A Streetcar Named Desire

"Some things are hard to let go of."
Veronica Roth, Allegiant
"You can't look back - you just have to put the past behind you, and find something better in your future."
Jodi Picoult, Salem Falls

She tiptoes quietly from their room making sure her steps do not make a sound, making sure her husband is asleep.
Quietly when it's almost the middle of the night she steps into her society' compound and takes a glance around. The security guard is asleep, of course and she takes a sigh of relief.
It makes her feel like a thief to be doing this but she finds she has no other alternative. With slow, steady steps she makes her way towards the parking lot of their complex and stops at last in front of her destination - her first baby, her shiny red car.
Hesitantly as if it might disappear if she makes a quick move she steps towards it and at last takes her place in front of the bonnet.
She runs a gentle loving hand over it as she begins to make way towards the driver' seat.  Her hand is at the roof of the car above the driver' door when she cannot help but feel tears pooling in her eyes.
She stifles a laugh and shakes her head at the realization that she is crying and is about to wipe away her tears when she notices a handkerchief in her line of vision and turns around. Turning around her doubts are confirmed and she is equal parts mortified, as she is thrilled and happy to know her hunch had been right.
"Raman?"
"Nope it's my ghost here...no make it a clone."
"One of you is enough as it is for the world Raavan Kumar."
"Oh is it? Well one of you is more than enough for this world too."
He shakes his head and steps closer to his wife as he wipes away her tears with his kerchief, his gesture surprising her and setting her heart aflutter all at once.
"How did you know I would be here?"
"Madam in case you have forgotten I have been your husband for what seven months now and have come to  know you and if there is one thing I know very well about my wife, it is that whenever she sneaks away at nights I better be alert."
She pouted prettily at first when he began but later a naughty twinkle appeared in her eye as she asked him in a teasing tone,
"You worry so much about me Raman?"
"Worry about you? Nah it is my home I am worried about as your midnight escapades end up with you bringing strays and I really can't afford that, one pathetic night of sleeping on the sofa in the hall is enough for my back."
"Ha ha very funny and you gave up in one night I have been breaking my back for months now on the sofa, ever considered that?"
She realized the folly of her words as her eyes widened a moment laughter when he had a naughty smirk on his face as he stepped closer to her.
"Oh, so you finally are complaining about the sofa huh?"
"N...no, I ...I just meant... "
"What did you mean Ishita?"
"I...I just meant... I won't bring anyone home like that again...especially in our room."
"Hmm..."
He murmured the one word, his elbow now resting on the roof of the car, the palm of his hand cupping his cheek.
"What?"
"Interesting..."
"What is interesting?"
"You said our room...wasn't it ours that night?"
"It was Raman...and I am sorry for hurting you that day."
"I don't want your apology again Ishita... and I said interesting remember?"
"So...what do...I am confused?"
"As am I."
"About what?"
"What changed?"
"Huh...?"
"I am wondering what changed Ishita between that night and tonight that you said you won't ever bring anyone again in our room?"
He asks her in a teasing tone but his eyes they carry a different emotion altogether, something she now finds familiar and yet still new at the same time.
"I..."
She is looking away, anywhere but at him when he starts closing in on her, making her retreat immediately. Lost in their bubble the couple doesn't realize when her hand involuntarily grasps the handle of the passenger door behind the driver' seat of her car, setting the car alarm off and making them jump apart instantly.
She immediately pushes the button on her car key to stop the noise but by the time, the guard comes rushing towards them and halts in his steps.
"Sir, Madam... it's only you two I thought someone was trying to steal a car."
He nonchalantly replies,
"You can go back to your post the alarm was accidentally set off."
Once the guard is out of their sights, they turn to each other and burst into laughter.
"God that was embarrassing there for a moment."
"With you around I don't find such instances as a surprise anymore in my life."
"Haw, what is that supposed to mean?" She asks him offended.
"Simply that ever since you came to live in this neighborhood I have had more than my fair share of embarrassing moments which just doubled since we married."
