Life Lost and Found

17: A Proper Date

Monday, September 29

Madeline stood in front of Deady Hall, too afraid to walk up the steps. Too afraid to move.

"It'll be fine," Gina assured her.

Madeline looked uncertainly at the building. "It looks old and creepy. Like a fortress. Of doom. What if it's infested? What if it's teeming with Rodents of Unusual Size? And don't tell me they don't exist! You know what will happen!"

"Are you, perhaps, freaking out a little too much right now?"

Madeline hugged herself, suddenly wanting, for all the anticipation she'd had for this day, to go home. "There are monsters in there. Or worse—people. Teachers, even, which are kind of both."

"Maddy, no matter what is in there, it is still the first day of class," Gina said, clearly becoming impatient. "Move your legs. Walk on in. Forward motion."

"Silly Gina. One does not simply walk into the fire swamp," Madeline grumbled. "It's just—school's always been such a nightmare for me. You have no idea."

Gina gave her a serious look—and then slapped her! Okay, it was actually more of a mild tap on the cheek, but Madeline gasped like she'd been hit with a sledgehammer.

"I have every idea! You're scared of failing. You're afraid you won't fit in. You're scared people will judge you. And you're right—people will judge you. And there's not a damn thing you can do about it!"

"Wow, sweet pep talk," Madeline snapped back. "Can we do this more often? These chats we have are great."

Gina gave her a hard look. "Don't interrupt. I was going to say: You can't stop them from judging you, but screw that! What makes them so special that we pay attention to what they think instead of listening to the people who actually matter to us?"

Madeline gave her a scowling, questioning look.

"Elaboration: Sydney is one of your people. She knows you. She knows how hard you're trying, and she's proud of you. But that guy," she indicated someone heading up the steps of the nearby building, "he doesn't know you at all. He decides you're a hopeless loser, and he tells you so. Who are you going to listen to? Sydney or some random person who's given all of ten-seconds' thought to his judgment of you?" Gina crossed her arms and frowned as she watched the stranger disappear into the building. "More often than not it's him we'll listen to. We give these random strangers so much power over us. Why?" She gave a small shake of her head and looked at Madeline. "Don't do it, Maddy. Don't give the negative voices so much more power than the positive ones."

Madeline scowled at the sidewalk, thinking.

"Choose who you care about mattering to, Maddy. Choose carefully, listen only to them, and quit wasting your time on the rest. Your time's too precious to waste. You don't know how much it you have left," she finished quietly. "None of us do."

Madeline continued scowling for a minute longer, becoming angrier with every second. "Quit being so... right!" she finally snapped. "If you weren't so darn intimidating, I'd..." She'd do what? Sprinkle her with the Watering Can of Doom? "I am trying to chicken out here, and you are not helping!"

"Uh-huh," Gina intoned. "So are you finally going in now?"

"Yes," Madeline grumbled. "Also, shut up."

"That's more like it," Gina said. "I'm sorry I slapped you. But hey, I got your attention."

Madeline huffed with irritation.