My life

Chapter 5

Nicole's p.o.v

flashback

why is Glenn acting like this, he really is overly protective of me, does he like me in that incest kind of way or what? haha nah i'm over thinking, i don't think he does thank fuck. I love him but only as my brother, I swear tho at times i feel like killing someone or just committing suicide right now, my life is turning to shit, I broke up with my boyfriend Matthew because realisation hit that he only liked the idea of me so he could use my body and throw me away like a rag doll piece of shit. I knew he never loved me, like I loved him, I put my heart and soul into our relationship because I was willing to make a change for him because I loved him ,but now he broke me into millions of pieces and I'm scared to fall in love again because I know history will repeat itself, i'll get my heart broken again, I'll put too much trust in them, no guy will ever truly love me for me instead of my body.

why waste your time on people even tho you may love them yet you keep giving them chances it only gives them a reason time and time again to break you or your heart again. why would you want to go through all that pain again. No matter how many chances you give he'll only break you like he broke me. I gave him multiple chances because i didn't want to let him go and he kept breaking them, and me so no more, enough is enough.

but.......

I know i will the miss the I love you, I miss you, I need you, I want you, i can't live without you, I don't want to lose you  baby texts etc, which aggravates me!!

well he only said that because he didn't want me to leave him, correction he didn't want my body sold to someone else other than him. He was a fucking controlling and demanding cunt. He only said those things because he knew how much they meant to me and he knew I loved him which he took as an advantage of guilting me into staying, he was very fucking manipulative and for some time it bloody worked on me, and he knew i wouldn't leave him, he used me and it hurts, being used and lied to hurts more than actually getting physically injured, the worst pain you can ever go through, well that I've experienced anyway.

He thought I wouldn't figure out his cruel sick twisted love game. He thought i'd stay until he was the one who dumped me, but no I did the right thing in breaking up with him and honestly....I don't know how I feel about it, it feels right but deep down for some reason I still miss him, love him, need him,want him, i'll always still miss him because he was my first love but then when I come back to reality and remember why I broke up with him and if I went back to him i'd be in the wrong and i'd be making all the same mistakes again. I'd be the cause going through all this burden all this hurt and torture time and time again.

I don't deserve trash like that, and hopefully someone has the time to change him to become a better person because i honestly don't want to waste my time on 'that', i hate his guts so i don't give a fuck.

He is now, one that I won't forget, he put me through so much pain and heartache, I hate him, i'm not taking him back, he doesn't deserve my love.

Loving someone and having them not return the same feelings is heartbreaking and definitely not worth fighting for because in the end you're just wasting your time chasing someone or something that won't and probably never will like you back, it's like chasing a wall. nothing will change, his feelings won't change. Yours will in time and it will be for the better and if his does change by any chance don't try to rekindle your relationship, he had his chance, fucking multiple times but now he lost it and me/you so fuck you.

I remember the pain and heartache I went through everyday, crying my heart out all because I truly loved him but he never loved me so of course that hurt, plus he was my first love, I so badly wanted to kill myself but I reminded myself that I can't leave this world