"You are blaming me for all of those things as if you do no wrong Raman Bhalla? Name one instance where it was my fault."
"Uh, let's see recently I almost was about to hand over things...that belonged to you to a man because you weren't clear enough."
For a moment her cheeks turn crimson as it occurs to her he is mentioning the day he assumed she was asking him to hand over her bras to a man, who in actuality was there to pick-up the dental moulds that had fitting issues.
"You are so shameless to bring it up again Raman. It's not my mistake you couldn't distinguish between left and right."
"I was confused because of you."
"You were the one who couldn't get simple right and left correctly."
"It's because you weren't precise enough in your instructions."
"You can never admit your mistakes can you?"
"I do no wrong dear wife, so what's to admit?"
She makes a face and turns around to rest her back against the car. He sees she is miffed with him, and knows better than to provoke her more, as they stand there a gentle breeze blows her hair slightly and before he can help himself he gently brushes her hair aside tucking the unruly lock behind her ears.
Warmth courses through her veins at his gentle, unexpected touch as a mild blush appears on her cheeks.
"Are you planning to stand with me here all night long or do you actually plan to take your car out?"
She doesn't know what shocks her more the fact he guessed why she stepped down or his gentle voice that carried no judgement only understanding...and a little trace of affection, for her, in it.
"You knew I came here to take my car out for a drive?"
"Why else would you step down with the keys Ishita?"
She smiles slightly before she looks at him again and continues,
"I couldn't fall asleep; I just had to do this."
"I understand."
"You do?"
"Hmm, I do. I remember what it feels like bidding your first one goodbye too."
"It feels weird."
"I know...so many memories, so many times associated with it...its hard to let go of certain things."
"You know Raman...this car...it isn't only the first thing, the first really expensive thing I bought with my hard earned money, it's the first car in our family. Appa worked a government job, that only pays so much, and he had to take care of the expenses, akka and my education, especially mine since I wanted to become a dentist. Amma and he, they never complained but they tried to save as much as they could for us, for our marriages and our studies. The day I bought this car Appa was so proud of me, he cried Raman, him and Amma both did. "
He smiled as he saw his wife lost in the memory of the day, he could imagine very well what it must have been like for her, for his in-laws, that precious moment.
"I know what it feels like Ishita, our first car was purchased by Papaji but the day I handed over my first salary to them - him and maa, it is a moment I can never forget."
"Something's are really special."
"Yes they are...I remember the day we sold our first car...oh god you should have seen Romi cry."
"Romi cried?"
"Yes, he did. That car was so special to us but we had to sell it as it was getting too expensive to get it repaired repeatedly and it broke down so much it was a hassle. Romi was 10 may be 12 at the time."
"You must have cried too?"
He glares at her as he asks,
"And why may I ask do you want to know that so that you could share with Mihika this as well?"
"I won't share it Raman, I promise."
"And how do I know you aren't bluffing?"
"Because she won't understand what it means to let go, she hasn't had to experience it."
He looks at her for a moment before solemnly replying,
"I did, more than the car, it was the memories associated with the car that made it hard to let go. I remember the day Papa got it home, our first drive with me sitting beside Papa in the front and Maa sitting in the back with Simi, Romi and Rinki in her lap. It was the car that I used when I finally got my driving license, the car that was used to bring Adi home from the hospital. I had such good times with the car as well as bad ones, I remember kicking it when it once broke down when we were driving to Ambala in the middle of nowhere, I remember I was so mad when that happened."
"It's the memories that make the letting go part hard."
"Hmm...but you have to realize at some point the things holding you back, they can't be good...no good thing holds you back and what does isn't good for you."
"I know...the tricky part is letting go of the memories more than the actual thing."
"It is, but then again so long as the old remains, you can't get anything new. In order to give the new a place, you have to let go of old things. You have to learn to let go. "
"That is why I came here tonight."
"So that you can drive this piece of tin for one last time?"
