and I see a sea of emotions that I don't dare picking out.

 I feel a warmth spreading through me and before I knew it, I flung myself at him. "Ugh," he grunts from the impact of my hug. I wrap my arms around his neck, nuzzling my face onto his chest as I did so and just stayed there. His warmth spreads through me and I feel comfortable by him just being here.

 Though, he stays still, frozen from my sudden attack.

 I breathe his scent in deep and feel myself relax against him. My Wolf egging on dirty thoughts in my head and I pull him in tighter. I blush knowing that mates can feel each other's feelings, it was one of reasons I kept my distances. Not anymore, my Wolf laughs.

 Speaking of which, I feel something harden against my leg. My eyes widen with recognition and I pull away before it gets too...intimate.

 You wouldn't that would you? I swallow as my Wolf laughs. Chill Lottie, it's only natural!

 Joshua stands there, still not moving. I glance down to see a bulge - quite large - and I press my lips together. I clear my throat as my face gets more flushed by the second.

 Joshua snaps out of his daze and looks at with surprised eyes. He glances down in confusion and curses, "Oh shit," before adjusting the area.

 I cringe in embarrassment as my Wolf forces obscene and lustful images in my head. Oh my! I wonder how it feel to rake our nails down his back! Does he have abs? How about a 'V'?

 I swallow and imagined his naked chest. He must have muscles, very defined muscles, perfect to lick off melted chocolate.

 That's it! I scream inside my head before blocking her out.

 "So..." Joshua starts as he rubs the back of his neck. There's still a tinge of blush lining his gorgeous cheekbones. "How about that offer?"

 I blink as I try to grasp what he's saying. "You mean helping me? What about your pack and your family?" I asked, trying to punch holes in his thinking.

 "They'll cope," he shrugs. "I think it's about time for a  holiday."

 "This isn't a 'holiday'," I tell him. "Are you prepared for long drives, taking camp in the woods, taking down an entire pack, killing another human being?!"

 He bites his lip. "There isn't children is there?" He asked.

 "The pack doesn't 'do' kids," I said. "People just join in their prime and they kill them off when they grow useless," I tell him bitterly. "Anyway, do you think you could look at me in the same way as I kill them mercilessly?" I ask, desperately wanting to know the answer.

 "I've seen you gun down twenty werewolves, I think I can take it," he tells me.

 I stand there for a while, complementing what to do.

 I could turn him down and he might move on. He might despise me. He hasn't asked for anything before and he's just taken my shit as I dished it out.

 But if I let him come, then who knows what would happen. I could really drive him away. Or we could actually be together and I would have to become Luna. I didn't want to become Luna. I would suck and I hate responsibility and pressure.

 I feel sick just thinking of it. So I told him that, "I don't to be a Luna," I murmured in fear.

 He seemed shocked by what I said. "We can work that out when the time comes." We stand in silence, I take note that his bulge is still there, and he waits for my answer.

 I decided to take the jump.

 "Well I guess we're going to have to go to your pack. You're going to need your stuff."