"Don't call it that! Yes, I came here exactly for that. You sprang the surprise on me all of a sudden by informing me of my new car when I came home in the evening."
"Well you were the one complaining about this car of yours to me last week, how it always gives you trouble these days. So I decided to gift you a new one."
"But I never said I wanna sell this Raman."
He gets quiet for a moment before he quietly announces,
"Fine you can keep this one I would cancel your new car."
He is about to make a move when she grabs his arm,
"Raman...I said I didn't wanna sell this which is true but it doesn't mean I am not ready to let go off it. I know it has gotten old and was considering replacing it too..."
"Then why is it an issue to you I bought you a new one Ishita?"
"Because it was unexpected that is all. I never got a chance to even let things sink in you know...one moment this car was still mine and the next it was decided that well it has to be put out... even the new car I was still deciding about it when I learn I already have one coming my way."
He processes what she said as he continues,
"Maybe I should have asked you about it before, I mean I never even let you get a whiff of things just went ahead and booked you a car all by myself, I didn't even bother to ask you which color would you prefer."
"You only meant to surprise me Raman and it is really sweet of you. I am not complaining at all."
"But I should have..."
"I said I am okay Raman, I know even if I haven't picked it, it would be perfect for me."
"How can you say that?"
"Weren't you saying you have begun knowing me? People who really know you...when they pick something for you they do that carefully."
He has a shy smile that accentuates his dimples as his heart soars learning his wife is appreciating his gesture.
"Raman..."
"Hmm...?"
"Would you like to go for a drive?"
"Will you be driving?"
"Of course it is my car and the last time I am gonna drive it."
"Fine...you have to let go of it so you should be in the driving seat."
"Raman...I have let go off it, I just wanna bid it a farewell."
"Would it change things?"
She ponders for a while before she replies,
"I don't know to be honest but I would love to know that from now on I wouldn't be driving this one around... I would have it easy to say goodbye knowing this is my last drive."
"Goodbyes are easy when you are prepared for them."
"They do ease the process a little bit."
The couple gets into the car after that and head out for a spin around the city and return home after having a midnight snack of sandwiches and cold drinks.
Come morning he is unable to stick around for long owing to his upcoming meeting with his newest client Abhimanyu Raghav and leaves before the new car arrives or the old one is taken away.
Finally, when he walks in at evening he sees his wife distributing pastries amongst their family for her new car as Ruhi said barfis would not do for her and Shravu in the morning.
He is in their room taking off his belt when she walks in and chirps happily,
"Raman thank you, the new car is amazing."
Turning around he sees she is holding a mint-choco pastry she got for him knowing his favorite that she hands over to him.
"You liked it?"
"Oh completely, at first it was a bit weird to drive in it you know I was so used to my old one but then as the day went on I got so comfortable with it. I went to my clinic, picked up and dropped Ruhi, went to the market, picked up Akka and dropped her off too and came back home... it didn't even strike me when I started getting the hang of it."
"I am glad then you seem to be adjusting along so well with it."
"Adjusting with it? Raman ...I think ...no...I know...I am in love..."
"In love...are you sure?"  He asks her breathless.
"Why won't I be sure of being in love Raman?"
"Because this is not what you asked...not perhaps what you might have chosen for yourself."
"I may have not chosen it ...but it doesn't mean it isn't perfect for me. Sometimes the things that are best for you aren't the ones you select but ones that come your way on their own."
"So you sure this is perfect for you?"
"Perfect? It's absolutely the best...I couldn't have selected better myself if I tried."
"Glad to know it."
He hears Ruhi call out to her and she turns around with that smile on her face which somehow has his heart skipping a beat,
"I'll go see what Ruhi wants you finish your pastry Raman."
She is about to turn the corner as she leaves the room before she looks back at him again with a wide smile.
"Raman once again thanks, like I said I am in love."
She does not even stick around to hear his reply when he whispers the words with a smile on his face,
"So am I Ishita, so am I."